


Patchwork Armor

by Aetherdrive



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Canon Compliant, Child Abuse, Homophobia, M/M, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Slow Build
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-11-29
Updated: 2015-01-03
Packaged: 2018-02-27 09:57:26
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 9
Words: 50,006
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2688566
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Aetherdrive/pseuds/Aetherdrive
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Sometimes, the people hurting the most are the ones we least expect.</p><p>A story about overcoming child abuse with love, support, and inner strength.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. i - prologue

**Author's Note:**

> Like my previous story, this one is inspired by personal experience.
> 
> For a while, I've wanted to write a story about abuse, with focus on recovery. The content will be heavy at times, but my intent isn't to write a tragedy, or something that glorifies mistreatment of children. This story is about endurance, hope, the kindness of others, and learning to take someone's hand when they're reaching out to you, even if you're afraid; and that eventually, everything really will be okay.
> 
> This first bit is just a short prologue; after this, it will be roughly nine parts altogether (including the prologue and epilogue), and I'll aim to update it weekly, if not sooner. To get more specific about the warning tags; there will be brief descriptions of physical, verbal, and sexual abuse, as well as neglect, and brief mentions of homophobia. However, the other chapters will not focus on these things as much as the prologue does.
> 
> Thank you so much for reading!

He was the perfect little boy.  
  
Outgoing, smart, enthusiastic, hard-working and obedient -- he was every parent’s dream child. As soon as he started school, he was at the top of the class and always aiming higher; his teachers even recommended skipping him ahead a grade or two, but his mother wouldn’t hear of it. “He should be with kids his own age,” she insisted.

It didn’t make any difference to him; as long as he could keep getting good grades, and read all his favorite books in his free time, everything was fine, and it didn’t matter what class he was in.  
  
But then, quite suddenly, something changed.  
  
One day, his mom was gone. He was still only seven years old, so it was a bit hard to understand when his father explained that she loved someone else, and that he didn’t make enough money to take care of a young boy on his own. All he understood was that suddenly, he was moving away -- not far, but to stay with his mother’s parents, who he didn’t know very well. He wondered why his father looked so sad and hesitant when he left him on the doorstep with the two older people standing behind him.

Soon, he realized something was weird.

His parents had never had much money, so the shabby state of the house didn’t jar him very much. But they’d never used their voices so loudly when they talked to each other. It made him uncomfortable.  
  
It made him scared.  
  
They yelled at each other, sometimes day in and day out. It wasn’t unusual for him to hear the sound of slamming and crashing from another room, the smack of skin against skin, and words that most seven year olds wouldn’t hear for years to come.

It encroached on him like a poison. It was harder and harder to concentrate at school, and his grades started slipping as a result. It wasn’t long before he wasn’t the top of the class anymore -- instead, he was merely in the top 10.  
  
And that wasn’t good enough.  
  
It was bad enough to hear their rage directed at each other, but when it was turned on him, he didn’t know what to do. They screamed about how ungrateful he was, how worthless he was, and how much he had ruined their lives. Didn’t he realize it? Didn’t he understand that God didn’t like horrible little boys? Did he _want_ to burn in hell forever?  
  
Maybe it was supposed to motivate him. But instead, his concentration and focus fell even more to pieces; his grades slipped further and further until he was merely passing, and one year, he quite nearly failed altogether. Suddenly, it seemed, math was beyond him.   
  
He was used to the screaming at this point, at least. But what he wasn’t ready for was the creative new punishment; banishment from food. Often, his only meals were what he could have at school; when he returned home, it was to fall asleep hungry after more yelling and overzealous sermons about God.  
  
“At least you’re not a faggot,” his grandfather said one day. He clutched a beer in his hand; the scent clung to his clothing, ever present like the cigarettes that he smoked. “They’re guys who like guys. They burn in hell more than anyone.” His large hands closed on the boy’s bony, too-thin shoulder as a threatening smile crossed his face. “You’re not, right?”  
  
“No, sir.” It was quick, immediate; he was used to saying whatever was necessary to reduce the risk of his situation, regardless of whether it was true or not. He hadn’t even thought on this before; he wasn’t. Right? He didn’t like boys anyway.  
  
...Did he?  
  
 _Why would God care about that, anyway?_ he wondered. _...Do I like other boys?_ A sliver of dread worked its way deep into his heart, growing and growing the more he thought about it. He caught his reflection in a dirty mirror and thought, deep and hard, and already knew the answer. But he couldn’t admit it. Not to anyone.  
  
Not even to himself.

Just when he thought it couldn't get worse, his grandfather led him into the bathroom one day when he was ten years old. “I’m gonna show you something,” he said, the scent of sake too heavy on his breath. “But if you tell anyone about it... I’ll kill you. Do you understand?”  
  
He nodded in response, his throat too tight with fear to speak.  
  
What happened next was something that he knew was wrong, wrong, _wrong_. He prayed, and prayed, and prayed. God was kind and loving, right? Surely it wouldn’t happen again if he just prayed hard enough. He probably deserved it for being a bad kid, but if he just prayed, then everything would be okay.  
  
But then it happened again a week later, when he woke up in the middle of the night to hands that didn’t belong to him, tickling over his skin. Paralyzed with terror, he pretended like he was still asleep, and eventually it stopped. He lived every day in fear of it happening again -- and it did, the same as last time. Roaming hands pulled him from sleep, and again he feigned unconsciousness until his grandfather left, and it was safe to cry.   
  
Sleep was always a terrifying concept after that.

It didn’t happen again; he didn’t know why. But the drinking, the preaching, the screaming and the hitting and the starving; it all seemed so endless. His only escape was school, but he could barely focus anymore; he only just scraped by to pass each year, and couldn’t make friends.  
  
But one day, in his first year of junior high, everything changed yet again.  
  
They had to play volleyball in P.E., which was fine. But what surprised everyone was how good at it he was, despite his tiny, too-thin stature. Suddenly, he had a distraction again, a way to impress people when nobody had been proud of him for years, and trying to endure his situation until he was old enough to move away didn’t seem so impossible; especially since he finally had an excuse to stay away from home long after regular school hours had ended.  
  
Not to mention a convenient lie as to why he was always covered in bruises.  
  
It didn’t take long to build his persona from there; an enthusiastic, loudmouth student that loved volleyball and hated studying, well loved by pretty much everyone. He practiced, and practiced, and practiced; he earned the respect and admiration of his teammates and coach, and even received an award for being such an outstanding libero despite his team suffering a crushing defeat. He was just that good; even when his grandmother snapped the trophy in a fit of rage, he couldn’t find it in himself to care.

It wasn’t the trophy that was important -- it didn’t matter. What _was_ important was simply getting to play volleyball... because finally, he had something to live for.

Time flew by; pretty soon, it was time for him to go to high school. He was forbidden from trying to go anywhere far away -- “You’ll just fail anyway,” his grandmother said with venom. The closest school was Karasuno; their volleyball team wasn’t anything special anymore, but that wasn’t important. The fact that they had a volleyball team at all was what really mattered -- the uniforms being cool was just a bonus.  
  
On the first day of 10th grade, he stood at the door of Karasuno’s gym with his bag slung over his shoulder and a huge grin on his face. While he was here, he could forget his troubles, and become someone important yet again.

“Nishinoya Yuu?” a taller boy asked, looking down at him when he handed over his application form.

He stepped forward with a genuine smile.  
  
“The one and only.”

* * *

_to be continued in part ii_

 


	2. part ii

When he first laid eyes on Asahi that day, his immediate reaction was a mixture of fear and anxiety with an undercurrent of _want_ that he immediately pushed to the furthest reaches of his mind.  
  
The second year wing spiker was _big;_ maybe that’s why he set Nishinoya on edge slightly, the way he towered over the tiny libero standing in front of him. It wasn’t unexpected, though; Nishinoya had seen his fair share of tall guys over the course of playing so much volleyball, and high schoolers were obviously going to be even taller.  
  
What _was_ unexpected was... everything besides his height.  
  
“Um... hi,” the brunette said quietly, mumbling so much that Nishinoya could barely hear him. “I’m Azumane Asahi--”  
  
“Nishinoya!” He reached out and grabbed one of Asahi’s hands, and shook it with both of his own. His were so tiny in comparison; Asahi seemed to make note of it as he glanced at the delicate fingers over his own, surprised and a little flustered. “Nishinoya Yuu! I’m a libero from Chidoriyama Junior High. It’s nice to meet you, Asahi-san!”

“Oh...” He flushed a little, and looked unsure of himself. “You too, Noya-kun.”  
  
 _He’s... He’s like a gentle giant. And..._  
  
 _Really hot,_ the traitorous part of his mind supplied. Tension drew his shoulders tight for a moment -- _even the way he says your name... Noya-kun..._ \-- but then they were thankfully interrupted by another player in uniform before Nishinoya could think too much about it.  
  
“Don’t mind this guy,” he said as he walked up and socked Asahi lightly on the arm. “He’s big, but he’s like a mouse.”  
  
“That’s so mean,” another boy behind him laughed. “Hi there, Nishinoya-kun. I’m Suga; I’m a setter. This is Daichi; he’s a wing spiker like Asahi. We’re all second years here.”

“We heard a little about you already, honestly,” Daichi said, and Nishinoya’s grin came back full force. “Our coach is kind of brutal, and it reflects in how we practice, but... if you’re ever up for it, do you wanna do some extra practice with us and some other second and first years? We want to be ready for next year, when the current seniors are gone.”

“Thinking that far ahead, huh? I like the sound of that! Count me in!” Nishinoya cheered.

“Great!” Suga put a hand on Nishinoya’s shoulder; the touch was casual and gentle, but the smaller boy flinched before he even realized he’d done it. Hastily, he schooled his features into their usual energetic expression; he gave Suga a big thumbs up and jogged away to change.  
  
The second year looked after him, brows furrowed just slightly.  
  
“Something wrong, Suga?” Daichi asked.  
  
“...It’s nothing,” he said quietly, turning back towards the other boy to help him stretch.

* * *

Asahi was _incredible_.

It became obvious to Nishinoya the very first day he met him, as soon as he introduced himself -- but it became even clearer when he actually saw the second-year play. For all his gentleness, there was power in his large build, and he knew how to use it. The praise he gave Nishinoya after every ball he received was always genuine and enthusiastic, and the effort he put towards practice and each play was clear as day.  
  
Nishinoya had never met anyone quite like him.

“You’re like two halves of a whole on the court!” Suga said one day after practice. It had been two months since Nishinoya had joined the volleyball team, and almost every day of the week, he and Asahi would practice, syncing so perfectly that it brought a smile even to their notoriously difficult-to-impress coach. “You’re both amazing. Your hard work is really paying off.”  
  
Asahi flushed, obviously pleased. “I’m okay. Noya is the one that’s really amazing, though.”  
  
“You’re not giving yourself enough credit, Asahi-san!” A wave of irritation momentarily overrode all of the fondness he felt for the older boy. “Don’t put yourself down so much. You’re vital to the team! Anyone can see that! Everyone knows you’ll be our ace next year!” It was ridiculous. How could he not realize it? “I don’t want to hear that kind of crap from anyone, least of all you!”

“I’m... I’m sorry.” He looked a little uncomfortable. “I don’t know if I’d go so far as to say all of _that_ , but... okay. You’re right.”

“Asahi’s always been bad at accepting praise,” Suga grinned. “Don’t worry too much about it.”  
  
“It’s _annoying_ ,” Daichi grumbled, and Nishinoya nodded in earnest.  
  
“Right?! You’re amazing, Asahi-san. I’m gonna make you realize that eventually.”

Suga smiled at him knowingly, but Nishinoya was already turning to drag Asahi to the side to help him stretch.

* * *

“Psychology again, tonight?”

“Yeah. Just a little.” Suga turned a page of the textbook in front of him as Daichi put his homework back in his bag. “I wanted to brush up on a few things.”  
  
“Don’t work yourself too hard,” Daichi said as he sat down beside him. He leaned his head against Suga’s shoulder and closed his eyes. “The team sure is interesting, isn’t it? Not to badmouth the seniors, but next year, maybe we can really come together. Especially with such a great libero.”

“No kidding. Nishinoya really is something, isn’t he?” A small smile tugged at Suga’s lips. “He’s definitely, uh... had quite the effect on Asahi.”  
  
“Yeah, he has a little more spine now, even though it’s only been two months. They’re a great team.”  
  
Suga hummed. “I think that’s part of it, sure.” His smile grew. “I think... I think they might like each other.”

Daichi laughed a little and leaned closer; he wrapped his arms around Suga’s waist and nuzzled against his shoulder. “I figured as much. Do you think they’ll end up together?”  
  
“Hmm.” The setter frowned a little. “Maybe. I think... Nishinoya has some things he might have to work out first. I’m not sure what, yet, but... that’s the feeling I get, from the last couple months.”  
  
Daichi glanced at the open textbook, then back to Suga. “Is that why you’re going over old stuff?”  
  
“Guilty as charged,” he admitted sheepishly. “They’re both really good guys, though. I’m sure it’ll work out just fine.”  
  
 _At least... I hope so._

* * *

“Asahi-san, we should study together at your house!”

“But... we’re not even in the same grade, Noya.” He smiled as he said it and tied his hair back; it was still a little damp from his post-practice shower.

“Who cares? That’s not important!” Nishinoya balanced on the balls of his feet, still full of restless energy even after the grueling stamina training they’d been doing for the last couple of hours. “I’m no good at math, and you already did this last year, so you can help me, right?!”  
  
“Ah... yeah, of course.” The libero beamed up at his response, and the smile on Asahi’s face grew larger. “My mom’s always wondering why I don’t bring home friends anyway. She’ll be happy to meet you.”

“Awesome! Have you told her about me?” he asked with a grin.  
  
“Um, a little bit.” Asahi chewed at his bottom lip thoughtfully as he secured his bag over his shoulder. _Well... maybe a lot._ Nishinoya started following him at an easy pace; Asahi was extremely conscious of the smaller boy beside him, and made sure to walk more slowly than he would on his own. “Hey, don’t you have to tell your parents that you’re coming over?”  
  
For a moment -- so brief that Asahi wondered if he’d imagined it -- the look on Nishinoya’s face turned into something deeply angry and exhausted. But just as quickly as it happened, it was gone, his usual smile firmly in place. “Nope! It’s fine. They don’t mind!”  
  
“All right. I don’t live too far away. It’s just three stops on the train. My mom probably made dinner, too.” He scratched at his chin for a moment in thought. “Actually, she’ll probably be so excited to see you, I wouldn’t be surprised if she made more.”

“Ooh, is she a good cook?”  
  
Asahi couldn’t help but laugh. “Yeah. I think you’ll like her. She’s very, um. Loving.” He pulled out his phone to send her a text. “I guess I better ask if it’s okay, just to make sure. There’s no way she’ll say no, though.”  
  
Sure enough, moments later, his phone buzzed with a reply.  
  
 _> Yes!! Please bring your friend!! He can stay the night if he wants! Is he hungry? Should I make more food? Is he allergic to anything?_

“Yeah, I think you two will get along great,” he said with a small chuckle.

* * *

As soon as they got in the door, the smell of dinner and the sound of a comedy playing on television reached them; Asahi’s mother was there in a flash. She fussed over Nishinoya and sent them both up to Asahi’s room with huge plates of food, and was insistent that if Nishinoya needed anything at all, he only had to ask.

“Your mom is amazing!” the libero smiled as he dug into his food with his textbook open and almost entirely forgotten. “She’s so nice!”  
  
“Yeah,” Asahi smiled back. “Do you want to stay over, I guess? She’ll probably ask again when I take our plates down... I haven’t brought a friend over since junior high.”  
  
“Hell yeah! Count me in!” He chewed thoughtfully for a moment. “I guess I should tell my grandparents I won’t be back at all tonight, so they don’t call the cops or something.”

“Oh, you don’t live with your parents?” Asahi asked curiously.   
  
_Play it off._ “Nah, I live with my mom’s parents. You know how it is.”  
  
“Uh huh,” Asahi replied, even though he really didn’t. Nishinoya pulled out an old, battered flip phone, scowling as he dialed a number.   
  
“Hey. I’m not coming back tonight. ...No, I’m staying at a classmate’s house. He’s from volleyball club. ...Yeah, I _know_. Bye.” He bit his lip and took a deep breath as he closed the phone and shoved it back into his bag, but after a moment, he was right back to his usual self. “All right, good to go! Can we do math first after we eat? It’s the worst so I wanna get it out of the way as soon as possible.”

“It’s weird to see you so excited about homework,” Asahi smiled.

“I’m not excited about the _homework_ , I’m excited because I get to do it with _you_. Uh -- the homework, I mean...” Nishinoya’s cheeks turned an uncharacteristic, if charming shade of pink; Asahi felt himself flush a little too. Nishinoya shoveled more food into his mouth and abruptly changed the subject, dramatically agonizing over how much he hated math.

Later, when Asahi took their plates down to wash them, he told his mom that Nishinoya would be staying over after all. Her smile lit up the room, but after a moment, was replaced with a look of concern.  
  
“So... I mean, is Nishinoya-kun eating enough?” she asked quietly. “He’s so _tiny_...”  
  
“I think he’s just... really short? He’s a little sensitive about it.”

“No, honey, that’s not what I mean. Obviously he’s short, but not eating enough can hinder a child’s growth, you know? And he’s in good shape because of volleyball, but he looks light as a feather... I bet he’d be an even better player if he ate more.”  
  
“...I didn’t know that.” Asahi felt his hands clench into fists as he tried to keep his surge of anxiety and concern under control. “You can tell all that, just by looking at him?”  
  
“Well, it’s not a definite thing, just a mother’s intuition. Hm... Do you think I should start making him lunch? Or I could give you extra to give him, if that’d make him too uncomfortable... You should bring him over more often. I bet his family’s not well off, and that’s why he doesn’t eat enough.”

“Yeah, I’ll try. I think he probably wants to anyway. He really likes you.” Her face brightened as he continued. “He’s been meeting me for lunch for the last few weeks, too, so. I can give him extra if you want to make it. But only if you want to.”  
  
“Of course, darling! You can count on me!”  
  
Asahi’s smile was genuine. “Thanks, mom.”

* * *

“ _Kiyoko-saaan!_ ” Nishinoya and Tanaka cried out dramatically in unison. Daichi rolled his eyes as they fell to their knees, and Suga clapped him on the back.

“Noisy as ever,” Daichi grumbled.   
  
“Yeah. They energize the team, though.” Suga smiled a little awkwardly as he leaned in close to the other boy and whispered. “And... between you and me, I think Nishinoya is putting on a bit of a show.”  
  
“Huh?”  
  
“I’ll tell you later,” he promised.  “You’re coming over to study again, right?”  
  
“Yeah, of course.”  
  
Later, as they left the gym together on their way home, Suga wasn’t surprised at all to see Nishinoya and Asahi walking side by side in the direction of the wing spiker’s house; Nishinoya’s presence at Asahi’s side had become a constant, something that everyone seemed to simply expect.

* * *

“You’re late.”

Nishinoya’s shoulders drew so tense that it was painful as he closed the door behind him. His grandfather stared down at him with malice in his gaze; he reeked of beer and smoke so much that the boy’s eyes would have watered if he wasn’t already used to it.

“I always come home around now. I told you I was studying tonight... sir.”  
  
“Why do you go to that kid’s house so much? Huh? You fucking him?” He took a threatening step forward; Nishinoya backed up without even thinking about it, and his back hit the door behind him. “You are, aren’t you?”

“We’re just studying...” His voice broke on the last word as fear and adrenaline sped up his heart; he clenched the strap of his bag so tightly that his knuckles went white.

His grandfather laughed, and it sent a chill down Nishinoya’s spine. “ _Studying!_ Is that what they’re callin’ it these days?”

“We’re just friends,” Nishinoya said quietly, his heart clenching as he said the words. _Even if I want to be more than that... not like I’d ever tell Asahi-san. Not as long as I’m here._

“Yeah, right, you little faggot. You always gonna be home this late?” He took another step forward; Nishinoya had the distinct feeling this was going to be another particularly bad night.  
  
“Who cares?” he shot back. He knew he’d regret the words as soon as they came out of his mouth, but he couldn’t seem to stop himself; a moment later, a large, calloused hand wrapped around his throat and pushed him painfully against the door at his back.  
  
“ _What did you say to me?_ Feeling mouthy, boy?”

He gasped for air, his pulse fluttering wildly in terror. “N...no, sir,” he wheezed. His voice was weak and breathy as he closed his eyes, simultaneously hoping that it would be over soon, and cursing his own fear. _I’m nothing but a coward--_  
  
His grandfather released him, but pushed him back again with enough force that the door shook in its frame.  “You’re never gonna learn, are you? Respect your elders.”

The next few minutes felt like hours. When Nishinoya finally made it back to his room, new bruises blooming fresh on his arms, he carefully put his bag beside the mattress he slept on. It was older than he was; the bedsprings creaked ominously as he climbed on and pushed his body as close to the wall as it would go.

He drew his blanket up and over his head, and quietly cried himself to sleep; angry at his family, but more than anything, angry at himself for being too afraid to fight back.

* * *

“Hey, Asahi.” Suga grinned, and the brunette looked nervous as the setter leaned in to whisper to him.

“What is it?”  
  
“Nishinoya’s birthday is next week. I thought you might wanna know.” He was already skipping down the hall before Asahi could do more than widen his eyes in alarm.  
  
 _That’s not enough time to prepare at all! I wish I knew sooner! What am I going to get for him...?_ Whatever it was, it had to be good.  
  
After all, Noya deserved only the best.

* * *

“Noya?”

“What’s up?” He peeked up at Asahi from under the towel he was rubbing vigorously over his face after practice; Asahi did his best not to admire how well his sweat-soaked uniform contoured to his body.  
  
“Your birthday is tomorrow, right? I figured... well, I know you’re probably busy on your birthday... But we could eat some garigari-kun? My treat?” Truthfully, he’d already thought long and hard about what to buy for Noya in the two days since Suga had told him about it; his gift was wrapped up nice and neat in Asahi’s room. Going for popsicles was just a primer.  
  
Nishinoya’s eyes widened, and his entire face lit up with the force of his smile. “ _Seriously?_ That’d be awesome! I’m free whenever you want, Asahi-san!”  
  
Asahi didn’t even realize he’d started to smile as well; Nishinoya was infectious. “...Really? You don’t already have plans?”  
  
“Nah, I almost never do anything for my birthday. I kind of forget about it most of the time, really... But not this time! Now I’m pumped!”

“Oh,” Asahi smiled. “Do you... want to go today, then?”

Nishinoya answered by throwing an arm around Asahi’s neck and laughing brightly. “Ready when you are!”

* * *

The trip went smoothly enough; Asahi bought him two of the soda-flavored popsicles that he loved so much. Even in the cool weather, Nishinoya ate them with gusto as they walked back to Asahi’s house for another night of studying.

Nishinoya had no idea that Asahi had asked his mom to make a cake.

It was huge, decorated so the top looked just like Nishinoya’s volleyball uniform, with sixteen candles lined up around the edges.  “Happy birthday, Nishinoya-kun!” she beamed as she lit the candles with a lighter. “Hurry up, come over and make a wish and blow the candles out!”

Asahi and his mother both pretended not to notice the tears that welled up in Nishinoya’s eyes as he slowly walked over to the table, his hands shaking just slightly in disbelief. He paused for a moment to think, took a deep breath, and blew out the candles with a watery smile.  
  
“Thank you, Azumane-san,” he said, the picture of seriousness. Asahi’s mother just smiled back and reached for a plate.  
  
“It’s no trouble at all, Nishinoya-kun. Here, I’ll give you and Asahi some cake, and then you can go to his room for your other present! How does that sound? We can all have dinner together afterwards, if you want.”  
  
He looked back at her, surprised and confused. “My other present?”  
  
“You’ll see,” Asahi said with a quiet smile. “Come on, I’ll show you.”  
  
Nishinoya followed him up the stairs, almost in a daze. He couldn’t remember the last time he’d had cake for his birthday. _They did this... for me. For me... Asahi-san and his mom are really amazing,_ he thought. He felt so much fondness, so much longing that it made his heart physically ache. Not just for Asahi, but -- to have a parent that cared as much as Azumane-san did.

Asahi opened the door to his room and set their plates on the low table they used to study; he felt his heart start to beat faster as he reached for the wrapped box on his desk. Quiet as ever, he handed it to Nishinoya; he felt himself flush a bit as the shorter boy looked back at him with respect and adoration.  
  
“Thank you, Asahi-san...”  
  
“You didn’t even open it yet,” he smiled.  
  
“That’s not important,” he said, uncharacteristically serious. A soft smile tugged at his lips as he opened the package; when the lid to the box finally came away, he looked up at Asahi with a mixture of awe and gratitude.  
  
“Seriously?”  
  
“I... I noticed your shoes are really worn out, with holes in them and everything... I saw you taping them up the other day before practice. So I thought I’d get you some new ones, is all. I wanted to get you more, but--”  
  
“Are you kidding?! New shoes! And not just one pair, but you got me volleyball shoes too!” His smile was brighter than the sun; for just a moment, all his carefully built defenses seemed to vanish as he rushed forward and hugged Asahi as hard as he could, his face pressed against the warmth of his chest. He broke away, eyes still shining with excitement and gratitude as he marveled at the present once more.

“Asahi-san, seriously, I can’t thank you enough!”  
  
“It’s no trouble,” he smiled, cheeks still warm. Noya’s happiness and the warmth of his embrace were all the thanks that the older boy needed.

* * *

Asahi’s breath puffed out into a little cloud in the cold December air. “Do you want to study at your house instead, sometime?” he asked quietly. “I don’t want you to feel like you always have to come here, especially since it’s further away...”

“No way! I love it over here! Plus, your mom always gives me so much food I feel like I’m gonna die,” Nishinoya laughed as he twirled a straw between his fingers. He stabbed it into the top of the juice he was holding and took a sip. “You wouldn’t wanna go to my place, anyway. It’s not nearly as nice as it is here.”

“Oh... I’m sorry. I didn’t realize.”  
  
“What’re you apologizing for? It’s no big deal. Hey, you don’t mind me coming over all the time, right?”  
  
“No, of course not! I just don’t want to be a bother, you know?”  
  
Nishinoya sighed loudly. “Asahi-san, seriously, knock it off. _I’m_ the one that’s always bothering _you_. What’s it gonna take for you to get a little bit of confidence in yourself?”

“I do have confidence in myself!” Nishinoya looked at him so skeptically that Asahi immediately felt embarrassed. “I mean -- I still have a long way to go, but I have more since I met you, you know? You’ve helped me out a lot, Noya.”

Nishinoya was all smiles as he threw an arm around Asahi’s shoulders. “That’s more like it! I only say this stuff because it’s true! I respect you a lot, Asahi-san, so I want you to respect yourself, too.”

“Noya!” Asahi smiled, even as his cheeks turned bright red. “That means a lot. Especially... coming from you. You’re amazing. There’s a reason we all think of you as a god--”  
  
Nishinoya almost choked on his drink. “A... _what_ \--”

“Seriously!” Noya felt a rush of fondness so intense that it was nearly dizzying as he realized that Asahi talked with his hands when he got excited. “You’re so talented, but it’s because you’re such a hard worker -- you’re the best libero we’ve ever seen. And you’re always getting better... You don’t let anything stop you. You make me... you make me want to try harder, and be stronger. For me, and... and for you, too.”

Nishinoya stared at him, his mouth slightly open as the tops of his ears turned a charming pink that matched his cheeks. _He’s -- he’s so... I..._

“I mean... um...”

Nishinoya’s hands shot out like lightning to grab hold of Asahi’s; his palms and fingers were tiny against the wing spiker’s, but warm and strong. “That’s how I feel about you, Asahi-san. You’re such a good player! You’re such a great guy! I want you to see that. I want you to appreciate you even half as much as I appreciate you. That’s why I get so frustrated when you put yourself down!”  
  
“Noya...” Asahi’s eyes were locked on his, full of wonder and adoration. And yet -- the intimacy of it made the smaller boy vaguely uncomfortable. The only other time people looked at him so intently was...  
  
 _But Asahi-san **isn’t like that** ,_ Nishinoya reminded himself sternly. _He’s not like my family at all._  
  
“I’m sorry that I’m so...” Asahi’s eyes flickered away for a moment. “Um, I’m trying. Thanks for putting up with me, Noya.”  
  
“I wouldn’t do it if I didn’t think it was worth it!” he replied with a brilliant smile.  
  
Asahi smiled back at him. “So... I guess now is a good time to ask if you want to come over for Christmas and New Years?”

Nishinoya punched him playfully on the arm; Asahi winced. He was stronger than he looked. “I wouldn’t miss it for the world, Asahi-san!”

Later that night, as Asahi snored softly on his bed, Nishinoya looked up at the ceiling, lost in thought. _Some guy once said that ‘a house is made of brick and stone, and a home is made of love alone’._ He shifted, pulling the blankets up over his chin and curling in on himself. _If that’s true... Asahi-san’s house is more of a home than my own place is._  
  
Despite the weight on his heart, he smiled.  
  
 _But I don’t mind it so much._

* * *

“You’re... grounded? Over Christmas? _And_ New Years?” Asahi asked incredulously. “Why?”

 _For existing, really._ “Just... uh... bad grades. You know how it is!” Nishinoya’s smile was as bright as it was fake. His answer didn’t seem to put any of Asahi’s confusion to rest, however.  
  
“I mean... you’re not at the top of your class, but your grades aren’t _that_ bad anymore... they’ve gotten better since we started studying, haven’t they?”  
  
“Not good enough!” Nishinoya tried to sound optimistic, but his voice wavered on the last note and he turned away quickly. He just needed a moment -- just one moment to breathe, and get himself under control. Crying was bad enough, but doing it in front of Asahi...

Brows furrowed, it still didn’t look like the older boy had totally bought his story. “Well... there’s always next year, I guess... I’ll ask my mom to save you some food.”  
  
“Nah, it’s fine--”  
  
“She’ll probably make something for you even if I tell her not to,” Asahi said sagely, resting one hand casually on Nishinoya’s shoulder. “She really likes you a lot. It’s no trouble.”  
  
“Sure.” He blinked quickly, regaining his composure, and finally faced Asahi once again with a sunny smile, as though all was right with the world. “Come on, or we’ll be late for practice!”

* * *

“You know... I don’t think Coach is looking so great.”

Daichi looked over at Suga with a worried expression. “I was thinking the same thing, honestly. He is getting pretty old...”

Suga sighed. “Yeah. I’m surprised he hasn’t retired, at his age. But at the same time... if he did, I don’t know what we’d do without him. It’s bad enough that some of the first years left...”  
  
“Find another one or keep going. Simple as that.” Despite himself, he didn’t sound entirely sure. Suga rested his hand on Daichi’s shoulder, warm and calming.  
  
“It’ll be fine. We’re still a strong team, and we still have a lot of potential. Like you said... we just keep going. And besides, the end of the school year is only a few months away. Maybe he’ll start looking for a replacement soon, if he hasn’t already.” He grinned a little before playfully socking the taller boy in the side. “You better stop being so gloomy before Asahi sees you. It might be infectious.”

Daichi rolled his eyes and laughed, certain that everything would work out fine.  
  
Three days later, Coach Ukai collapsed.

* * *

Karasuno’s volleyball club was soon overwhelmed with a fog of helplessness; in the span of a week, they’d lost both their coach and their third year players, who had quit the club to study for exams.

But Daichi was no quitter.  
  
“We’re still a team.” He looked out at the remaining members, circled close around him in the chilly gymnasium. “We’ll do what we’ve always done -- practice and improve.  We have games coming up and a championship to win. This isn’t the end for us. It’s not over until you want it to be. Understood?”  
  
For a moment, the silence hung heavy and thick -- but a moment later, Nishinoya and Tanaka broke it with boisterous cheers.  
  
“Daichi-san, you’re gonna be the best captain! Am I right, or am I right?!”  
  
“Noya-san knows what’s up!” Tanaka agreed.   
  
“Go practice your receives,” Daichi grumbled, smiling despite himself.

* * *

A few days later, they got a surprise at the gym -- the first years that had left before were standing in the entryway in their practice gear.

“We’re...”  
  
“It’s fine,” Daichi said. “What’s important is that you’re here.”

“Daichi-san is right! Now’s no time for moping! We have to get ready for the tournament!” Nishinoya roared. “Let’s show ‘em what the first years are made of!” A chorus of agreement rippled through those present, and the tension eased up considerably as everyone dispersed to start practice. Suga patted Nishinoya on the shoulder --

And the libero visibly flinched, just like he had months before.

“...Nishinoya?” Suga asked, voice quiet and careful.

The younger player turned around and gave Suga a huge, sunny smile with a thumbs up. “Nothing to worry about, Suga-san! Let’s get some practice in!” He didn’t give the second year a chance to respond before running off to practice receives with Tanaka and Asahi.   
  
Daichi walked over and stood at Suga’s side; he was still staring at Nishinoya, concern written all over his face.  
  
“Suga,” Daichi called softly.   
  
He snapped to attention like he’d been shocked. “Sorry, Daichi. I just...”  
  
“Yeah, I know,” he said quietly. “It’s okay.”  
  
“It’s _not_ okay. Not if I’m right,” he said darkly.  
  
“...Yeah.” Daichi sighed. “I really, really hope you aren’t.”

* * *

Suga desperately wanted to talk to Nishinoya, but the libero seemed to be avoiding him.

Not that it was difficult. With their first matches of the tournament approaching, there was a lot to do, and it seemed like they could never practice enough. And the boy was fast with his excuses -- which only made Suga even more suspicious. Any time Suga asked to talk to him for a moment, Nishinoya seemed to have a solid answer handy as to why he couldn’t stand around.

“Do you think he’s onto you?” Daichi asked. He lounged on Suga’s bed like it was his own, and the setter sighed as he curled up against the other boy.

“Yeah. Nishinoya is really observant, even if it might not seem like it. If my suspicions are right, then... that’s not too surprising, given the situation.” He clenched his fists in frustration, and in response, Daichi ran a hand in soothing circles over his back. “I need to talk to him, but the tournament preparation is making it hard to get him alone, especially now that Coach Ukai is gone.”

“It’ll be okay,” Daichi said in a reassuring whisper. “The tournament won’t last forever.”  
  
“Yeah, I know.” He took a deep, shaky breath and squeezed his eyes shut. “I just... thinking that Nishinoya might be going through any of what I did, it’s... I want to help him _now_. Not later.” He wiggled upwards a little and rested his face in the crook of Daichi’s neck, his breath warm against the other boy’s skin as Daichi held him close. “It’s never been this difficult to be patient before.”

Daichi had no answer for that; he just held Suga close until they fell asleep.

* * *

The first match of the tournament was too close for comfort, but they made it.

The second victory a few days later lifted their spirits considerably.  
  
But then they found out their third matchup at the very end of March.  
  
“We’re going against Date Tech,” Daichi said gravely. “The Iron Wall of Date is no joke. We all know that. The other two matches were nothing compared to what this one will be like. We need to get ready to get blocked, and we need to practice our spikes so we can score some points. If we can’t score, we can’t win. Keeping the ball in play won’t be enough if we don’t actually get past their defense.”

Tension was running high again; the gym was unusually serious as the team began their practices. Asahi and Nishinoya stuck close together; they’d be the cornerstone of their offense and defense against the legendary Iron Wall. Every morning before school, and every night after, they were in the gym for hour after hour, until they could barely stand.  
  
And in the end, it still wasn’t enough.

* * *

Nishinoya felt like he was overflowing as they filed back into the gym, unnaturally quiet. It was too much, _too much_ , and before he even realized what he was doing, he threw the floor mop he’d been holding, his hands clenched into fists at his sides. “ _Dammit!_ I couldn’t do block follow-ups at all...” _If I’d just practiced more... volleyball is all I'm good for, and I couldn’t even--_

“ _Why?!_ ”  
  
The gym went dead silent, and Nishinoya looked at Asahi, still as a statue, his eyes wide in confusion and tinged with fear.  
  
“Why aren’t you blaming _me?_ Even though it’s my fault that we lost?! No matter how many balls you recover, it’s _meaningless_ if I can’t get a spike through!” He took a step forward; Daichi’s reprimand didn’t reach him at all as he focused entirely on the tiny player in front of him, silent and waiting.  
  
Something dark and ugly roiled in Nishinoya’s heart, and his face twisted into a sour expression that Asahi had never seen him make before. The patience he normally tried to exercise with the second year seemed to evaporate within him entirely. “Then why didn’t you call for that last pass?” His voice was quiet, but everyone could hear it. He had never sounded so serious. “You could have hit it from your position.”   
  
Suga reached forward, eyes wide. He couldn’t let this happen. “Stop -- stop it, Nishinoya! I kept concentrating the ball on Asahi, so he was worn out--”  
  
“I couldn’t have scored anyway, even if you’d tossed to me.”  
  
Nishinoya felt the tension running through him flare up and consume him; the rage on his face was so unlike his usual demeanor that even Daichi looked stunned. He took a step forward, and then another, and before anyone knew what was happening, his hands were fisting Asahi’s shirt. “ _You won’t know if you don’t try, dammit!_ The next one could have gone through, for all you know!” He kept walking forward, screaming as he pushed him -- the broom behind the wing spiker snapped as his foot landed on the handle. To the side, Suga looked shocked and terrified. “...Don’t you _dare_ decide to give up on a ball I’ve recovered!”  
  
It was clear to Daichi and Suga that this wasn’t even entirely about volleyball anymore. Strong arms wrapped around the libero as Tanaka pulled him off of Asahi; he seemed to deflate, like all his anger had evaporated, leaving him slack and somber, his eyes downcast as he continued speaking. “I’m a libero! A vital part of the team’s defense! But... scoring points is impossible for me. I... can’t attack... so I have no intention of blaming you, no matter how many of your spikes don’t go through...”

His eyes snapped up to meet Asahi’s gaze head on. “However. Just... _selfishly_ giving up... is something I can’t forgive.”

For a moment, the silence was overwhelming.  
  
And then Asahi turned and walked away.

* * *

He couldn’t quite put words to the feeling of uselessness that had permeated every corner of his being; uselessness, and _fear_. He had failed his team, had failed Nishinoya, and the worst part was the libero hadn’t even blamed him for it.

 _I’ll only ever let him down._ Two days had passed since the confrontation in the gym, and Asahi hardly seemed surprised when Nishinoya strode up to him in the hallway and asked him why he hadn’t showed up to practice the day before.  
  
“...There’s nothing fun about hitting spikes that don’t go through.” _...What am I saying? I don’t believe that even one bit. But I feel so..._ “Even if you recover the ball, it’s futile if the attack doesn’t ever connect, right?” _Stop it... Nishinoya isn’t the sort of guy who thinks like that._ He could see the frown on the libero’s face deepening, the lines of his expression becoming pinched with anger. “And whenever my attacks are blocked, Suga feels responsible--”

“What other people think has got _nothing_ to do with it!” _Why is Asahi-san... Why is he saying this--_

“Hey!” The vice-principal peered out of his office, clearly aggravated. “Who’s shouting in the hallway?”

“It’s about whether you want to hit spikes!” Nishinoya continued. _Please... listen to me._  
  
 _Please listen to me._  
  
Asahi looked back at him and said nothing --  
  
\--and turned to walk away once more.  
  
 _This can’t be happening._ **“ _Asahi-san!_ ”**

The second year kept walking, and with each step he took, Nishinoya felt more and more overwhelmed with despair and frustration.

“Hey! Don’t cause a ruckus in the hallway!” the vice-principal shouted as he stomped up towards the first year.  
  
“ _Shut up!_ ” He shoved him away on instinct as the man moved to touch him, and forgot about him even as he toppled backwards into a large, expensive vase. The sound of breaking glass echoed through the hallway; Nishinoya felt numb all over, and offered no resistance as he was dragged into the office by the irate vice principal.

* * *

A one month ban from volleyball club was bad enough... but a one week suspension from school was even worse.

He could hear his heart pounding in his ears, so loud that it nearly drowned out the sound of the phone call the vice principal was making to his grandparents. Dread gripped his mind, made his palms clammy and cold as he slowly made his way home, eyes wide and staring into nothing. The consequences for this would be severe.

 _But I’ve lived there for so long now. It’ll be fine. I’ll survive whatever they do. The suspension will end. The club ban will end, and nothing says I can’t practice until then. Asahi-san will come back... I believe in him. And we’ll keep playing volleyball._  
  
The door to the house was in front of him now. Bolstered by his thoughts, he took a deep breath, and turned the doorknob.  
  
 _This is nothing I can’t endure._

* * *

_to be continued in part iii_

 


	3. part iii

_It hurts._  
  
The thought came to him as he curled up against the wall to sleep, his body sore and aching with bruises; some from his grandparents, and some from volleyball as well.

Just because he’d been banned from the club for a month didn’t mean he couldn’t practice, after all... he just couldn’t do it with the team in the school gymnasium. He had been determined to find another way -- he had to get better, for himself, for the team, for Asahi. The women that practiced in the park nearby had been more than accommodating, and found him charming; they helped him practice his block follow-ups almost every single afternoon. On the days they weren’t at the court, he practiced alone, and ran laps to build his stamina and clear his head.  
  
The week of suspension seemed to fly by; he went back to school as usual to finish the end of his first year, waving away Tanaka’s concern. The other boy’s eyes raked over the fresh bruises on his arms, but Nishinoya just gave him a thumbs up and his signature smile -- _no pain, no gain; right, Ryuu?_ \-- and the spiker laughed before high fiving him and running to his next class.

He kept himself busy over the next several weeks, but it felt... wrong.  
  
Like something was missing.

 _Just a little longer._ Soon, the next school year would be starting, and after a couple more weeks, he’d be able to rejoin.  
  
 _Just a little while longer._

* * *

“Did you see the counselor again, today?”

“Yeah,” Asahi said quietly. His mother was finishing up dinner; a half-finished manuscript she’d been working on sat on the kitchen table, momentarily forgotten while she cooked. “I still don’t want to play anymore,” he said firmly. “I... I can’t.”  
  
He was staring resolutely at the floor, but could almost sense the sad frown on her face in response. “Take all the time you need, dear. It’ll be okay.” The stir fry sizzled as she poked at it and sipped at a mug of lukewarm coffee. “I hope you don’t mind me asking, but... what about Nishinoya-kun? He hasn’t come over since your match. Is everything all right with him?”

She glanced at him after a moment when he didn’t respond right away; the guilt on his face made her heart ache. “I... I don’t know. I haven’t talked to him since it happened.”

“His suspension ended a couple of weeks ago, right?”  
  
“Yeah. But we don’t really see each other outside of volleyball club, since we’re not in the same grade...” _And we haven’t gone looking for each other, I guess._

“I see,” she said, sighing quietly. “I hope he’s been eating enough. Let me know if anything changes, okay? I’ll start making him food again as soon as you give me the word.”

“Okay.” The guilt crushed him more, a physical ache in his chest that was inescapable.  
  
He felt like a coward -- too scared to play volleyball, and too afraid to face the boy he cared about so much.

* * *

Finally, after what felt like forever, Nishinoya’s ban on club activities was lifted.

He’d been a second year for two weeks now, and they’d seemed to drag on for an eternity. He put on his shirt with his favorite phrase -- _One Man Army_ on the back in big, bold lettering -- and ran to the gym as fast as his feet would carry him.

His timing felt so perfect it must have been fate -- a boy that could only be a first year had just sent a ball hurtling over the net. It was only second nature for Nishinoya to run towards it -- the sound of his flawless receive echoed through the room, and the boys on the other side of the net looked at him in surprised awe.

“Ooh, that was a pretty amazing serve... Looks like a pretty incredible player joined while I was gone,” Nishinoya muttered to himself.

 _“Heeey, Noya-san!”_ Tanaka’s joyful yell snapped him out of his thoughts, and Nishinoya’s face immediately lit up with a bright, sunny smile.  
  
“Yo, Ryuu!”

“It’s been forever, man!”

Daichi and Suga both looked overjoyed as they came over. “Nishinoya!”

“Hey! Miss me?” he asked with his signature grin.

“Obviously!” Tanaka laughed as he slapped him on the back.  
  
“Oh -- everyone, this is Nishinoya!” Daichi said proudly. “He’s a second year!”  
  
“S... Sh...” Hinata looked absolutely stunned. “...Sh...”  
  
Suga scratched his chin. “...Hinata? What’s wrong?”

 _“Shorter than me?!”_ he managed to stammer.

“Hey, you bastard, what did you just say?!” Nishinoya growled. Tanaka patted him on the shoulder and muttered a reassurance, totally oblivious to the way the libero tensed beneath his touch.  
  
“I’m... sorry,” Hinata squeaked. “How... How tall are you...?”

“159 centimeters!” Nishinoya said proudly, both hands on his hips.  
  
Suga chuckled behind him, and leaned over to whisper in Daichi’s ear. “He’s counting his hair in his height, I see.”  
  
Daichi smiled and rolled his eyes. “I bet he never lets anyone measure him without it up, these days.” Nishinoya was still introducing himself to the first years; he only got louder when he found out what junior high Kageyama was from, and ran off to greet Kiyoko as soon as he caught sight of her. “Still noisy as ever, huh...”  
  
“Yeah,” Suga said with a relieved smile. “That’s not so bad, though, right? He comes in, whirling like a storm as always...”  
  
“Like an unexpected downpour,” Hinata agreed, still stunned.

“But, his plays are... surprisingly quiet,” Daichi said fondly.  
  
It was then that Nishinoya turned to face them, still as energetic as the first moment he’d walked back into the gym. “What about Asahi-san? Did he come back?”

And just like that, the mood went cold.  
  
“...No,” Daichi said quietly.

Nishinoya’s smile vanished like it had never been there at all; in a split second, his entire demeanor had changed. _I thought for sure... I thought he’d be back--_ “That _coward!_ ”  
  
“Hey, Noya-san!” Tanaka objected. “Don’t talk like that about our ace!”  
  
“A coward’s a coward!” he shot back. He gritted his teeth and turned on his heel, his footsteps heavy with anger.  
  
“Noya-san, wait--”

“It’s just like I said before! If Asahi-san’s not coming back, then _neither am I!_ ”

He slammed the door shut behind him, intent on walking to cool his head. _I can’t believe this, I can’t believe he would just leave us, leave **me**..._  
  
“Please teach me how to do receives!”

Hinata ran up behind him, slightly out of breath but visibly excited. “Nishiya-san, you’re a libero, right? A defense specialist?”  
  
His annoyance had barely faded. “It’s Nishi _noya_. Why do you think I’m a libero? ‘Cause I’m short?”  
  
Hinata looked genuinely confused at the question, and replied with innocent honesty. “Eh? No, it’s because you’re good at receives... I mean, libero isn’t a position you’d do because you’re short. It’s one you do because you’re good at receives! Ah... right? Isn’t it?”  
  
The second year felt a smile tugging at the corners of his lips. “You... understand pretty well, huh.”  
  
“Oh! And the captain called you a ‘Guardian Deity’!”  
  
Again with the nicknames. The tops of his ears turned red as Nishinoya waved his hand dismissively. “ _Guardia_ \-- wh... what’s with that? Being called such an extravagant name... I’m not really... He really said that?” _Dammit, Daichi-san!_  
  
“He really did!” Hinata replied brightly. But his smile faded a little. “I’m... still really clumsy with receives, even though it’s the most important thing in volleyball... So! Please teach me how to do receives... Nishinoya-senpai!”  
  
 _Senpai._  
  
Nishinoya couldn’t remember the last time someone over the age of ten had called him senpai. It was such a small thing, and yet, the respect hit him deep in the coldest parts of his heart. _Senpai._  
  
Well, it wasn’t enough to get him to play in any games -- but buying an energetic first year a garigari-kun pop and practicing with him wouldn’t be so bad at all.

* * *

_‘Sorry, I won’t be going to the practice match.’_

The words played over and over in Daichi’s head. They’d managed to get a match against Nekoma during their Golden Week training camp, but even that hadn’t been enough to get Nishinoya to budge.  
  
He didn’t want to do it without Asahi.

_‘Winning without Asahi-san there... I don’t want something like that.’_

“There’s no way we’re gonna be able to get him to play unless Asahi comes back,” he sighed. “Hope he snaps out of it soon. Nishinoya doesn’t deserve this.”  
  
“Yeah...” Suga hugged his knees as he leaned against Daichi on the captain’s bed. “I don’t think Asahi’s doing it on purpose, you know. His anxiety... well. You know. Still, I think he’ll realize how much he’s hurting Nishinoya, if he hasn’t already. Asahi’s gotten a lot stronger, emotionally, since Nishinoya joined last year. That match against Dateko just shook him up, and the tension... It was just bad circumstance.”  
  
“I hope you’re right.”  
  
Suga smiled, but it was weak and strained. “Come on, Daichi. I’m _always_ right.”

* * *

The new first years were certainly persistent -- even more than Suga had been.

Again, Hinata started talking to him as soon as he left his classroom, animated and bright as he did his best to convince Asahi to return. Truthfully, he’d already been thinking about it -- after all, Nishinoya was back, and despite everything, he hadn’t blamed him. _Do I have enough courage to face him after this?_  
  
Asahi wanted the answer to be yes. Desperately.

“You’ve probably been blocked a lot of times up until now, but you’ve gotten even more spikes through, right?” Hinata’s eyes were bright but serious as he met Asahi’s gaze. “ _That’s_ why everyone calls you an ace.”

The words felt like a shock to his system.

“Hey,” Kageyama said gruffly as he grabbed his partner by the collar, “time’s up. We’re going back, Hinata.” Still, the shorter boy stared at Asahi desperately, unmoving. “ _Hey!_ Move it already, moron! We’ll be late!”  
  
“Yeah, yeah! Geez,” he muttered as he finally turned away. Kageyama took the opportunity to look back at Asahi.  
  
“...It’s a given you can’t win on your own. But that’s why there are six people on the court,” Kageyama offered, the words awkward but sincere. “I came to understand that pretty recently myself, so I can’t make any arrogant comments... Excuse us.”  
  
Asahi watched them as they jogged away to their next class, and smiled ruefully to himself.  
  
 _I can’t believe I just had two first years set me straight. I’ve gotta get it together._

* * *

“There’s a practice match on the last day of Golden Week.”

Asahi practically jumped out of his skin when Daichi caught up peeking into the gym after class. “Geh!”  
  
Daichi rolled his eyes. “You heard, right? Nekoma is coming... Well, from our perspective, it’s kinda like folklore. It’s not like the present-day Karasuno and Nekoma have any connection, but... we have a match against our old rivals, right after our own sort of revival. So tensions are really running high.”  
  
Asahi’s frown mirrored Daichi’s smile like night and day, and his gaze dropped downward. “But I... I just can’t face Suga or Nishinoya,” he whispered.

Daichi looked surprised for a moment, and sighed with fond exasperation. “Geez... Even with that huge body of yours, you’re just as wimpy as always! You’re the complete opposite of Nishinoya!” he laughed.  
  
“Come on, Daichi, at least be a little more indirect saying stuff like that...”

Daichi was thoughtful for a moment, as he thought back to the things Nishinoya had told him. _‘Winning without Asahi-san there... I don’t want something like that.’_  He put his hands on his hips and grinned. _Yeah... Everything’s gonna be fine._ “Don’t worry. Suga, and of course Nishinoya won’t be a problem. Unlike you, they’re open-minded, after all!”  
  
Asahi gave him a flat look. “Aren’t you supposed to be one of those guys with a ‘fundamentally kind’ sort of personality...?”  
  
“Except towards you, because you’re a wimp!” he laughed. Asahi tried to look unimpressed, but the corners of his lips were quirked up in the hints of a smile despite himself. Daichi turned and began walking back towards the gym doors, but continued speaking. “...Skipping out for a month, or things being awkward or difficult... In the end, none of that matters. If you think you might still like volleyball, that’s enough of a reason to return.”  
  
Asahi looked at his spiking hand, deep in thought. _I have been kind of ridiculous, huh?_  
  
He was pulled out of his reverie when Daichi punched him in the arm. “ _Ow!_ ”  But the captain was already marching back towards the gym.

 _I just need... I just need a little more time. I just need to get my thoughts in order. Just a little more._   
  
_I’ll be back soon, Noya._

* * *

The new coach was already grilling Nishinoya about why he couldn’t play; out of the corner of his eye, he could see Suga watching him with a concerned and apologetic look on his face. But before he could even answer any of Coach Ukai’s questions, something incredible happened.

 _“It’s Asahi-san!”_  
  
The coach was yelling, something about how Asahi needed to hurry up and get inside for their practice game, but Nishinoya didn’t hear any of it. His eyes were locked on the wing spiker as he came back inside, but he didn’t say anything at all.  
  
Tanaka called to him, pulling his attention away, and conversation went on as Coach Ukai organized them into opposing teams with the members of the Neighborhood Association team for a practice match. Asahi felt like the eye of a storm; unmoving, still and quiet as everyone around him gave off endless passion and energy.

But now wasn’t the time for fear. It had been hard, but he’d come back. He was here, standing on the court again. Nishinoya hadn’t turned him away, even after a month of being gone.

“One more time,” Asahi whispered.  
  
Nishinoya stopped walking and turned to look at him, his eyes widened just a little in surprise. Asahi pulled his gaze from the floor to look at him, his heart swelling with affection and a near-desperate need for acceptance. “Even if I’m repeatedly blocked,” Asahi continued, “I think I... want to try. One more time.”  
  
Nishinoya’s surprise faded into a calm, serene smile that made Asahi’s heart flutter. “If that’s true, then good. Just hearing that is enough.”  
  
The next few moments blurred together, and all too soon, the ball was coming in Asahi’s direction. A chill ran down his spine as he leapt into the air --  
  
\-- and was blocked, again, just like he’d been before.  
  
He bit his lip so hard that it nearly bled, but not a second later felt a sense of such profound awe and elation that he felt his eyes prickling with tears as Nishinoya dove towards the ball. His tiny hand raced out -- and suddenly the ball was back in the air. He’d saved it.

 _“One more time!”_ Nishinoya was smiling so hard it hurt. “Call out for the toss, ace!”

Suga’s mind went into overdrive as the ball made its way back to him; Kageyama’s insistence that he send it back to Asahi didn’t make it any easier. _What should I do?! If he’s blocked again..._ It was coming, closer and closer, and there was no time, and he couldn’t put pressure on Asahi again since it was what had started that whole mess in the first place, he couldn’t --

 _“Suga!”_ Asahi’s hand shot out. _“One more time!”_  
  
The ball came in his direction, arcing perfectly for his strongest attack. _A reliable guard at my back... the toss that’s easiest for me to hit, thrown just for me... I have everything I need. How did I manage to forget such a simple, obvious thing?_  
  
His feet left the ground once more, adrenaline surging through his blood, his heart roaring in his ears.  
  
 _I’m not fighting alone. No matter how many times the ball I’ve been entrusted with hits a wall... I’ll break it down._ He thought of Nishinoya as the blockers on the other side of the net rose up, their hands obscuring his field of vision; how strong and impossibly wonderful he was, despite Asahi’s certainty that he was suffering more than he’d let on.  
  
The wall on the other side of the net wasn’t the only one he was intent to overcome.

 _I’ll definitely break it down, as the ace!_  
  
The sound of the ball against his hand was like a crack of thunder through the gym as it blasted through the blockers. His blood felt like fire as he turned around to see Nishinoya smiling at him with nothing but love.  
  
And in that moment, Asahi was certain that everything would be okay.

* * *

“I’m so glad they’re both back!” Tanaka smiled as Suga jogged over to get a mop. “Isn’t Noya-san incredible, Suga-san? He’s so good and he still practices so hard... he’s so cool! That guy has new bruises every time I see him!”

Suga knew it was meant as nothing but praise and admiration, but the words made his blood run cold; he felt his skin crawl as he considered the possibilities. “Yeah,” he said, sounding more than a little distracted. “It’s good that we’re all together again.”  
  
Now that the tournament was over, and now that everything had returned to relative normalcy -- it was the perfect chance. Suga was determined to talk to Nishinoya -- if he wanted to help, he couldn’t do it all in one day.

The sooner he set the wheels in motion, the better.

* * *

Nishinoya had felt Suga’s eyes on him for the rest of practice; he had a feeling he knew what was coming. _Damn, he’s observant. It’s unnerving._ Every time his eyes flickered over to Suga, the third year was watching him with a careful look. Self-consciously, the smaller boy rubbed at his bruised arms as he turned back to focus on receives.

Sure enough, once practice was about to wrap up, Suga walked up to him, careful not to pat his shoulder like he had before. “Hey, Nishinoya. I’m cleaning up today; stay after and help me out, okay? I wanted to ask you a few things.”  
  
Nishinoya faltered in his stretching for just a moment, silent and still before he went back to what he was doing. “Sure thing, Suga-san,” he agreed quietly.

He felt jittery and distracted as he finished up and showered; at his locker, he fiddled with the strap of his bag instead of going back to help Suga clean up. Before long, the setter came to him instead, his footsteps deliberately loud against the floor.  
  
“Hey,” the second year said quietly as he sat down on a bench, crossing his legs at his ankles while he put his hands in his lap.

“...Hey.” It came out colder than Nishinoya intended; he turned to face Suga, his back flush against the lockers. “This isn’t about volleyball, is it?”

Suga’s smile was full of sadness. “No, it isn’t. I want to... tell you a little bit about myself, before anything else. Because I think you’d understand.”

Nishinoya relaxed a little against the cool metal behind his head. _Not what I expected._ “...Okay,” he replied seriously. He sat down in front of Suga on the floor, cross-legged; the setter looked at him for a moment, and then moved to the ground as well.  
  
“I don’t want to be above you while I’m talking,” he explained. _‘I don’t want to be intimidating’_   wasn’t what he wanted to say, though, even if it was the truth. “I don’t want to be rude.” Nishinoya nodded a little, and watched him expectantly. The setter took a deep breath and closed his eyes for a moment; he could feel his heart beating just a little more quickly. _I haven’t told anyone about this since I met Daichi and Asahi in our first year..._

“So... my parents aren’t actually my biological parents. They adopted me in my second year of junior high, because my birth parents... weren’t very good people.”

Nishinoya’s eyes widened and he leaned forward in interest. _Definitely not what I expected,_ he thought. _Holy shit._

“They... hit me sometimes, but mostly, they yelled at me a lot. Stuff about how I was a bad son, and I’d ruined their lives, and I’d be doing them a favor if I killed myself.” He smiled a little despite the weight of his words; Nishinoya looked startled, but also angry on his behalf.  
  
“But it’s okay,” he said soothingly. “For a long time, I didn’t tell anyone, you know? I was scared to. Like, what if someone didn’t believe me, or I just ended up somewhere even worse? But one night when I came home, my mother hit me -- but this time, it was in the face. Twice. And the next day at school, I got sent to the nurse’s office as soon as my homeroom teacher saw me, because I looked so bad.”  
  
“Damn,” Nishinoya whispered. “What happened?”  
  
“She called a social worker,” he said quietly. “I told her that some kids hit me on the way to school, but she didn’t believe me at all. A couple hours later, I was sitting in a room with another woman... the nurse’s older sister, actually.” He leaned back a little. “Normally, they ask you a bunch of questions and then go through a bunch of red tape to put you in a shelter or a foster home, I guess... but the social worker really took a shine to me. I guess I got kind of lucky in that regard. She came to the school every day for two weeks to talk to me. She asked me a lot about myself, but told me a lot about her life, too. One morning, she was sitting down with me just half an hour after my dad had thrown a lamp at my head.”

Nishinoya bit his lip, outrage clear on his face; Suga kept talking with a rueful smile. “I started crying as soon as I sat down. I told her I didn’t want to live with my parents, or with strangers, and asked why I couldn’t just live with her. And you know what? She said that was okay.”  
  
“For real?”  
  
“For real. I got lucky, really. A social worker adopting a kid is a little bit unheard of,” he said with a laugh. “And... not a lot of people know she’s not my biological mom, or about any of this. I mean, obviously it’s not something you go telling every single person you meet. The teachers know, though... and so do Daichi and Asahi, and their parents. I guess, the really important thing I want to say...”  
  
He took a deep breath. “They don’t treat me any differently. They’re all really good people. And I’d like to think that I can... I can understand someone that’s going through stuff like I did. I don’t want to put any pressure on you, and you don’t have to tell me anything, but I want you to know I’m here for you. We all are. And... Asahi is a good guy.”  
  
Nishinoya was quiet for a moment as Suga looked at him expectantly. “I... I know he is.”  
  
Suga smiled a little. “I mean... if you can, I think... maybe you should open up to him. We all care about you, and you’re pretty much the sun in Asahi’s sky. I know it’s not easy. It’s terrifying! But... think about it. And let me know if you ever want some help. I can ask my mom. Okay?”  
  
He stood up, and offered the libero his hand. For a long, quiet moment, Nishinoya just stared back at him. He was confused and afraid; Suga had opened a door he hadn’t even known was there, and yet Nishinoya was still afraid of getting his hopes up.  
  
Finally, he took Suga’s hand and stood; he brushed himself off, and gave the setter a small, tired smile. “Okay, Suga-san. Thanks.”  
  
“No problem,” he said warmly. “Just remember one thing, okay? You’re not alone.” He gave Nishinoya a thumbs up. “Come on, let’s finish cleaning and lock up.”  
  
Later, as Nishinoya walked back home, he realized that for once, he wasn’t afraid to return. He’d always held on to the hope that he could leave eventually, but he never imagined actually having someone that he could trust willing to help.  
  
He thought of Asahi as his hand closed around the doorknob. _It’ll be okay... it’ll be fine._  
  
 _I’m not alone._

* * *

Golden Week training camp was a welcome reprieve for Nishinoya; it gave him time to focus on volleyball and clear his head, time to think about everything that Suga said to him, and an excuse to stay away from home for a while. Even losing to Nekoma over and over didn’t carry the bitter feeling that most defeats did; everyone wanted to keep playing until they had no energy left. In a way, it was like heaven.

And yet, all too soon it was over.  
  
Going back home had never been so hard. But at least Asahi and the other second years were back; they had a coach again as well as their old rivals. Everything was going surprisingly well for the club, considering how much of a disaster the last few months of the previous school year had been.  
  
They had two weeks until InterHigh preliminaries started; they had to focus now more than ever. Despite that, Nishinoya found it was impossible; Suga’s conversation plagued him even now as he cleaned up after practice. He needed to talk to Asahi, but he wasn’t sure how to start the conversation at all.

 _Doesn’t matter. I’ve gotta do this!_  
  
Asahi grunted a little as he hoisted one of the pillars of the net over his shoulder; he was helping Nishinoya today, and they were completely alone in the gym. It was a perfect opportunity to talk. He opened his mouth, but no sound came out; he couldn’t find the words. The third year turned to him with a soft smile, oblivious to his inner turmoil.  
  
“Come on, Noya. Let’s go wash up and then head home.”

He opened his mouth again, but still couldn’t speak around the lump in his throat. Asahi’s smile vanished at the look on the libero’s face, and he took a step closer, clearly concerned. “Noya? What’s wrong?”

“Asahi-san, I... I need to talk to you.”  
  
“...Okay,” he said a little nervously. “Um... is here good? Or do you want to go to the locker room?”  
  
“Yeah, here is fine. I don’t care.” Asahi placed the equipment he was holding back on the floor and took a few steps closer to Nishinoya, waiting quietly and patiently.

“Is... is everything okay?” he asked tentatively after several moments of silence.  
  
Nishinoya looked uncertain and almost _afraid_ in a way that Asahi had never seen before as he glanced away, unable to meet the older boy’s eyes. “Yeah, sorry, it’s just... I don’t talk about this to people. I never really have. But I want to tell you. Because you’re... because you’re important to me.”

“Oh...” His cheeks were the faintest shade of pink, but Asahi looked more worried than flustered. “Okay. I’m here to listen.”  
  
“Well...” Nishinoya began haltingly. “You know how my grandparents always...” _\-- treat me like shit --_ “...ground me and stuff, and I don’t talk about them that much? And I always sound mad whenever I’m on the phone with them.”   
  
“Yeah?”  
  
“And...” His heart was beating fast, too fast, and it was a little harder to breathe. He didn’t realize that his hands had started shaking; Asahi’s eyes flickered downward and saw the faint tremors, and he leaned in closer in response.  
  
“Noya?” he said softly.  
  
Nishinoya shook his head. _I gotta do this. No backing down now._ “And obviously you know I play volleyball a lot, and do extra practice. Like all the block follow-up training I did when I was banned from the club. So that’s why I’ve always got so many bruises.”  
  
Asahi felt a cold, creeping dread as he realized where the conversation was going.  
  
“But...” Nishinoya’s voice choked for a moment, and he kept his eyes glued to the floor. He couldn’t bear to look at Asahi’s face; the next words were hardly more than a whisper. “N-not... not all of the bruises are from volleyball.”

The silence was near overwhelming as Asahi tentatively came closer, putting a large, warm hand on Nishinoya’s arm. Tension flared through the smaller boy for a moment on reflex -- but he took a deep breath, closed his eyes, and managed to relax into the touch. “Do you mean... that they... they...”  
  
“Yeah,” Nishinoya sighed. “Yeah.” He blinked quickly, cursing inwardly as he felt the hot sting of tears forming in his eyes. His breathing was just a little ragged; it felt like all his self-control and well-placed armor were coming apart. _Fuck, this is hard._  
  
But a moment later, he felt something that he hadn’t felt in years and years -- warm, strong, caring arms embracing him, gentle and so loving that he wasn't entirely sure it was real. For a second, he felt that reflexive tension come back; but once more, it vanished as he returned the hug and buried his face in Asahi’s chest.  
  
Asahi closed his eyes and fought back tears. The idea of someone hurting a child like that was horrible enough, but for someone to do it to Nishinoya disgusted and terrified him so much that he could hardly stand it.  _This isn’t about me. I can’t cry no matter how much I might want to. For once, I have to... I have to be strong._ “I’m so sorry, Noya... I’m so, so sorry...” He could feel the boy shaking in his arms, trembling with soft, breathy sobs.  
  
“I _hate_ crying,” Nishinoya whispered with a surprising amount of venom. “Dammit -- I’m sorry --”  
  
“You don’t have anything to apologize for,” Asahi whispered. “It’s... it’s okay. I don’t mind. I’m here. Just... let it all out, if you want. Let it out.”  
  
Nishinoya’s hands gripped the back of Asahi’s jersey so hard that his knuckles turned white; it felt like a dam bursting inside of him, like he couldn’t stop no matter how hard he wanted. Each word of assurance, and the warmth of the boy holding him, stripped the last of his defenses away, leaving him raw and vulnerable in a way he hadn’t been in years.

“Don’t... don’t think any differently of me,” Nishinoya whispered harshly. “Don’t.”  
  
“Why would I?” Asahi asked honestly. “You’re... you’re so strong, Noya. I always knew that. I’ve been so... inspired by you, you know? Since the day we met. And it turns out you’re even stronger than I imagined. I just... I think you’re even more amazing than I already did.” He hugged him just a little tighter. “And I... I want to be here for you. Like you’ve always been here for me. I want to help, if... If I can.”

Nishinoya was quiet for a moment; most of his trembling had subsided. “You already help a lot more than you realize, Asahi-san.”  
  
“Still! I want to do more. And I need... I need to make up for leaving like I did. That was--”  
  
“I don’t care about that anymore.” Nishinoya pulled away a little, and quickly wiped at his eyes before catching Asahi’s gaze head-on. His face was a little blotchy and red; Asahi felt his heart clench with grief. “I don’t care, Asahi-san. You’re _here_ , right _now_. You came back. That’s what matters.”

“Okay,” Asahi said softly. “Just... I’m here for you. Okay?”  
  
“Yeah,” Nishinoya said with a small smile. “I know.”

* * *

_to be continued in part iv_

 


	4. part iv

Nishinoya woke with tears streaming down his face and his heart beating so hard he could barely breathe.  
  
The terror surging through him began to subside as he took in his surroundings, and squinted at the first light of dawn coming in through his dirty window. _Just... just a nightmare._ He had them on a pretty regular basis, but as of late, it was almost a nightly occurrence.   
  
One rushed shower later, he was heading out the door, determined to put it behind him and enjoy another day away from home.

* * *

“Hey, Nishinoya! Do you have some time to talk with me today before you leave?”

He blinked up at Suga; he was on his way to get showered and changed. “Sure thing, Suga-san. We’re not cleaning up today, though, right?”  
  
“Nah, Daichi and Asahi are taking care of it. But we can just talk outside the gym, if you don’t mind?”

“Yeah, no problem.”   
  
“Okay, great! I’ll meet you by the bench after you finish!” He waved a little before walking away to go over training menus with Daichi, leaving Nishinoya to continue what he’d been doing before.  
  
He wasn’t nearly as nervous this time, at least. Suga was one of the few people he could really look up to, and now that he knew the setter understood him -- not just through empathy, but experience, too -- he felt like he could relax his guard around him.  
  
...Especially since he’d offered to help.  
  
 _He didn’t ask me anything. He just told me his own story and didn’t pressure me at all._ His movements were almost robotic as he got into a shower stall; his eyes slid shut as the hot water eased his aches and pains, and let his thoughts wander some more. _Suga-san said his mom could help. Maybe she could find me a better place to stay? Almost anywhere’s better than where I’m at now._  
  
 _...But only as long as I can keep going to Karasuno._

The idea of leaving the school made his stomach turn. _Staying with them and Karasuno, or starting over and risking somewhere worse... No way. I’d stay with Karasuno. Hell no._ Steam soothed his throat, sore from all his enthusiastic yelling at practice. _No. I gotta stay calm. Suga-san wouldn’t do that. He wouldn’t let that happen to me. He wouldn’t._  
  
 _He definitely won’t._

He took his time drying off and getting dressed; Asahi and Daichi waved at him from where they were cleaning the floor as he walked outside, shutting the door behind him. Suga was waiting for him on the bench, legs crossed at the ankles; he patted the spot beside him, and Nishinoya sat while doing his best not to fidget.

“So, I’m guessing you talked to Asahi?”  
  
Nishinoya looked up at the sky, but he could feel Suga’s eyes on him. “How’d you know?”  
  
“He’s looking at you even more than he used to, the last couple days. Like he’s really worried about something. Even more than usual, I mean,” he said with a little laugh. “Did it go well?”

Nishinoya smiled a little. “...Yeah. Yeah, it did! Thanks for the advice, Suga-san. And everything else you told me, too.”

“I’m glad! I’m guessing that means you’ve been thinking about my offer to help, by the way?”  
  
Nishinoya shoved his hands in his pockets, eyes firmly on the ground now. “Yeah...  If you could. But I don’t... I don’t wanna end up somewhere worse. Or switch schools. I _won’t_ switch schools.”  
  
“I understand,” he said quietly. “I won’t let that happen, okay? I promise. That’s not gonna happen, Nishinoya. No matter what.”

Nishinoya finally looked back at him; Suga’s eyes were warm but serious. After a moment, he nodded.  
  
“So... I do need to tell you, though. If you accept my offer... what I have in mind means that Daichi will know for sure. He expects it, though... We’ve been talking about this for a while. And the teachers and Coach Ukai will probably hear about it too. You don’t have to give us any details, of course... that’s your own decision. Some legal workers might ask, but at least they’re strangers... I don’t know if that might make it easier. Would you be okay with that?”  
  
He was silent for a moment while he considered the options in front of him. _Stay until I can leave on my own, or accept whatever Suga-san’s got in mind and have them find out something’s wrong at home._ Idly, he played with the strap of his bag as he thought; a moment later, he nodded once more. “Yeah, that’s cool. I mean... I can trust you and Daichi-san. And the Coach and Take-chan seem like good enough guys too. And I don’t really care about the other teachers, anyway.”

Suga smiled at him. “You’re still nervous, aren’t you? Well, not that I can blame you... I would be, too. I was, when all that stuff happened to me in junior high.” He gave Nishinoya a thumbs up, resisting the urge to pat him on the shoulder.   
  
“Do you think it’d be easier to convince your mom if I... if I told you some of what happens?”  
  
The third year sighed. “Yeah. But I don’t want to pressure you--”  
  
“They hit me,” he said, very matter-of-factly. He felt slightly ashamed of how proud he was of the fact that his voice only shook a little as a he said it. _At least it’s a little easier than when I told Asahi,_ he thought unhappily. “They hit me... that’s why I always have so many bruises. Not just from practice. And they... they call me a faggot, and tell me that I’ll burn in hell. Stuff like that.”

He looked back at the ground again, unable to meet Suga’s eyes; it was hard enough to say this with any semblance of composure. “And if I make ‘em really mad, they ban me from the kitchen for a while. So... so I only really eat normally at school, or Asahi’s house.”

He squeezed his eyes shut and took a deep breath. “And when I was younger... a few times... my grandpa. He...” _Damn. Dammit! There’s no way, there’s no way I can say that -- I feel like I’m gonna be sick -- I can’t breathe --_  
  
“Hey,” Suga said, voice quiet and soothing. “It’s okay. You don’t have to tell me anything else. It’s gonna be okay, Nishinoya. I’ll talk to my mom and dad when I get home tonight, okay? We’ll figure this out.”

Nishinoya concentrated as hard as he could on breathing slowly. Suga sat there with him, unjudging and calm until he was steady enough to reply.  
  
“...Yeah. Thanks, Suga-san.”  
  
Suga’s smile was like a beacon of hope. “It’s no trouble at all.”

* * *

“So, did it go okay?”

Daichi squeezed Suga’s hand gently as they walked back to Suga’s house together. “Yeah,” the setter replied. “Honestly, though, I’m nervous. Almost as nervous as when it was me in the same situation. I don’t want to... I _can’t_ fail. I can’t make a mistake here or let Nishinoya down.”

“Hey, it’s gonna be fine.” He slipped his arm around Suga’s shoulders and drew him close for a moment; Suga sighed into the touch. “Let’s get you back home, and you can talk to your parents. I’ll be there with you. No moping.”  
  
“You’re right. Now isn’t the time for it, huh?” His lips curved into a small smile. “All right. Let’s get going.”

* * *

A pleasant voice called out to the two boys in greeting as they walked inside the cozy house. Suga wrung his hands together as he made his way to the living room, where his mother was reading a book.

“Mom... Can Daichi and I talk to you?”  
  
She frowned and put her book down, tucking a long strand of black hair behind her ear as she patted the spot beside her. “Sure, honey. Come here. What’s the matter?”

Suga sat beside her, and Daichi squeezed in beside him on the other end of the couch. “So... it’s about a second year boy in volleyball club. He needs your help. If that’s possible.”

Her expression became deadly serious. “Of course. Tell me a little bit about him. What’s going on?”

“His name is Nishinoya Yuu. He’s our libero. One of the most passionate, genuine guys I’ve ever met. He’s a really good kid and an amazing player.”  
  
She nodded. “I remember you talking about him sometimes and a few photos you’ve shown me on your phone. He’s a genius when it comes to volleyball and a little spitfire.”  
  
“Yeah,” he replied with a sad smile. Daichi was quiet beside him, but held his hand as he continued talking. “But ever since he joined last year, I’ve been a little suspicious. He’s always got so many bruises. Way more than anyone else in the club. And it’s just little things, like... Sometimes, I would put my hand on his shoulder, and every single time, he’s flinched away from me.”

His mother’s mouth thinned. “That’s not good.”  
  
“No,” he agreed, “it isn’t. So... right before the training camp, I talked to him. I told him about what happened to me, but I didn’t confront him about his own things... I just encouraged him to talk to another guy on our team that he likes a lot. But today... he told me some of it on his own, after practice was over.”  
  
“What did he say?” she asked quietly.  
  
“He lives with his grandparents... they’re physically and verbally abusive. They starve him, too. And I think... a while ago, his grandfather might have done something sexual. But he looked like he was gonna be sick when he said it, so I told him not to tell me that part.” He could feel Daichi tense beside him in anger. “I want to get him out, mom. He doesn’t want to leave Karasuno, and he’s scared of ending up somewhere worse, just like I was. But I have to help him.”

She took a deep breath and closed her eyes for a moment before looking back at him, determined and thoughtful. “All right. I’ll talk to your father about this when he gets home. There are a few different things we can do here, but I have a specific idea in mind.”  
  
Suga looked hopeful. “Like what? Do you mean--”  
  
“I can’t make any promises,” she said quickly. “But we _have_ been wanting to adopt a second child for a while. You said you’ve always wanted a brother, right? Would you be okay with Nishinoya-kun being that brother?”

“Yeah! Absolutely,” he said, a little breathless.  
  
His mother’s smile was warm and genuine. “All right. I’m going to do everything I can. Once things have been set up, we can get Nishinoya-kun out of his house the same way we got you out. I’ll let you know when we can. Tell him next time you see him, okay? I’ll work as fast as possible.”

“Okay! Thank you so much, mom!”

“It’s no trouble at all, Koushi. Go ahead and get started on your homework; I’ll let you both know when dinner is ready.”

Suga gave her a quick hug before he tugged Daichi by the hand to follow him upstairs to his room; a few moments later, they were sitting side by side on his bed. The setter threw his arms around Daichi’s waist and nuzzled against him; Daichi held him close and ran a hand through his hair before pressing a gentle kiss to the top of his head.  
  
“You’re so brave, Koushi,” he whispered. “I’m really proud of you.”

Suga flushed a little. “I haven’t really done anything--”  
  
“Don’t give me that. You’re incredible. I mean it, and I’m sure Nishinoya would agree. He might not be out of the woods yet, but he _will_ be. You’re helping him, instead of turning a blind eye, which would be a hell of a lot easier than what you’re doing now.”  
  
“I can’t just _ignore_ it--”  
  
“I know.” Daichi smiled down at him as he brushed a strand of hair out of Suga’s eyes. “That’s what I mean. You’re amazing. I’m a lucky man.”  
  
Suga buried his face in Daichi’s shirt to hide his embarrassment; Daichi’s laughter was warm and full of fondness.  
  
 _I think... everything will work out._  
  
 _It’ll be okay, Nishinoya._

* * *

_Damn, I’m starving. I might be able to sneak something out of the fridge..._ Nishinoya pressed his ear against the old wood of his bedroom door, straining to hear what it was like in the rest of the house. _Pretty sure Grandma’s still asleep, and Grandpa’s in the back yard. Just a little bread or something..._

He winced at the loud creak of his door as it opened, and shut it softly behind him. With silent footsteps, he snuck to the kitchen; it was empty, and the back door was open. _The coast is clear, but I gotta be quick._ His hand hovered over the handle of the refrigerator door when he heard the footsteps, and the sudden sound of the screen door slamming shut.  
  
 _Fuck._

“Well, well, what do we have here?” his grandfather drawled out, slow and menacing. Nishinoya turned around; he was moving towards him, angry and threatening. “Didn’t your grandma ban you from the kitchen, you little fuck? Think you could sneak one by us? You gonna _steal_ from us?”  
  
“I’m just a little hungry--”  
  
“So you _were_ gonna steal! Right out of our fridge!” The scent of sake and cigarettes was so strong it was nearly nauseating as he towered over Nishinoya. “You little _shit_ , you’re _never_ gonna learn, are you?!”   
  
His arm came out, lightning fast, and his fingers closed around Nishinoya’s throat, driving him back against the cold refrigerator door. It was worse than last time; Nishinoya gasped, desperate for air as the old man’s dirty fingers dug painfully into his skin. His grandfather’s other hand came up and fisted in his hair, pulling it forcefully at the roots; the agony was so intense that tears fell freely from the boy’s eyes. He was completely at his grandfather’s mercy.  
  
“You’re such a worthless piece of shit,” his grandfather hissed, driving his head back against the door. Dull pain throbbed through his skull, but it was nothing compared to the fire of his lungs, deprived of oxygen as the fingers stayed firm against his throat.  
  
In that moment, he thought of Asahi’s gentle hug, of Suga’s quiet promises, of the hope he finally had for the future -- and for the first time, he felt his terror slip away like it had never been there at all.  
  
 _“Let... me... go.”_  
  
The words were barely a whisper, but he said them, and felt pride and satisfaction surge through every fiber of his being. He’d _never_ been able to stand up to him when he was being hurt before. “Let... me... go,” he wheezed again. His grandfather just smiled and forced his head back against the door again.  
  
“What the fuck are you doing?” His grandmother’s voice echoed from the hallway, obviously angry. “You’re making too much noise! Knock it off!”  
  
“Huh? He was trying to steal food from us!”  
  
“Who gives a shit? You made your point. I’m trying to sleep, for fuck’s sake!”

“Yeah, yeah, whatever,” his grandfather muttered darkly. He let Nishinoya go; immediately, the teenager took in great lungfuls of air. “You’re such a bitch. You really get on my fuckin’ nerves, you know that?”  
  
Nishinoya took the opportunity to slip away and go back to his room. _Fine by me if they’re gonna fight each other. Better them than me._ He sat on his bed, still breathing heavily. _I can’t believe it -- I actually stood up to him, I--_  
  
And then, he felt so much sudden, profound shame that he felt sick to his stomach.  
  
 _Can’t believe I’m so charged up over something so stupid,_ he thought harshly. _Pathetic. I barely even said anything! Why am I proud of that?! I’m pathetic!_ Hot tears stung his eyes; angrily, he wiped them away before curling up, desperately trying to ignore the sound of his grandparents screaming at each other so he could get some sleep.

The shouting only intensified; the sounds of them hitting each other and throwing things went on for what felt like forever. But finally, they quieted down as the fight ended; and luckily, they didn’t come to Nishinoya’s room to bother him.  
  
The darkness felt both suffocating and welcoming; hours later, he finally slipped into an uneasy slumber, desperate for the morning to come.

* * *

Nishinoya woke to a dull, throbbing ache all around his neck and an unpleasantly sore throat.

He rubbed his eyes before turning on the lamp at his bedside; the room was cast in a dim, yellow glow as he walked up to the grubby, broken mirror beside his window to check his reflection.  
  
Long, ugly bruises vaguely resembling the shape of his grandfather’s fingers wound around his neck, violent and ugly against his fair skin. _Shit._ They’d be hard to hide, and he couldn’t blame them on volleyball -- he only had one option, and it was miserable and difficult to believe. But he was too exhausted and in too much pain to think of a better excuse; for now, it would have to do.  
  
He sighed as he got dressed before wrapping an old scarf around his neck, already dreading the summer heat that would hit later in the day.

* * *

“Heeeey, Noya-san!” Tanaka greeted enthusiastically. His smile gave way to confusion as the other second year put his bag down in the locker room. “...What’s that for? It’s the middle of summer!”

“I got a cold!” he replied with a tremendously fake smile. His voice still sounded raspy; at least it gave some evidence to his story. “I gotta sit out of practice today, but I still wanted to come by anyway.”

“Noya-san... you’re so dedicated!” Tanaka wailed with tears in his eyes.  
  
Nishinoya grinned and gave him a thumbs up, then made his way to the benches; he could feel Coach Ukai’s eyes on him the entire time.  
  
“Sick?” he asked gruffly.  
  
“Yup!” the libero replied brightly. “Sorry, Ukai-san. I’ll get better as fast as I can!” _Dammit, this is frustrating. Like I can afford to miss practice with the InterHigh prelims coming up!_

“Yeah, yeah. Drink a lot of juice and rest up. We need you at 100%.”

The coach turned his attention back to the practice after that. More than once, Nishinoya caught Suga, Daichi or Asahi giving him worried and suspicious looks. _Yeah, figured there’d be no hiding it from them._

Sure enough, Suga came trotting over a moment later and sat beside him. He leaned over to talk quietly so that nobody else would overhear. “Did something happen, Nishinoya?”  
  
The libero nodded, but said nothing. “Okay,” Suga replied. “I understand. I was going to ask you to help clean up today, but since you’re not feeling well, would you like to leave with Asahi after we’re all done instead?”  
  
 _He’s trying to make it easier for me if I want to tell Asahi what happened..._ “Yeah... Sorry, Suga-san. I’ll make it up to you!”

“That won’t be necessary,” he smiled. “Don’t worry about it, okay? Go home with Asahi today and take care of yourself as much as you can.”  
  
Nishinoya forced a smile for him and saluted.  
  
It was going to be a long afternoon.

* * *

The walk back to Asahi’s house was unusually awkward and quiet; unasked questions that the older boy already knew the answer to hung heavy in the air between them.

But Asahi wasn’t going to ask -- not while they were still in public, at least. “My mom will be really happy to see you again,” he said instead with a smile that was just a bit forced. “I texted her earlier to tell her you were coming over... She got so excited. There’s probably gonna be a ton of food.”

“Awesome! I’m starving!”  
  
Asahi smiled back at him; the mood was just a little bit lighter as they made their way to Asahi’s house. As they got to the train, Nishinoya was thankful that they only had to ride it for three stops; the heat of summer and being pressed in with so many people while wearing a scarf was almost unbearable.

As soon as they opened the door to his house, Asahi’s mom came into the doorway like a hurricane, fussing over the libero with a huge smile on her face. “Nishinoya-kun, I’ve missed you so much! I made a lot of food for you and Asahi. What’s with that scarf, dear? Are you sick?”

“Just a little,” he rasped. “I felt cold, so I decided to wear a scarf!”  
  
“It’s so threadbare, though... I’ll make you some special tea for your throat and see about replacing that scarf, it won’t do. Go upstairs and relax while I finish dinner! I’ll bring it upstairs so you can take it easy while you study.”  
  
She shooed them up the stairs; as he followed Asahi, Nishinoya couldn’t help but smile a little, despite knowing the uncomfortable conversation that was probably about to happen. _I... I missed this. I missed her a lot. I’m glad to be back._

Asahi opened the door and set his bag down; Nishinoya did the same and sprawled out beside the taller boy on his large, comfortable bed. “It feels like I haven’t been here in forever! Thanks for inviting me over today, Asahi-san.”

“It’s no trouble,” he said quietly. “But, um... I was... wondering.”

Nishinoya sat up and turned to face him; after a moment, he realized he was clenching his jaw and consciously forced himself to relax a little. “You don’t believe that I’m sick, right?”  
  
“Well -- I mean, I wouldn’t say it like _that_ , exactly... I’m just worried, after... after what you told me the other day.”

Nishinoya stopped looking at him, and let his gaze drop to his hands, clenched loosely into fists in his lap instead. “Fair enough. Well, you can take it off if you want.”  
  
“Huh...?”  
  
“The scarf,” he clarified. His voice shook a little with the words. “You can take it off, if you want.”

“Oh... o-okay.” Asahi was still for a moment; he brought his hands up to Nishinoya’s face and brushed a stray strand of hair from his forehead. The libero’s eyes slid shut; Asahi’s hands felt so warm, and the gesture felt incredibly intimate. He’d never been touched like this, delicately and gently; the fact that even thinking about Asahi was enough to get his heart racing intensified it.  
  
Asahi was slow and careful as his hands came to the worn, burgundy fabric; he took his time as he unwound it, little by little. Nishinoya could feel his heart beating faster and his hands shaking again as he let down his guard for the boy in front of him; he was acutely aware of how painfully vulnerable he was in every possible way.  
  
 _Asahi could hurt me. He could hurt me so easily... he’s so much bigger than I am. Powerful. But he... wouldn’t. He **never** would. I know that._  
  
 _It’s one of the things I love about him._

Finally, Asahi finished unwrapping the scarf and pulled it away. He inhaled sharply and blinked away the sudden tears that threatened to spill over; one of his hands inched forward, and he slowly ran his fingers overs the dark bruises marring Nishinoya’s throat. The libero trembled at the touch; a moment later, he felt Asahi’s arms wrap around him in a warm, comforting embrace.  
  
“Noya...” His voice was barely a whisper, choked with tears. Nishinoya closed his eyes again and let himself relax into the hug, grateful that Asahi couldn’t tell he was crying with his face buried against the wing spiker’s chest.  
  
“Suga-san said he’s gonna try and help me, so... maybe I won’t be there for much longer.” He took a deep breath. “But I’m... afraid... to get my hopes up. Doesn’t really feel real. Doesn’t seem like it could end sometimes when it’s all I’ve really known for the last nine years.”  
  
 _“Nine years...”_ Asahi held him just a little tighter, and despite it all, Nishinoya felt himself genuinely smile.  
  
“It’s gonna be okay, Asahi-san. Why are you crying? Jeez.”  
  
“S-sorry.” He didn’t let Nishinoya go; he seemed intent on holding him close. “I just -- I can’t bear to think... Why would...?”  
  
“For stealing,” he whispered. “I got banned from the kitchen again a couple weeks ago. But I was really hungry last night, and I thought the coast was clear. So I tried to sneak something from the fridge, but... I got caught.”

“That doesn’t... that doesn’t make _sense_ , you’re supposed to _share food_ with kids -- you’re supposed to... I...”

“Yeah... yeah, I know. It’ll be fine, though. I don’t think I’ll be there too much longer. What’s a little more time after all these years? Suga-san’s helping out, and... I trust him.” _I really do. Damn. And..._ “And I... I feel safe. With you.”

The gravity of his words wasn’t lost on Asahi; he rested his head against Nishinoya's, his breath warm against the smaller boy’s neck. “I’m glad,” he said softly, after a moment. “I would... I would _never_ hurt you, Nishinoya, I swear.”

“I know, Asahi-san. I trust you, too. More... more than anyone,” he whispered. “Maybe that’s kind of stupid of me. You could break me in half if you wanted. But I can’t seem to help it. I feel... I feel really safe with you.”

Asahi didn’t reply this time; he just held Nishinoya close. They stayed like that until his mom knocked on the door; reluctantly, Asahi let Nishinoya go and went downstairs to help carry up dinner. He told her that Nishinoya had a bad sore throat and a little bit of a fever when she asked more about his illness; when they returned, it was with several plates of food and a pot of hot tea, heavy with honey and lemon.  
  
“Feel better soon, Nishinoya-kun. Let me know if you boys need anything, okay? I’ll be downstairs writing.”

They ate in silence; Nishinoya slowly drank the tea, and it did manage to make his throat feel a lot better, even if the pain wasn’t actually from illness. When he finished, he quietly watched Asahi finish the last few bites of his food.  
  
“Asahi-san... I don’t... I don’t wanna go home tonight,” he whispered.  
  
Asahi blinked, and scooted around the side of the table to sit closer to him. “Do you want to stay here tonight? Will you get in trouble?”

“I don’t care if I do.” His voice wavered, just a little. “I don’t want to go back. Not now. I don’t wanna be alone right now.”

“That’s fine. That’s okay,” Asahi said soothingly. “You can stay here. My mom doesn’t mind... I don’t mind either, of course!” He scratched at his head, a little bashful and unsure of himself. “Um, do you want to sit on my bed to study? It might be more comfortable that way. Since you’re... since you’re not feeling well.”

Nishinoya’s smile was slow and full of gratitude. Asahi suddenly found it just a little harder to breathe. “That’d be awesome. Thanks, Asahi-san.”  
  
“No problem,” he smiled.  
  
Not much later, Nishinoya’s breathing evened out, and he fell asleep with his textbook spread over his lap. With a fond smile, Asahi moved their study materials to the table, careful not to wake him; he changed into his pajamas and turned his light out before climbing into bed, and made sure to give Nishinoya plenty of room.

For the first time in years, Nishinoya slept peacefully, untroubled by anxiety or nightmares.

* * *

Suga could hardly contain his excitement the next morning as he walked to school with Daichi.

“You look pretty happy today,” Daichi smiled as he rubbed his eyes and slipped his hand comfortably into the other boy’s. “Something good must’ve happened.”  
  
“Yep!” His happiness was infectious, and Daichi felt himself brightening despite how tired he was. “My mom talked to my dad, and they’re both in agreement about trying to get Nishinoya into their custody and adopting him. I showed Dad some pictures of him and stuff since he doesn’t know as much about him as Mom, and told them some stories about him from volleyball club... they think he’s amazing. Which he is, of course.” His smile became just a little bit rueful. “Actually, his age is one of the things that really convinced Dad before he even knew anything about him.”  
  
“His age? Why?”

“Well... Nishinoya is almost 17 now. It’s hard enough to find a family that wants to adopt a kid, let alone a good one. And the older you are, the less likely someone is to adopt you. High schoolers almost _never_ get taken in by foster parents.” Unconsciously, he squeezed Daichi’s hand a little as they walked. “Nishinoya doesn’t want to risk ending up somewhere worse. He might be really miserable in a shelter, and there’s almost no way he’d actually get adopted. So they want to help him out, especially since I know him.” His expression became more strained. “Especially since it’s... pretty bad. I mentioned the scarf to my mom last night...”  
  
Daichi sighed. “Not good, huh?”

“Yeah. She was pretty upset. But on the bright side, her and Dad _definitely_ want to adopt Nishinoya, and she’s good at her job. She’s working as fast as she can.”

Daichi squeezed his hand. “Good. Are you gonna tell Nishinoya today?”  
  
“Definitely.” His shoulder bumped into Daichi’s as they walked, and he looked up at the sky. “I think he could really use some good news right now.”

* * *

“Hey, Nishinoya!” Suga’s face was bright with elation as he jogged up to the boy. “You’re going to lunch, right? Would you mind talking with me for a bit? I have something important to tell you!”

“Huh? Yeah, sure! Where do you wanna go?” His voice was less raspy, but he still wore the scarf around his neck; Suga noted that it was loose, enough to cover the skin, but not tight enough to constrict it in any way.  
  
 _I wonder how much this has happened to him..._ “Let’s go up to the roof! How does that sound?”  
  
“Lead the way, Suga-san!”

“Sure!” They didn’t have far to go; a few minutes later, they were sitting beside each other on the ground, their backs against the wall of the stairwell. Nishinoya was eating with gusto; Asahi’s mom had packed him a huge lunch the night before.  
  
“Are you... feeling better?” Suga asked.  
  
“...Yeah,” Nishinoya replied after a moment. “My throat doesn’t hurt as much today. But the bruises haven’t really faded all that much. I’m probably gonna have to tell the team I got into a fight or something... can’t afford to miss practice, especially not with InterHigh coming up.”

Suga hummed in response. “Yeah, I can’t really think of any other excuse that would make sense, honestly... I’ll back you up on it, and tell Daichi too.” He sipped at his box of juice and handed Nishinoya a small bag. “Oh! First, this is for you. My dad told me to bring you this for dinner, since you don’t eat enough at home. And I have more good news. I talked to my parents, and they both really want to adopt you!”

Nishinoya’s eyes widened; the blinding smile that spread over his face warmed Suga’s heart. “ _Seriously?!_ Suga-san, that’s awesome!”  
  
“Yeah! My mom’s working as fast as she can. I’m not sure how long it’ll be before we can get you out yet... hopefully just a couple weeks at the most.”

“Damn, that fast?! That’s amazing! Thanks, Suga-san, seriously, thank you so much!”  
  
“Anything for you, Nishinoya. You’ve only got to deal with it for a little while longer. My mom will do her best to make sure of it.” _Just be strong for a little bit longer... just a little longer._ He made a mental note to ask Asahi if he knew whether or not Nishinoya needed lunch every day, and maybe some food to sneak home. “How are things with Asahi, by the way?”  
  
He smiled as Nishinoya immediately went a little pink in the face. _Wow._ “That good, huh?” he teased.  
  
Nishinoya blushed harder. “No... I mean... they’re good,” he stammered. “It’s not funny!”  
  
“It’s a _little_ funny,” Suga laughed. “Really, though, I’m glad. Asahi’s a good guy.”  
  
“We’re not... we’re not _together_ like that,” Nishinoya mumbled.  
  
Suga just smiled back at him. “No, but you want to be, right? I’m pretty positive Asahi does too.”  
  
Nishinoya sipped at his own juice box and looked away, embarrassed but still curious. “...Really?”  
  
“Yeah! It’s pretty obvious. There’s a betting pool on how long it takes before you two start dating. Tanaka started it!” he said with a laugh at Nishinoya’s surprised glare. “But really, don’t worry. Take it slow if you need to. It worked out pretty well for me and Daichi that way.”  
  
Nishinoya looked back at him, interested. “So, you and Daichi-san are really...?”  
  
“Haha, yeah. Since first year, actually. It’s not really a secret, we just don’t talk about it much. I think you and Asahi will work out great, too.” He grinned and ruffled Nishinoya’s hair a little, immediately apologetic. “Oh -- sorry, I wasn’t thinking.”  
  
“Oh... nah, it’s okay. I don’t mind.” He combed his fingers through his hair, working his spikes back to normal. “You don’t... have to be afraid to do stuff like that, or touch my shoulder or anything. I trust you, Suga-san.”

Suga’s smile was warm and bright; he understood the depth of what Nishinoya had told him, and it touched him so profoundly that his eyes stung with the slightest hint of tears. “Thanks, Nishinoya. That means a lot to me.”

* * *

“Suga? Daichi said you wanted to talk to me.”

Suga put away the volleyballs in his arms and turned to Asahi, who was holding a floor mop. It was their turn to clean up today; the sounds of everyone else heading to the locker room echoed out into the gym, louder than usual as they asked Nishinoya about the supposed scuffle he’d gotten into. The libero had woven out his masterful narrative about getting into a fight with a third year that tried to steal his lunch money; Suga felt a little bit bad about how easily he’d come up with such an elaborate lie and made it so easy to believe. _That’s not something that comes naturally... he’s learned it out of necessity._

“Yeah, about Nishinoya. I know he’s told you about what’s going on.”

“Oh... um... yeah. Is everything... okay? With the plans to get him out?”  
  
“Oh, yeah! Not about that, specifically. That’s all fine, at least as far as I know. I mean more about... the things he does. The way he acts. I want you to be able to... understand him, and understand why he might do some of the things he does.”

Asahi looked curious. “Oh... okay. You know from experience, right? And studying?”  
  
Suga gave him his signature smile. “Yep. It’s been a couple years since I started studying psychology. It’s helped me understand what I went through, and myself, a lot better... and it’s given me some pretty good insight into Nishinoya too. Or at least, I like to think so.”  
  
“All right,” he said seriously. “What should I know?”  
  
“Well... what you have to realize, more than anything, is that Nishinoya isn’t empty. A lot of people think that abused kids have just been missing things, and that leaves gaps that can be easily filled by things like love and safety and nourishment. And I mean... those things help, for sure. But just filling those gaps doesn’t suddenly make everything okay. That’s really important to understand.”  
  
Asahi nodded slowly, deep in thought. “Right... kind of like wounds, I guess? Like they can heal, but leave scars?”

“Yeah. The damage has been done. That’s not to say people like me and Nishinoya never get better. We can, and we do. But when you live in a dangerous environment, you learn to cope. You get these strategies and this knowledge on what you have to do to survive. And you carry that with you, even when it’s not dangerous anymore.”

He linked his hands together and held them in front of himself as he continued speaking. “We learn that we have to make decisions, and even things that might seem inconsequential to most people can be the difference between being fine for one night, or getting hit or screamed at. Everything is a risk that you have to assess. And when you’ve lived that life, when that’s become your worldview, trusting someone and letting down your armor for them is one of the most terrifying gambles you can make.”

Asahi was quiet as he thought. “I... I think I understand.”  
  
“Good. And... take it as a kind of reassurance, I guess, in a kind of messed up way. Because clearly, Nishinoya trusts you. He trusts you enough to tell you about what’s happened to him -- he told you before he even told me. You might be the first person he’s _ever_ told. That’s _huge_ , Asahi. So don’t sell yourself short, especially not with him. And... be patient and understanding. Okay?”

“I... yeah. Okay.”  
  
Suga clapped him on the shoulder and grinned. “Don’t worry yourself sick over it, though, all right?”  
  
“I won’t. Or... I’ll try not to,” he laughed sheepishly. “But... I won’t hurt Noya. I can promise you that, Suga. I... What happened in March won’t ever happen again. It won’t. I won’t ever...” He held his stomach; he felt a little ill from just the thought. “I couldn’t...”

“Hey, I know. It’s okay. Everything’s gonna be fine. We’re making sure of it.” He stood on his toes and ruffled Asahi’s hair. “Seriously. Come on, let’s clean up, okay?”  
  
“Okay.” He paused for a moment, and then smiled; it was shaky, but genuine. “Hey... thanks, Suga. For... for everything. For me and Noya both.”

Suga punched him in the arm playfully with a little laugh, and Asahi winced. “It’s no trouble at all! What are senpais for?”

* * *

Nishinoya dreaded going home that night, but knew he had to. Suddenly, something that he’d been doing for more than half his life felt almost impossible, now that he’d been promised an eventual end to it.

 _Soon. This’ll all be over soon,_ he told himself as he opened the door and stepped inside. His grandmother was sitting in a chair in front of her television; she glanced at him irritably, annoyed at the interruption of the show she was watching.  
  
“Close the fucking door,” she snarled after taking another drag on her cigarette. Nishinoya shut it behind him as quietly as he could, and made his way to his bedroom, careful to go behind the chair so as not to block her line of sight even for a moment. He made sure his footsteps made almost no sound at all as he walked; it paid off, because his grandmother was already watching her TV show again. She’d forgotten about Nishinoya’s presence entirely.

 _Fine by me._ He was careful of his creaky door; a moment later, he breathed a sigh of relief as it shut behind him. Carefully, he put his bag on his mattress and sat down, feeling just a little more at ease. _Hopefully they don’t bother me tonight._ He smiled -- at least he had some dinner. _Suga’s dad... I guess he’ll be my dad soon too, huh? Not that I mind._ His heart roiled with resentment. _Not like my own dad even cares enough to check up on me. He just left me in this hellhole and went on with his life._  
  
He made a halfhearted attempt to study for a couple hours, and eventually took a break to eat when he heard his grandfather’s voice coming from the living room. _Shit._ Quickly, he closed the plastic container of snacks and shoved it under his pillow, just in case one of them came into his room; he didn’t want to risk being accused of stealing or having it taken away.

The voices outside the room got louder. “No, fuck that! I’m sick of your shit!”  
  
Nishinoya took care to stay quiet and calm as he put his books and paper back into his bag; quickly, he changed into his too-large pajamas, turned out the light, and climbed into bed. His phone was clutched in his hands as the arguing escalated; the unmistakable sound of someone being hit rang through the house and made his skin crawl.

The dim light of the screen illuminated his face in a soft blue glow as he scrolled through his contacts and opened a new text to Asahi. His fingers flew over the keys. _> Asahi-san... sorry to bother you. I know it’s late. Can we talk? About anything. Anything at all._  
  
His hand hovered over _Send_ for a moment in hesitation.  _Am I being stupid? This is pathetic... but Asahi-san probably wouldn’t mind. Right? I mean, he already knows. But I’d just be bothering him._   
  
“I’m gonna slit your fucking throat if you do that again!”  
  
A tremor of primal fear rolled through his body, and he sent the text immediately without further hesitation. He grasped his phone, desperate to drown out the screaming; a moment later, the screen lit up with a reply.  
  
 _> Of course. Are you okay? What’s wrong? We can talk as long as you want. I don’t mind at all!_

He typed out a response as adrenaline surged through him; he heard his grandfather yell out in pain as his grandmother hit him. Nishinoya wasn’t sure if it was with her fists or something else.  
  
 _> I’m fine. Just talk to me. Tell me about your day. Let’s make plans for tomorrow. Anything._  
  
“I’m gonna call the cops if you take another fucking step!”  
  
“Oh yeah? You’re such a fucking pussy--”  
  
“I’m bleeding, you crazy bitch!”  
  
Terror made Nishinoya’s hands shake as he sent another text. _> Please_

_> Yeah. Okay. So I started reading this book for creative writing. It’s originally from England, but it’s been translated into a lot of languages. It’s the first in a series called Harry Potter. Have you heard of it? It’s so cool!_

_> I think so. It’s about wizards, right?_   
  
_> Yeah! It’s actually really good! I think you’d like it, honestly. The main character is this boy named Harry. I guess that’s kind of obvious, though. Anyway. He doesn’t realize that he’s a wizard, right? But there’s this secret school in Britain..._

Asahi sent him text after text, telling him all about the book. Nishinoya’s focus was razor-sharp as he read and re-read the texts as he waited for more messages from the other boy; the sound of his grandparents fighting hardly seemed to reach him that way, and once they stopped, he didn’t even notice, as focused as he was on what Asahi was saying to him about this character with a terrible family who becomes something incredible.   
  
Hours later, the adrenaline had worn off completely, and after a warning to Asahi that he was about to pass out, he finally fell asleep, phone clutched firmly in his hands.

Several miles away, with a worried frown on his face, Asahi did the same.

* * *

_to be continued in part v_

 


	5. part v

On Friday morning, Nishinoya didn’t show up to practice -- a first for the dedicated libero that didn’t go unnoticed.  
  
“Maybe Noya-san is sick again?” Tanaka suggested. He was thoughtful for a moment before his visage darkened with anger and a promise of violence. “Or maybe those guys came back for round two! I’ll kick their asses!”  
  
“Don’t worry about it,” Suga said with an ease he didn’t remotely feel as he flipped his phone open. “He’s probably fine. I texted him, and so did Asahi. Things happen sometimes.”  
  
Daichi and Asahi both glanced at him, worry clear on their faces. It sounded like Suga wasn’t just trying to convince Tanaka, but himself as well.

* * *

“I’m gonna be late for school,” Nishinoya protested weakly. “I didn’t take anything, I promise--”

“Oh yeah? Tell me why I should believe you,” his grandfather hissed. Even this early in the morning, he reeked of stale alcohol as he towered over the boy; he was about the same height as Tsukishima. The floorboards beneath Nishinoya’s feet creaked as he took another step backwards. “I know you took that cash outta my pocket while I was passed out, you little fuck. Give it back.”  
  
 _He probably bought some beer and forgot about it, damn it._ “I really didn’t, I swear. I can give you some of mine, though--”  
  
“You know, I don’t think that’s good enough. Maybe you need to be taught another lesson, too, huh?”

“Please... sir. I’m gonna be late--”  
  
“You’re already late! Who gives a shit? You and I have _business_ to discuss.”  
  
Once again, Nishinoya felt himself absolutely paralyzed by an all-too-familiar fear as his grandfather’s fist came towards him; all his reflexes and athleticism were useless now. Pain blossomed over his face as the older man’s hand smashed against his eye, so hard that he was dazed from the force of the blow. His body slumped against the door at his back; he didn’t fight back as his grandfather forcefully rummaged through his pockets, and took every last cent he’d been carrying.  
  
Finally, he stepped back. “Get outta my sight before I _really_ get pissed,” he said with a sneer. Nishinoya didn’t have to be told twice.

 _At least the walk gives me some time to get my shit together,_ he thought angrily as he used his sleeve to scrub the tears from his eyes.

* * *

“Nishinoya texted me earlier,” Suga said quietly as Daichi sat beside him on the roof, both their lunches in his hands. “Right before our first classes started.” He tried to sound calm, but Daichi had known him for too long to be fooled.

“What happened?”

Suga was silent as he pulled out his phone and turned it so Daichi could read the messages.   
  
_> Sorry, Suga-san. I just left home. I’m okay, though. Figured you might be worried_  
 _> I’ll be at afternoon practice. But I got hurt again. Can you and Daichi-san cover for me?_  
 _> Just say I fought the guys from earlier in the week, I guess. Sorry for the trouble!_

The captain felt himself tense on reflex as bitter, familiar anger settled over him, mixed with concern for his teammate and his boyfriend. “Damn it... hey. Are you okay?”  
  
Suga laughed, but there was no humor in it. “It’s not really me that you should be worried about, Daichi.”

Wordlessly, he set their food down on the ground before loosely wrapping both of his arms around Suga’s shoulders, heedless of the late summer heat. “You’re pushing yourself pretty hard,” he said quietly. “None of this is easy. Obviously, I’m worried about Nishinoya, but that doesn’t mean I can’t be worried about you too.”  
  
A sigh escaped the setter’s lips as he leaned into the touch; his eyes slipped closed and he focused on his breathing, trying to make it slow and steady. “I’m sorry. I guess I’m just... really stressed out. I’m so worried about him, Daichi... I know we’re getting him out soon, but the more progress my parents make, the more impatient I get.”

“I know.” Daichi pressed a soft kiss against the top of his head; at that moment, Suga’s phone vibrated with the sound of several incoming texts.  
  
 ** _From: Mom_**  
 _> We can do it tomorrow. Please ask Nishinoya-kun to come to volleyball practice and stay behind today._  
 _> We want to meet him, even if it’s just briefly, so that he might feel less nervous when it happens._  
 _> Dad and I are on our way to the Foothill Store and then the school to talk to your coach and the club’s faculty adviser._

The smile that spread across Suga’s face warmed Daichi’s heart; the setter typed out a reply, all his stress momentarily forgotten.  
  
 _> Okay. I’ll let him know right away._  
  
 _> Thank you, Koushi. Let me know when he replies, okay? We’re going to go get lunch and wait until after club to come back to the school._  
 _> We don’t want the other club members to see us and get suspicious. If Nishinoya-kun wants them to know what’s happening, it should be on his own terms._

“This is great!” he said with a smile as he opened a new text to Nishinoya. “I can’t believe it... _tomorrow_. She must’ve been working day and night on this.” Daichi smiled as Suga’s fingers flew across the buttons on his phone.  
  
 _> Hey, my mom just texted me. She’s with Dad, and they’re going to talk to Takeda-sensei and Ukai-san, and then they’re coming back after practice is over later._  
 _> We can probably get you out tomorrow! So they want to meet you and talk about it, I think. Can you stay late today?_

Nishinoya responded so quickly that Suga figured he must've had his phone open when he received the messages.  
  
 _> Yes!! I’ll stay late! Thank you, Suga-san!_

“See? Everything’s gonna work out fine,” Daichi said reassuringly. “Now, eat your food. You’re probably gonna need all the energy you can get for the next couple days.”

“Yeah. Thanks, Daichi.” Suga gave him a quick, chaste kiss on the lips; Daichi flushed a little, but smiled as he took a sip of tea.   
  
_Just one more night... I hope he isn’t hurt too badly._

* * *

“Heeeey, Noya...san?” Tanaka’s usual boisterous greeting died off into confusion as he caught sight of the libero walking out of the locker room at the start of afternoon practice. “Noya-san, what the _hell?_   What _happened?_ ”

Nishinoya’s right eye was dark and swollen; the bruise was almost as large as one of his hands. Asahi caught sight of him and felt his stomach churn; the marks on his neck hadn’t finished fading, and combined with the small bruises littering his arms, he was a sorry sight indeed. “Hey, one of those guys from earlier in the week came back for more! You think I look bad, you should see what _he_ looks like,” the libero laughed. “Don’t worry about it, Ryuu! I’m good to go!”

The second year spiker was shaking with anger he didn’t even bother trying to conceal. “...If you say so. Tell me if anyone bothers you again, Noya-san. I swear I’ll rip their head off!”

But the libero just slapped him on the back, grinning like he didn’t have a care in the world. “All right! I don’t think it’ll be necessary, but I appreciate it! Now come on, let’s practice some receives!!”

“Asahi.” Suga walked up and tapped him on the shoulder; the third year had watched the entire exchange between Nishinoya and Tanaka, and was still staring after the libero with an incredibly worried look on his face.  
  
“Oh! Suga. What’s up?”

“The stuff we talked about before... It’s happening. Tomorrow.”  
  
His eyes widened. “With Nishinoya?”  
  
“Yeah. Do you have time to stay after practice?”  
  
“Sure,” he agreed immediately. “Um...?”  
  
“He might want you there. For support,” Suga clarified. “Among other things. You’ll see.”

* * *

Suga, Asahi, Nishinoya and Daichi all hung behind as the others left; before too long, it was just them with Ukai and Takeda.

“Suga-kun’s parents are on their way over,” Ukai said a little awkwardly. “They kinda gave us the basic rundown of what’s going on.”  
  
Asahi rested his hand in between Nishinoya’s shoulders as the libero looked up at the coach and the teacher. He could feel the faintest of tremors beneath his palm, but it wasn’t visible to anyone looking at him. “In that case, sorry for lying to you the other day. I wasn’t sick.”  
  
“Yeah, we figured as much after this morning. You got nothing to apologize for.”

“What Ukai-kun said. You don’t have anything to worry about, okay?” Takeda’s smile was kind and understanding; Nishinoya relaxed a little at the expression.  
  
A moment later, the door to the gym opened; Suga’s mother and a slightly shorter man with pale, wispy hair covering his eyes followed behind her. Asahi’s thumb stroked soothing, aimless circles over Nishinoya’s back as they walked over and bowed politely.

“Hello. I’m Sugawara Hotaru, and this is my husband, Sugawara Kazuya. We’re Koushi’s parents. It’s nice to meet all of you -- especially you, Nishinoya-kun.” She held out her hand; a heartbeat later, Nishinoya tentatively shook it.

“We wanted to meet you before everything happens tomorrow, and to make sure you’re okay with what’s going on,” Kazuya said. He was incredibly soft spoken and unintimidating; Nishinoya couldn’t help but like him almost immediately. _This guy doesn’t look like he’d hurt a fly. He looks like a total geek. Not that it’s a bad thing._  
  
“And we have a specific idea on what to do. It’s just a suggestion, though... ultimately, we’ll do what you wanna do,” Suga smiled. “When I left, I pretended like I was cleaning my room. I put everything that I wanted to take with me into garbage bags, and put them outside in a place where they wouldn’t be collected or damaged. Then after school the next day, Mom came around with her car, and we snuck the bags in and then drove off. Would that work for you?”

Nishinoya was silent for a moment as he thought about it. “Yeah, that’s okay. No problem. I don’t have much anyway.” He shifted his weight a little, leaning slightly closer to Asahi without realizing it. “I’m fine with all of that. If Suga-san trusts you, then I will too.”

Hotaru smiled back at him. “Okay, Nishinoya-kun. Tomorrow, I’ll pick you and Koushi up after school, and we’ll pick up the bags and go from there. How does that sound?”

“Awesome. Um... thank you. For... uh... everything. I guess.”  
  
Her eyes were warm and affectionate, but she was careful not to touch him. “It’s no trouble at all. We’re going to go back and get your room ready tonight. I’ll see you tomorrow, okay? Please be safe.”

Nishinoya nodded; Daichi and Suga turned to leave as well, but Suga stopped for a moment and waved at the libero. “It’s gonna be okay. You should spend some time with Asahi tonight. Mom said he can come over tomorrow, too, if you want.”

Nishinoya watched them go, Asahi’s hand still firmly but gently resting on his back. “Just a little longer, right?” Asahi asked softly.  
  
“Yeah.” He tugged at the wing spiker’s free hand; the third year had little choice but to follow him. “Come on, Asahi-san, we’re gonna be late for dinner!”

“See you later!” Takeda waved as they left the gym. Ukai looked after them, lost in thought and obviously concerned.  
  
“Are you okay, Ukai-kun?” the teacher asked him quietly. The coach smiled down at him, but it seemed strained, his eyes pinched with emotions Takeda couldn’t put a name to.  
  
“Yeah, don’t worry about me, sensei. Just don’t like seeing my kids hurt. Hope I never meet Nishinoya’s grandparents. I’ll probably end up in jail if I do.” He sighed and dug around in his pocket for a cigarette. “Looks like Sugawara’s even more incredible than I gave him credit for. Resourceful as hell. Not to mention our libero... that kid has nerves of steel.”

“You sound proud,” Takeda said with a smile. “‘My kids’, huh?”  
  
Ukai flushed a little and turned away with a grumble. “Shut it, sensei.”

* * *

“I wonder if we should tell your mom,” Nishinoya wondered out loud. He was spread-eagled across Asahi’s bed, one arm thrown haphazardly over the taller boy’s chest. His mother hadn’t been home when they arrived, but sent Asahi a text saying she’d be home in time to make a quick dinner. “She’d probably figure it out eventually, huh?”

“She _is_ friends with Suga’s mom, but... well, it’s up to you,” Asahi said softly. “You don’t have to do anything you don’t want to.”

Nishinoya rolled over, and propped himself up on his elbows; he swung his feet through the air behind him. “Yeah... but she’ll definitely notice I’ve got a black eye and marks on my throat when she gets back. And I don’t wanna lie to your mom, even if I’m gonna be living somewhere else tomorrow...” He laughed softly, but it sounded tired and just a little sad. “Crazy, huh? I never told anyone, all this time, and now suddenly it’s like everyone knows. But damn, it’s weird to think that I’m gonna be Suga-san’s little brother. Not that I mind, though. It’s pretty cool!”

“Yeah. I’m...” Asahi paused, like he was thinking of his next words carefully. “Nishinoya... I’m glad you won’t have to stay there anymore, after tonight.”  
  
“Me too,” he agreed seriously. “Hey... they said you could come over tomorrow, too. Do you want to?”  
  
“Yeah, of course,” Asahi said with a smile. He reached over to brush a loose strand of hair out of Nishinoya’s eyes, like he had earlier in the week; the libero smiled and leaned into the touch, trying his best to ignore the quickened pace of his heart.  
  
“You’re really something else, Asahi-san,” he said quietly.  
  
Asahi’s smile was gorgeous, _too damn gorgeous,_ and made his insides twist, flustered with want. “I could say the same to you, Noya,” he said with genuine affection.

Nishinoya smiled and lifted himself up; a moment later, his arms were wrapped tightly around Asahi, and his face was resting against the older boy’s chest. Asahi’s cheeks were faintly pink, but he returned the embrace and held Nishinoya close. They stayed there like that, quiet but at ease, until they heard the sound of his mother’s voice announcing her arrival several minutes later.  
  
Asahi left the room first; Nishinoya stayed close behind him, almost as if he were hiding behind his size. He didn’t have his scarf, so as soon as she saw him, he’d have a fair amount of explaining to do.

“Asahi, dear! Is Nishinoya-kun still upstairs? I made some dinner earlier and I’ll start heating it up, so it should be ready in a few minutes; do you know if he’s still feeling sick?”  
  
“Um, actually... he wanted to talk to you about that.” Before she could say anything, the second year poked his head out from behind Asahi and waved with a cheer that wasn’t entirely genuine.  
  
“Hi, Azumane-san!”

She gasped audibly, and almost dropped the stack of papers she was holding. “...N...Nishinoya-kun, what happened to you? Did... did someone at school do that?” She placed the manuscript on the small table next to her, but her eyes never left the boy in front of her.  
  
“No. That’s what I wanted to tell you... I think you’d probably find out anyway. Since you’re friends with Suga-san’s mom too.”

“Hotaru?” she asked curiously. “Oh, no... does that mean...”

“Sorry for lying to you about being sick,” he said as he gestured to his throat. Asahi placed his hand on Nishinoya’s back like he had before, a steadying and calming force as he continued speaking. “It’s okay, though! I’m moving in with Suga-san tomorrow! Isn’t that awesome?!”

Azumane-san’s expression was conflicted, a mixture of relief and horror. “Nishinoya-kun... I’m so sorry. I can’t believe I never realized...”

“It’s okay,” he replied, a little uncomfortable. “I didn’t even tell anyone at all until recently.”  
  
“Still... here, darling, one moment.” She walked over to the couch and picked up something, then brought it over to him. “First, take this. I made it for you to replace your other one, since it’ll start getting cold in a few months.”

He reached out and touched it, a look of disbelief on his face; it was a huge, soft scarf, black in the center and lined with orange and white. _Karasuno’s colors._ “You... you _made_ this? For _me,_ Azumane-san?”  
  
“I sure did! I started knitting while I watch television at night a long time ago, when Asahi was born. I find it soothing,” she smiled. “Do you like it?”  
  
“Yeah... yeah, I do. Thank you so much.” He took it in his hands and bowed deeply. “Thank you.”  
  
“No need to be so formal!” she laughed. “Here, let’s see how it looks, what do you think?”  
  
“Okay,” he replied softly. Asahi’s hand stayed firm on his back, and the older boy smiled down at him as Nishinoya carefully wrapped the scarf around his neck.

“Oh, perfect! You look great! Now you have a nice new scarf when winter comes around.” Nishinoya looked surprised as she wiped at her eyes. “Sorry -- forgive me, Nishinoya-kun. I just want you to know... you’re very important to me, okay? You’re welcome here any time. I’m glad that Hotaru is taking you in. She’s a very good woman; the Sugawara family is very kind. They’ll treat you well.”

His returning smile was genuine, if subdued. “Yeah. Thanks for being so kind to me, Azumane-san.”  
  
“Oh, don’t think anything of it!” she smiled. “Why don’t you boys go back upstairs for a bit and relax? I’ll call you down in about fifteen minutes when dinner is done, okay? Oh, Asahi, come here for a moment first. You go on ahead, Nishinoya-kun, he’ll be there in a second.”

“You got it, Azumane-san!” Nishinoya gave her a thumbs up and bounded up the stairs, a huge smile on his face as he rubbed at the soft scarf around his neck. Asahi watched him go with a fond look.  
  
“Asahi, dear,” his mother smiled. “Take good care of him, okay?”

He blushed and looked at the floor bashfully. “I... I am. I’m trying.”  
  
“Hotaru’s been doing this work for a long time... I can’t imagine how she deals with it. I’m just glad that she can help him. Thinking of someone hurting such a sweet child is...” She took a shuddering breath and wiped at her eyes again. “I can barely look at him with those marks. He must’ve been through so much. But you must mean a lot to him, dear. He comes over so often... I can only imagine.”

“I...” _‘Maybe’,_ he was about to say, but then he remembered what Suga had told him before about not selling himself short, and Nishinoya’s confession that Asahi was the first person to ever know what he’d been through. “Yeah,” he said instead. “I’m trying. He means a lot to me, too.”  
  
“Oh, honey, you don’t have to tell me that. I already know you love that boy more than anything in the world.”

Asahi’s face immediately went red, so hot that he could feel the blush reach the tips of his ears and spill down his neck. _“Mom,”_   he wailed quietly. “I’m--”  
  
“Asahi, dear, you’re gay as a rainbow, I’ve known that for years. I see the way you stare at him, who are you trying to kid?! Oh, don’t look at me like that, it’s not like I’ve gone and told anyone, and of course it doesn’t bother me one bit.” She held her arms open and smiled, warm and loving. “Come here and give me a hug, and then take this garigari-kun up to him, okay?”

Careful as ever, he wrapped his arms around her and she squeezed him tightly. “You’re such an amazing young man, Asahi. I’m so proud of you. Don’t ever forget that.”  
  
Asahi blinked away the tears that prickled at the corners of his eyes and smiled. “Thanks, mom.”

* * *

“Asahi-san, your mom is incredible.”

Nishinoya smiled as he slowly ate the garigari-kun; he was sitting on the edge of the bed, leaning against Asahi. The older boy remembered what his mother said and felt warm all over again. Not that his feelings for Nishinoya were _news_ to him; he just didn’t think anyone had actually _noticed,_ much less his mother.

“Yeah. She is. She... she really likes you,” he smiled.

“Not that I can blame her! Right?” the libero asked with a grin.

“Yeah,” Asahi agreed fondly. “I don’t blame her at all.”  
  
Nishinoya’s grin grew just a little smaller as his cheeks grew warm with surprise and embarrassment. “I didn’t expect you to agree so seriously,” he said as he looked at the floor, unexpectedly shy. “Especially after... all of this stuff.”

Asahi took a deep breath and leaned closer, careful and slow as he put an arm around Nishinoya’s small shoulders. “I was serious when I said before that I don’t think less of you, Noya. You’re so strong. Stronger than anyone even realizes, and we all think of you as our own guardian deity.”

“I don’t _feel_ very strong,” he whispered. “I’m... I’m a coward, Asahi-san. You just haven’t been there to see it.”  
  
Asahi held him closer. “How can you possibly think you’re a _coward_ , of all things? I don’t believe that for a second.”  
  
“I don’t... I don’t stand up to them, Asahi-san. I can do it with anyone else, but when it comes to them, I just can’t. I think about it so much, you know? If I did, if I really did, there’s even a good chance that they might really lose it and kill me.” Asahi shuddered; he didn’t even want to think about the possibility. “I used to think... sometimes I still do really, that even if they did, at least I’d die with some dignity. I... all my pride... all that big talk at practice and at games... it’s all gone when it’s me against them.”  
  
“No.” Asahi’s voice was firm, but quiet and kind. “That doesn’t make you a coward, Noya. Not being able to stand up to people who should protect you doesn’t mean you’re a coward. Trying to... to survive doesn’t make you a coward at all. You’re... you’re so strong.”

His voice sounded choked up for a moment; he rested his forehead against Nishinoya’s hair and closed his eyes. “Noya, you’re _so strong_ , I can hardly believe it. You’ve survived something terrible, all this time... you’re not a coward at all.”

Instead of replying with words, Nishinoya turned to face Asahi, wrapped his arms around his waist and buried his face in his shirt. Warmth spread all over the older boy’s body as he took in a deep breath to calm his racing heart, certain that Nishinoya could hear it beating a rapid rhythm inside of his chest.  
  
But if he did, he didn’t say anything. Asahi closed his eyes and held him there, running his hand slowly over his back in what was quickly becoming a habit. The minutes passed all too quickly as they held each other, quiet and with an ease born of intimacy and understanding.  
  
Later, when Nishinoya had to leave and they’d walked outside of the Azumane house, Asahi insisted on going back home with him to drop him off. “The trains run late enough,” he said quietly. “So I don’t mind at all.”  
  
Nishinoya looked up at him for a moment, a little thoughtful, and then smiled. “Thanks, Asahi-san. For everything.”  
  
“It’s no trouble.” As they walked, Asahi’s palm brushed against Nishinoya’s knuckles on accident; wordlessly, the second year took hold of his hand and twined their fingers together.  
  
Asahi blushed crimson, but said nothing. They held hands the entire way, even during the train ride; Asahi smiled as he thought that Nishinoya’s tiny one fit perfectly inside of his own. It was comfortable and intimate, and distantly, the wing spiker wondered why they hadn’t done this long ago.

And then, all too quickly, they found themselves in front of the libero’s run down house.

Letting him go at that moment was one of the hardest things Asahi had ever done.

* * *

“Do you think he’ll like it?” Suga asked quietly as he surveyed the room.

Daichi wrapped his arms around Suga’s waist from behind, and leaned into the smaller boy’s back. “I don’t really think you have to worry about that, honestly. Nishinoya doesn’t strike me as particularly high maintenance anyway.”

“Yeah, you’re right... I guess I’m just being a little weird,” Suga laughed.  
  
“Nah, I get it. Still, try being a little nicer to yourself. C’mon, let’s go back to your room.”  
  
“You just want to cuddle with me,” Suga smiled, a bit sly.  
  
Daichi’s cheeks went a bit pink as he looked away and took one of Suga’s hands in his own as he turned to leave. “Like you don’t,” he griped. The setter laughed and shut the door behind him; a few moments later, they were back in Suga’s room, lounging on his bed.  
  
“I hope he’s doing okay,” Suga whispered. Idly, he ran his hands over the beginnings of stubble appearing on Daichi’s chin, who sighed into the touch.  
  
“Yeah... me too. It’s just one more night, at least.”

“Asahi seems to be doing pretty well, don’t you think?”  
  
“You mean about this whole thing? Yeah. He’s gotten a lot stronger,” Daichi admitted. “Don’t tell him I said that, though.”  
  
“You’re so tsundere, Daichi,” Suga teased.  
  
“Wh-- _tsundere_... I am _not_ \--”  
  
Suga’s laughter made him smile despite his protests; with a smirk, he ran his fingers up Suga’s sides, and the setter began to laugh even harder, tears forming in his eyes. “No -- stop -- that’s not f-fair--!”  
  
“But you’re so cute when I tickle you,” Daichi smiled. “Okay, okay. I’ll grant you mercy this time.”  
  
“You’re so benevolent,” Suga giggled. “I guess I should reward your kindness with a kiss.”  
  
Daichi felt warm all over as his lips softly met Suga’s; he’d at least managed to make Suga a little less worried, and his heart felt just a little lighter.

* * *

“What’re you doing?”

Nishinoya looked back at his grandmother, but there was no hint of nervousness in him. “Just getting some trash bags to clean my room.” The lie came easily; they almost always did.  
  
“About fucking time,” she grumbled. “Go on, then. You’re still not allowed to have anything from the fridge until next week, though. Better not let me catch you taking anything.”  
  
“Yes ma’am,” he said quietly, bowing his head to her. Without another word, he walked into the kitchen and almost immediately cringed at the stench that hit his nose. A quick glance to the sink confirmed what he’d already guessed: the dishes still hadn’t been done any time in the last few months. A week-old pot of noodles sat on the side; he looked away when he glimpsed maggots squirming under the rim.  
  
 _Gross, so gross. Damn. Just one more night of this... just one more night._ He grabbed a big garbage bag and made his way back to his room; once the door shut behind him, he took a deep breath. _All right, here we go._  
  
It didn’t take long; he hadn’t been kidding when he said he really didn’t have all that much. School uniforms, a few videogames he’d managed to get over the years, and an old CD player that had seen better days all went into the bag, along with his broken libero award.  
  
He was still outwardly calm as he tied the top of the bag and took it outside; nobody was around to see him shove it under one of the overgrown bushes out front. _They probably won’t check there between now and then. No sweat at all._ His movements were almost robotic as he went back inside and changed into his pajamas before taking out a melon bread that Asahi’s mother had given him earlier in the evening.  
  
 _Hope I’m not fooling myself and just being a burden on everyone,_ he thought as he chewed slowly. _But they wouldn’t be doing this unless they really wanted to. Right? They wouldn’t be going out of their way like this... and it’s not like I even asked. They’re the ones who asked me. So... so it should be fine. It’s fine._  
  
 _I’m gonna be fine._

He finished the bread, turned the light off, and curled up against the wall with his phone in his hands; just as he got comfortable, it buzzed with an incoming text.  
  
 ** _From: Asahi-san_**  
 _> I’ll be there with you tomorrow, Noya. Everything’s going to get better. We’ll all make sure of it!_  
 _> And I’ll be right there with you the whole way. I promise._  
  
The sting of sudden tears made him wipe at his eyes. _I’m so lucky. I don’t care what anyone says, I’m so damn lucky that I know people like Suga-san and Asahi-san. I... I love him so much I can hardly stand it._  
  
He read the message once, then twice, then three times, committing it to memory, and smiled as he typed out a response.  
  
 _> Thanks, Asahi-san. It means a lot to me._  
  
Asahi’s response was almost immediate.  
  
 _> It’s no trouble at all. You mean the world to me, Noya._  
  
It wasn’t long before he fell asleep, with a soft smile still on his face.

* * *

_to be continued in part vi_

 


	6. part vi

Nervous energy made Nishinoya restless the next morning as he quietly got ready for school.

His fingers tapped against the strap of his bag as he looked around at everything; his bed, the walls with faded and peeling wallpaper, the dusty lamp, the dirty window. _This is it. The last time I’ll ever look at this room again._

He took a deep breath, walked out, and carefully closed the door behind him. _Done! Now for the next part._ The house was quiet as he made his way to the front door; both of his grandparents were still asleep. Beneath his weight, the floorboards creaked as he reached for the doorknob.  
  
 _All right. This is the last time I’ll ever have to walk out of this door, and this pathetic excuse for a house. No more. Never again._  
  
A genuine smile spread across his face as he stepped out onto the porch and looked up into the sky, still mostly dark. Despite the fact that he’d stood here like this almost every day for the last nine years, it was the first time he really felt free.  
  
 _Good riddance._

* * *

When Tanaka asked why he was practicing even harder than usual that morning, Nishinoya graced his friend with a signature smile and a thumbs up.

“I have to miss afternoon practice to go do stuff later! So I’ve gotta make up for it in advance!”  
  
Tanaka frowned. “Did you get in trouble for fighting those bastards that tried to take you on?”  
  
“Sharp as ever, Ryuu! Don’t worry about it. Check out the new and improved Rolling Thunder!”  
  
Tanaka’s sour expression transformed into a smile bursting with laughter almost immediately. “Isn’t that just a normal receive, Noya-san?”  
  
“Hey, nothing about my receives are  _normal!_  They’re _glorious!"_  
  
“Teach me how to do that, Nishinoya-senpai!” Hinata cheered from several feet away.

From a distance, the third years watched with identical smiles on their faces.

* * *

“Hey, Nishinoya!” 

Suga was waiting for him outside of his final class for the day, looking bright and energetic. “Hey, Suga-san.” The libero smiled, but it was shaky with nervousness.   
  
“Are you ready?” he asked kindly. The second year nodded and followed as Suga began walking. “My mom -- well, I guess _our_ mom, now -- is parked just around the corner, so we can leave right away.” He looked over and offered the younger boy a small smile. “When we get there, do you want to grab the bags? Or would you like me to do it?”  
  
“No way,” Nishinoya replied immediately. “I’m not letting you take that risk, Suga-san. Not that I think there’s gonna be much of one, anyway... my grandmother’s probably still asleep, and I think my grandfather’s still at work. And there’s only one bag. But still.”

Suga ruffled his hair fondly. “Okay. We’ll be right there if anything goes wrong, so don’t worry too much if you can help it.”

He nodded in response; his palms felt clammy as they finished making their way out of the school. Suga led him around the corner of the sidewalk; Hotaru was waiting in a plain black car.  
  
“She looks like an undercover cop,” Nishinoya said with a laugh as he waved at her. Suga chuckled as he climbed into the passenger seat; the libero climbed into the back and buckled his seatbelt, trying to hide how awkward he felt.

“Hey there. How was school?” Hotaru asked with a smile as she pulled away. A GPS on her dashboard blinked to life as the car began to move, and displayed a map with directions to Nishinoya’s house.

“It was good. Less homework than usual,” Suga said. “Oh wow, you live really close, Nishinoya. I never realized.” The GPS displayed an estimated time of arrival: four minutes. Nishinoya could feel his heart starting to beat just a little faster.

Hotaru caught sight of his expression in the rearview mirror. “It’ll be okay,” she said with a quiet smile. “We’ll be in and out really quickly. And then you don’t have to go back ever again if you don’t want to.”

“...What if they come for me, though?” he asked. He winced at how his voice trembled a bit on the words.  
  
“That won’t be an issue,” she said with a smile. Her eyes were on the road as she continued talking. “I’ve got a restraining order on them. If they come anywhere near you, or any of us, they’re going to be in huge trouble. They don’t know that yet, but I’m going to tell them over the phone later tonight. And just in case, we have a really good security system on the house. So you don’t have to worry about them breaking in, either.”

“Oh.” _She really has thought of everything! Why’d she do all this for a kid she doesn’t even really know?_

“Your biological father was pretty cooperative, thankfully. So that made it a lot easier and sped the process up as a result,” she said as she turned onto a side street. “Your mother was a little less receptive, but she didn’t fight us or anything.”  
  
“You talked to my parents?” he asked with obvious surprise.  
  
“Yep! I hunted down their whereabouts the night Koushi told me about your situation. From there it was a matter of getting into contact with them and having them agree to help me out.” She shrugged. “Neither of them planned on you moving back in with them, so it wasn’t hard to convince them to let us adopt you, especially when I told them how badly you’ve been treated.”

“Huh.” He stared out of the window at passing scenery, deep in thought. He felt like a mess on the inside, and it was making his head hurt.  
  
“Take all the time you need to process everything,” Hotaru said kindly. “We’ll understand. Oh, is that it up there? The one with the big eucalyptus trees?”

“Yeah.” His palms were hot with sweat as she slowed down and stopped a couple houses away.  
  
“Okay. Nishinoya-kun, do you want us to--?”  
  
“No, it’s okay. I’ve got this.” He unbuckled his seatbelt and got out of the car; his heart pounded in his ears, so loud that it was nearly deafening as he crept up towards the bushes at the side of the house. His throat constricted with fear, more and more with each step.

 _Even if they see me, it doesn’t matter. The car is right there. We can just drive away. They can’t hurt me anymore. I can get away. It’s fine._ The neighborhood was quiet; he felt the anxious eyes of his new family watching him from the car, when suddenly a loud noise from the bushes froze him in place. The leaves rustled, and --

\--a small, dark form darted out and away. _Just a stray cat... holy shit. That almost gave me heart failure._ He took another deep breath, squared his shoulders, and kept walking. He made it to the bush undetected, and pulled the branches up; sure enough, the bag of his belongings was still there. Quickly, he grabbed it and slung it over his shoulder --   
  
And at that moment, he heard the sound of the front door opening.

 _Fuck -- no, no, no --_ There was no way he could get back to the car from his current position without being noticed; even if the noise he made didn’t draw attention, whoever it was would still have an almost clear line of sight to him once he moved away from the house.  
  
“Hey! Who’s there?”  
  
His grandfather’s speech was slurred and rough. _He must’ve skipped out early on work. Damn, of all the days... It’s fine. No need to panic. Suga-san and his mom are right there. It’s fine, it’s fine..._  
  
“Just me,” Nishinoya called out. “I’m picking up some of the stuff I cleaned out of my room yesterday to donate to a thrift store, and then I’ll be back later tonight after I study.”   
  
The sound of shoes against concrete reached his ears as his grandfather came down the steps of the front porch, and walked around to the side; he stared down at the teenager suspiciously. The smell of sake, both stale and fresh, rolled off of him in waves. _He’s **really** wasted right now... that’s bad._ “Thrift store, huh? What the hell for?”  
  
“Figured it’d be better than throwing stuff out, if someone else might want it eventually.” He was fully prepared to drop the bag and make a run for it if necessary, but he also didn’t want to freak out Hotaru and Suga by getting chased by a guy that topped off at 190 centimeters. _Come on, come on--_

“...Fine.” He pointed at Nishinoya and leaned in; the tip of his dirty finger jabbed painfully into the boy’s chest. “But let me tell you one thing right now. You _better_ not spend all night fuckin’ around. You’re gonna move the cinder blocks in the backyard up to the porch. If you’re not back in three hours, you’re gonna regret it. _Do you understand?”_

The sound of a car door closing reached Nishinoya’s ears. _Oh god, no, don’t come over here, don’t--_

But his grandfather’s attention had already been diverted towards the source of the noise. Nishinoya followed his eyes to see Suga striding towards them with a wide smile.  
  
“Hi!” he called cheerfully. “I’m one of Nishinoya-kun’s teammates. Do you need help with the bag, Noya-kun?”

 _Play along, play along, maybe he’ll buy it--_ “Yeah, that’d be great--”  
  
“This that kid whose house you’re always going to?” his grandfather sneered. “How about it, boy?” he hissed at Suga. “You the faggot dragging him down to hell alongside you?” He took a step towards the setter; Suga’s nose wrinkled in disgust as the stench of alcohol and cigarettes washed over him.  
  
 _No, no, **no** \--_ “No, sir, he’s not--”  
  
“You know something? I think you’re _lying_ to me,” he said to Nishinoya without taking his eyes off of Suga. He took another step closer. “You look like a hell of a fairy to me, son. How about it? Are you fuckin’ my grandkid?”

Suga’s eyes were cold, and he stood his ground despite the fact that the older man was only a few inches from his face. “Nishinoya-kun, let’s go.”

Nishinoya shook his head to clear his thoughts, and then bounded over to Suga’s side. “Okay.” He grabbed his hand and pulled him towards the car. “Sorry,” he said, still desperately trying to play along on instinct, “He’s just had a little too much to drink--”  
  
A large hand wrapped around his tiny wrist and roughly pulled him back. His grandfather leaned in, so close that his nose nearly touched Nishinoya’s. “You’re lucky your boyfriend’s here,” the old man laughed darkly. “When you come back tonight, he’s not gonna be here to protect you. Don’t worry, kid. You’re gonna see the error of your ways. I’ll make damn sure of it.”  
  
He let him go, and without wasting another second, Nishinoya and Suga ran back to the car as fast as their feet would carry them. The second year could feel the old man’s eyes practically burning a hole in his back with each and every step, but with Suga at his side, it only made him move more quickly, instead of hindering him with fear like it usually would.  
  
Hotaru was gripping the wheel so tightly that her knuckles were white as they climbed back into the car and shut the doors; as soon as their seatbelts were on, she hit the gas and took off.

“I’m sorry,” Nishinoya whispered, holding his wrist gingerly, “I’m so sorry, Suga-san--”  
  
“You don’t have anything to be sorry about,” he said kindly. He turned in his seat and smiled at the younger boy. “Is your wrist okay?”  
  
“Yeah... just a little sore,” he replied quietly.   
  
Suga’s voice was as comforting as it always was. “That’s good. And... please believe me when I say nothing that happened back there was your fault. I knew the risks going in. And now, you don’t have to worry about him anymore.”  
  
“Today’s a new beginning, Nishinoya-kun,” Hotaru said, smiling at him in the rearview mirror. “You never have to speak to him again, if you don’t want to.”  
  
He smiled back at her, and it was genuine, if a bit shaky.  
  
 _They can’t hurt me anymore._

* * *

The first thing he noticed about the Sugawara house as Hotaru parked in the driveway was that it somehow looked welcoming in a way his grandparents’ place never had.

It wasn’t particularly huge, and it didn’t stand out much; it was a typical two-story house that a middle-class family would have, but it looked friendly, even on the outside. Nishinoya thought it might be the vibrant, colorful flowers lining the windows and spilling over the bright red bricks, along with the fact that everything seemed clean and cared for -- or maybe it was just the fact that it was somewhere that didn’t have a bad history.

“Let’s get you inside,” Hotaru smiled. Silently, Nishinoya grabbed the bag and followed behind her and Suga.

The inside was air conditioned and just as nice as the outside, with simple but comfortable looking furniture. Hotaru walked towards the kitchen, humming along the way. “Koushi, why don’t you show him his room? I’m going to start making dinner.”  
  
“Okay,” Suga agreed. “Nishinoya, your room is upstairs, right next to mine. Come on, I’ll show you! We got it ready yesterday.”  
  
“Sure thing. Thanks, Suga-san.”  
  
The setter laughed as he climbed the staircase. “You know, you don’t have to keep calling me Suga-san if you don’t want to. And... Mom and Dad understand if you don’t want to call them ‘Mom’ and ‘Dad’ right away, or ever. They won’t get mad or anything. Just so you know.”

“...All right. I’ll think about it,” he said, thoughtful. “It’d feel kind of weird right now.”  
  
“Yeah, I know what you mean. It took me almost a year before I stopped calling them both Sugawara-san. Okay! Here we are.” He opened the door and led Nishinoya inside; the second year stopped in the doorway, and took in the room with wide eyes.  
  
It was spacious, and almost twice the size of the room he’d been in before. A large, comfortable bed was pushed into one of the corners of the room, with a dresser, night stand, and a desk with a chair nearby. A window near his bed was covered with thick, dark curtains; the entire room was bathed in bright, warm light.

“We weren’t sure what you’d be bringing over, but if you need anything, let us know. We have some towels and clothes for you in the closet, and Mom said she’d buy you a television and computer this weekend if you didn’t already have them.”  
  
“Wait -- _what?_ That’s _expensive_ ,” Nishinoya protested on reflex. “I can’t afford to pay her back -- I don’t have any money--”

“She doesn’t _want_ you to pay her back,” Suga smiled. “You don’t owe any of us anything. That’s not the point of all of this.”

“Oh... right. Sorry,” he mumbled as he set the garbage bag on the floor. “When will Daichi-san and Asahi-san be here?”  
  
“They’re coming here as soon as practice is done, and they’re wrapping it up early today, so... probably a half-hour or so. Here, I’ll give you some space to unpack and get comfortable until Asahi gets here, okay?”  
  
“Yeah... thanks, Suga-san. Seriously, thank you.”  
  
Suga’s smile was warm, just like his mother’s. “No need to thank me, Nishinoya. That’s what brothers are for.”

* * *

“Oh, hey, Koushi. Is he settling in okay?”

“As much as he can, I think. Asahi coming over should help him relax, though.” Suga poured himself a glass of water and leaned against the kitchen counter as Hotaru checked the fried rice cooking on the stove. “Did you call his grandparents?”

“I sure did,” she said with a razor-sharp smile. “Oh, his grandfather wasn’t too happy. But we don’t have to worry about either one of them. I’m pretty sure I made my point well enough.”

“You’re scary when you’re serious,” Suga laughed. “But really brave and strong, too.”  
  
“If you’re trying to flatter me, it’s working!” she said with a laugh. “Here, do you want to help me make some gyoza? We’re going to need a lot of food to feed three extra people tonight!”  
  
“You bet!” Suga felt like he was walking on air as he gathered up the ingredients and got to work, telling Hotaru more about Nishinoya all the while. She listened intently to everything he had to say, and as she praised the second year for his dedication to volleyball, Suga was certain that the smaller boy would find happiness living with them.

* * *

It didn’t take Nishinoya all that long to unpack everything from the bag; he crumpled it up and shoved it into a wastebasket next to the desk, put everything away, and then sat on his bed, staring at the ground.

And then it all hit him at once.  
  
 _I’m free. I’m free. They can’t hurt me anymore. They really can’t hurt me anymore. This is my room. With my... family, that cares about me._  
  
 _They can’t hurt me anymore._  
  
His vision suddenly blurred; he reached one shaking hand up to his face, and realized he was crying. Hot tears trailed freely down his cheeks as he hugged his knees and began to sob; distantly, he was ashamed and hoped nobody could hear him, but he couldn’t seem to stop. Relief the likes of which he had never felt before crashed over him, almost suffocating as he squeezed his eyes shut and gasped for breath.   
  
_It’s over. Nine years. It’s finally over. I never have to go back._  
  
 _They can’t hurt me anymore..._

He trembled, his breath warm against his legs. It was like a dam had been broken after nearly a decade of suffering; he couldn’t remember the last time he had cried so hard.  
  
And then his entire body went rigid when he felt a hand on his shoulder.  
  
“It’s me, Noya,” Asahi said softly. “Just me.”

He didn’t look up; he didn’t want Asahi to see his face. “S-sorry, Asahi-san, I’m just... relieved.”  
  
“I understand.” He sat down next to Nishinoya; the libero scrubbed quickly at his eyes. “It’s okay.”  
  
Wordlessly, Nishinoya turned towards him and wrapped his arms around his waist, burying his face against Asahi’s chest like he had before. The brunette gently ran his hand over Nishinoya’s back; after a few moments the second year whispered, “You really don’t mind? All of this, and... seeing me like this, I guess.” He laughed, but it was edged with hysteria that made Asahi’s heart clench.  
  
“Why would I mind?” Gently, Asahi ran his fingers through Nishinoya’s hair, and the boy shivered into the touch. “I would be more worried if you just acted like this was another normal day, really... a lot has happened. It makes sense to cry. Anyone would.”

In response, Nishinoya squeezed him tighter. His trembling had subsided, and his breathing had mostly evened out and returned to normal. Asahi trailed his hands over Nishinoya’s shoulders in his usual soothing motions.

“Um... so, my mom talked to Suga’s mom, and they said I can stay over for a couple days while you get used to being here. But only if you want me to. I thought it might make you feel a little more comfortable at first.”

“Please.” He cringed at the desperation in his voice. “I mean... that’d be great, Asahi-san.”

“Okay. Then I’ll stay over.” His hand was warm and solid against Nishinoya’s neck, a comfortable weight that he found calming. “Are you... feeling better?”

“Yeah, I’m just... it doesn’t feel real. It’s like a dream, and I’ll wake up any second, and be right back to living a nightmare. You know?” He laughed weakly. “Did you hear what happened when we stopped by the house? My grandpa came out. And he got right up in Suga-san’s face and called him a faggot. I thought he was gonna hit him, for a second.”

Asahi’s eyes widened. “...Seriously? Did... you both get away okay?”  
  
“Yeah. He was just talking shit, I guess. But it was still pretty scary. I mean, it’s bad enough when he does it to me, but to see him get like that with Suga-san...” Asahi felt him shudder, and held him just a little closer; he rested his forehead against Nishinoya’s and gently tucked a loose spike of hair back behind his ear.

“I’m sorry... I’m glad you’re both okay, at least,” Asahi whispered soothingly. “And I’m so... Noya, I’m so glad you don’t have to go back. I’m really...”  
  
He sounded choked up; Nishinoya looked up at him and was surprised to see tears forming in Asahi’s eyes. “...Asahi-san, why are you crying?” In an attempt to be casual, he laughed, but it sounded forced and confused. “I don’t--”  
  
“Because you’re finally _safe.”_ He wiped his tears away, clearly a little flustered. “Sorry... I came over to make sure you were okay, and make you feel better, and I’m like this... I’ve just been so worried, Noya. I’ve had nightmares, really... really terrible nightmares, and the thought of someone hurting you, it makes me... it makes me _sick.”_ Again, he wiped at his eyes with a sigh of frustration. “Seeing you hurt, and knowing you’d have to go back to that place at night... I couldn’t stand it. It wasn’t right. You don’t... you don’t deserve that, _nobody_ does, but definitely not you.”

Nishinoya stared at him, momentarily speechless. “...Asahi-san, I--”  
  
A soft knock came at the door. “Hey,” Suga said, his voice soft and a bit muffled. “Dinner will be ready in about five minutes. Come down whenever you want, okay?”  
  
“You got it! Thanks, Suga-san.”  
  
On the other side of the door, Suga smiled as he walked away. _He sounds a little more lively... I’m glad. I’m glad everything came together._

“Do you want to go downstairs now?” Asahi asked quietly.  
  
Nishinoya thought about it for a moment, and then smiled. “Sounds good to me.”

* * *

When they made it downstairs a couple minutes later, Nishinoya’s face lit up with the sight before him. The table in the dining room was heaped high with all kinds of food; Suga, Daichi and Hotaru were already sitting down while Kazuya brought them tea.

“Oh, hey there,” Hotaru said warmly. “Come over and sit on this side, facing Koushi and Daichi. Make yourselves comfortable.”  
  
“This is... a lot of food,” Nishinoya said with wonder as they took their seats.  
  
“We figured a celebration was in order,” Kazuya smiled as he poured tea for Suga. “Would either of you like some tea?” he asked politely.  
  
“Yes, please,” they said in unison. He laughed quietly in response and pushed his hair out of his eyes as he reached for two more cups and brought them over with the kettle before he sat down in the last empty spot. The small talk was casual and friendly; Nishinoya was almost entirely silent, however, focused mostly on listening and observing. The subjects switched from work, to school, to volleyball, and then finally, to Suga and Daichi.

“A girl confessed to me the other day,” Suga laughed bashfully. “I felt so bad... I’m not sure how the entire school doesn’t know Daichi and I are together by now.”  
  
Nishinoya’s eyes widened, and he gripped his chopsticks just a little too tightly. Daichi was the first to notice.  
  
“Something wrong, Nishinoya?” he asked curiously. “You already knew, didn’t you?”  
  
The second year looked from him to Suga, and then to Hotaru and Kazuya, then back to the two boys sitting across from him. “I just... is it...”  
  
 _“Oh,”_   Suga said with sudden understanding. “No, it’s fine. Mom and Dad know that we’re dating. They don’t care at all.”

“They... don’t.” It wasn’t really a question, and he felt a bit foolish; _obviously they don’t care, otherwise Suga-san would have said something about it, especially since he figured out how I feel about Asahi-san._ Hotaru and Kazuya didn’t seem bothered, however.

“Definitely not,” Hotaru smiled. “I’ve dated a few girls myself, anyway. I don’t care that Koushi is dating a boy. I’m just glad that he found such a nice boyfriend.”

Daichi bowed his head, a little flustered; Suga grinned, and elbowed him playfully in the side. Nishinoya’s gaze moved from Hotaru over to Kazuya, who shrugged.  
  
“I feel the same way,” he said. “It doesn’t bother me at all.”  
  
Nishinoya felt a little uncomfortable with everyone’s attention on him; he looked over at Asahi, who was watching him as well.

“You’re... not worried about what I think, are you?” Asahi laughed, clearly a little embarrassed. “Um, I’m... I like guys... so I don’t really care either. And neither does my mom, if you were wondering.”

A multitude of emotions slammed into Nishinoya like a hurricane; surprise, relief, and hope. _So he really does like guys... maybe Suga-san was right, and I really do have a chance. I don’t think I was fooling myself, after all..._ “What about your dad? I’ve never seen him around.”

“Oh. That’s because he passed away when I was really young.” He said it nonchalantly, but Nishinoya immediately cringed all the same.  
  
“Damn -- sorry, that was stupid of me.”  
  
“No, it’s okay. I don’t mind,” Asahi said reassuringly.

“We’re all pretty open-minded,” Suga said, sipping at his tea. “So, there’s nothing to worry about there.”

Nishinoya nodded, thoughtful as he continued eating. _He didn’t put me on the spot or anything, but it seems kind of like he was reassuring me._  
  
He looked up from his plate; everyone was talking and laughing, perfectly at ease with each other. There was no anger, no malice, in any of them.  
  
 _I think I really will be okay._

* * *

Asahi was helping Suga take the empty plates to the sink when the setter leaned over to whisper to him.

“Asahi,” he said, his tone serious, “the worst of it is over. But remember what I said before. We have him here, but he’s still going to be bearing the weight of everything that he went through. It’s not as simple as just moving on and forgetting it ever happened.”

“...Yeah. I figured,” he said quietly. “I’m just glad that he’s not there anymore. Because... at least he has a chance now, to... heal, as much as he can? And to live a better life.”

Suga’s smile was genuine, but he seemed tired. “Yeah. He might be a little on edge for... a while, is all. Maybe less with you, and more with my parents, but... just a heads up. It takes time and a lot of understanding.”  
  
“...You know from experience, right?” he asked softly.  
  
Suga nodded. “Yeah. When I first came here, it took me months not to flinch when one of them even looked at me. I tore the sleeve of one of my shirts a week after I started living here, and completely broke down. Every mistake felt like the end of the world... I had to relearn so much.” His eyes were sad and distant with unpleasant memories. “It’s important that we support him as much as possible. Though, I guess I don’t really have to tell you that, huh?”  
  
Asahi turned away to put the stack of plates that he was holding in the sink, clearly a little flustered. “Of course. I’ll be there for him no matter what.”

Suga’s smile was just a little warmer. “Yeah, I know.”

* * *

“There’s a spare futon in the closet,” Suga said helpfully as the four students went back upstairs. “If you even need it,” he added teasingly. Asahi groaned and covered his eyes with one hand while Nishinoya spluttered indignantly. Suga and Daichi’s laughter was audible even after they closed the door to Suga’s room.

“So embarrassing,” Nishinoya muttered as he sat on his bed. “Oh, right, I guess I should change... it’s been a hell of a day.” He bounced up and dug around in his dresser for his pajamas. “I’m not used to having somewhere to put my clothes that isn’t the floor,” he muttered to himself as he took off his shirt.

Asahi tried not to wince at the sight of fading bruises on Nishinoya’s back as he changed into his own pajamas and sat back awkwardly on the bed. “So... what do you think? About the house, and Suga’s parents.”

The mattress dipped a little as Nishinoya plopped down beside Asahi and rolled over him to lay next to the wall. “It still feels really weird. Like some kind of joke, you know? Or like I’ll screw up, and I’ll have to leave.” He looked troubled as he pulled the blanket up to his chin. “It’s stupid. I _know_ they’re not gonna do anything bad. But I can’t seem to completely convince myself.”

Asahi scooted closer, and smiled when Nishinoya curled up next to him. “Well... maybe after a while, you won’t feel that way anymore,” he suggested. “It’s a big change, all of a sudden, so. It makes sense to feel that way. It’s not stupid at all.”

“Yeah. You’re right, Asahi-san.” He sighed a little, and pressed himself closer to Asahi’s warm form. “I don’t feel like I can focus at all right now. I’ll just do my homework later... probably,” he said with a yawn. “Just... a quick nap.”

“Okay,” Asahi agreed with a small smile.  
  
Moments later, Nishinoya was asleep, breathing soft and slow against Asahi’s chest. Before long, the older boy had dozed off as well, warm and comfortable with the second year asleep in his arms.

* * *

It was almost impossible for Nishinoya to focus in school the next day; he couldn’t keep his attention from wandering to thoughts of his new family, his new house, and his new knowledge of Asahi’s preference for guys.  _Maybe this is my chance..._

During afternoon practice, he was a little livelier than usual; most of the team thought nothing of it, but those that knew what had happened yesterday smiled as he punched the air enthusiastically after a particularly good receive.

“He already seems like he’s feeling better,” Takeda said from the sidelines.  
  
Ukai’s grin was genuinely happy. “Yeah. Must’ve gone well yesterday. I’m glad.”

* * *

Later, once practice was over and they’d finished showering and changing, he ran up to Asahi with a huge smile on his face. “Asahi-san! Let’s go somewhere today!”

“Oh... sure. Did you have something in mind?”

“Yeah! Come on, I’ll tell you outside!”  
  
Dusk was just beginning to touch the sky as they left the gym. Nishinoya brazenly grabbed onto Asahi’s hand and pulled him along. “I was thinking we could go to this spot at the riverbank nearby! It’s really cool! I’ve been there a lot, when I needed to get away for a while.”

“Okay,” he agreed. “Is there some reason you wanted to go today?”  
  
Nishinoya looked away, unusually shy. “Yeah. I just... wanted to talk to you about something, is all.”

“Oh... all right. Sounds good.” He kept pace with the smaller boy; within minutes, they reached the river. Carefully, they made their way down the slope ahead.  
  
“Follow me!” Nishinoya smiled. He led Asahi over to a small bridge that arched high over their heads and sat in the shade it created, the edge of his shoes dipping into the water as he sat down. “Isn’t this awesome?” he asked, quiet but happy. The grass beneath their palms was cool and slightly damp. “It’s really nice here.”

“Yeah,” Asahi agreed. He sat close to Nishinoya; their knees knocked together slightly, and he looked down at the second year who was gazing into the water. “What did you want to talk to me about, by the way? Is... everything okay?”

Nishinoya’s laugh was strained and nervous. “Yeah. I mean, probably. I think.” He groaned in frustration and tousled his own hair. “Ugh, I’m no good at this sort of stuff. I’ve never done it before.”  
  
“Done what before?”

“Seriously, Asahi-san? You haven’t had _any_ idea why I might’ve brought you here?” His smile was exasperated but fond. “You’re not making this easy at all -- hey, don’t look at me like that, I’m not actually mad. Jeez.”

“Um, maybe? But I’m not sure if I’m right or not, so...” He shrugged, and looked out at the water. “Sorry, Noya. But I’ll listen to anything you have to say.”

“Yeah, yeah. That’s just like you,” he laughed. For a moment, he stared out at the water with Asahi, quiet and thoughtful. “So, I figure the best thing to do is to just come right out and say it. That’s my usual style, anyway. And I figure you’ll be cool with it, or... maybe even happy. But I guess I’m kinda chicken, ‘cause the thought of you getting pissed at me for it hurts, and it sucks.”

“There’s not much you could do to make me angry, Noya,” Asahi said quietly. “I don’t think you really have to worry about that--”  
  
“But it’s not just that, either.” He hugged his knees and stared ahead, unable to meet Asahi’s eyes. “I want you to feel the same way I do. It’s got me all messed up inside. I don’t want to care what anyone thinks about me. I don’t want to depend on anyone. But without Suga-san and everyone looking out for me, I’d still live with my grandparents. But even worse is you.”  
  
“...Me?”  
  
“Yeah, you big dork,” he said with a weak laugh. “Even if you’re not mad, it feels like it wouldn’t be enough. You don’t owe me anything, but at the same time, it’s like... it’d hurt so bad. Because you mean so much to me.”  
  
“Noya...” Asahi leaned in a little closer; the libero could smell the earthy scent of his hair. “Are you saying...”

Nishinoya kept his gaze on the water. “I like you, Asahi-san. I _really_ like you. I like you so much that it drives me a little crazy, to be honest. I’ve had the hots for you since the moment I saw you, and the more time I spent around you the more I felt that way.” His voice shook a little, and he squeezed his knees close to his chest. “Maybe it’s stupid. I dunno. You’re so -- you’re so _hot_ , and you’re amazing at volleyball, and so -- so _gentle_ and sometimes it’s frustrating but most of the time it just makes me wanna kiss you.”

For a moment, Asahi didn’t say anything, and Nishinoya kept looking at the river, refusing to meet the other boy’s eyes.  
  
“...Noya,” he managed eventually, “I wouldn’t mind. If you... if you kissed me.”  
  
Slowly, Nishinoya turned to look at him, disbelief and hope playing out across his features. “...Seriously?”  
  
“Um... yeah?” Asahi laughed a little weakly; his entire face was red. “I... I think about that a lot, actually? Because I really like you too. I’ve liked you for ages. Even my mom noticed.”  
  
Nishinoya grabbed his arm, a smile slowly spreading across his face. “Asahi-san, you’re not kidding me, right? You like me too? For real?”

“I’m totally serious,” he said with a lopsided smile. “So, um...”  
  
“Can I kiss you, then?” Nishinoya asked breathlessly.  
  
“Oh...” Asahi’s blush deepened, and he smiled again, shy but obviously pleased. “I’d... I’d really like that, yeah. Please.”  
  
Without another word, Nishinoya pulled him down and cupped his cheek with one small hand; idly, he ran his fingers over the beginnings of Asahi’s five-o’-clock shadow, and stared into his eyes for a moment before closing his own. Their breaths tickled each other’s cheeks; Nishinoya moved slowly but surely, and a moment later, their lips finally met.  
  
Nishinoya felt like he was flying, like all the blood in his veins was electrified as Asahi pushed gently back into the kiss, tender and careful. The seconds felt like hours, each one glorious and perfect, until Asahi finally pulled away, staring into Nishinoya’s eyes with no trace of fear.

“...Wow.” The second year’s smile was bright and lit up his entire face. “ _Wow._ That was awesome. We should totally do that again.”

Asahi chuckled a little. “So, does this mean we’re...?”  
  
“Well, I never actually asked, but I guess that’s the traditional way, right? Asahi-san, would you like to go out with me?”

Asahi leaned closer for another kiss, a smile on his face and his words barely more than a whisper.

“I’d love to.”

* * *

_to be continued in part vii_

 


	7. part vii

When Nishinoya and Asahi returned to the Sugawara house that night, something was just a little different.  
  
Maybe it was the way they radiated happiness; the only other time Suga and Daichi had seen Nishinoya smile so broadly was when Asahi came back after missing practice for a month. Suga chuckled and his eyes crinkled with amusement as Nishinoya marched through the front door with Asahi’s hand firmly in his own.

“Welcome back,” he grinned. “Did you two have a nice date?”  
  
 _“Date...”_ Asahi’s entire face went bright red, and Nishinoya looked a little flustered himself.  
  
“Hey, it wasn’t a _date,”_   he protested. “That’s gonna happen some other time,” he mumbled before racing up the stairs with Asahi in tow. Suga and Daichi both laughed, and leaned on each other with matching smiles.

“Looks like things are going pretty smoothly, huh?” Daichi said conversationally as he idly ran his fingers through Suga’s hair.  
  
“Mmm,” he hummed in agreement. He slipped his arms around Daichi’s waist and sighed into his touch. “I’m glad they found each other, honestly. I think they’re really good together, for a lot of reasons.”  
  
“Yeah,” Daichi smiled as he placed a soft kiss against Suga’s forehead, “I think so too.”

* * *

Nishinoya figured that with his feelings for Asahi resolved and the boy holding him close in his strong, warm arms in a safe house, he’d sleep better than he ever had before.

But he was wrong.

He had little difficulty actually falling asleep; it was all too easy, really, in such a nice bed with Asahi holding him protectively against his chest. Soon after, though, the dreams began -- nightmares the likes of which he’d rarely had before and hadn’t remotely expected.  
  
 _The world was empty and dark except for the wing spiker in front of him. Asahi stood over him, tall, so tall and strong, but something was -- off. His face wore an expression of disgusted disappointment, and his voice echoed unpleasantly, sharp in Nishinoya’s mind._  
  
 _“You’re a mistake, Nishinoya.” No, that’s not right... why did he say that, and -- like a stranger? He never called him that, he -- “They were right.” It was a whisper and yet loud all at the same time. “They were right. You make everything worse. Worse. Worse. You ruin... everything.” His voice echoed so loudly in Nishinoya’s head, like it was made of knives; he felt like he was suffocating. “They were right.”_

 _He couldn’t speak, couldn’t use his voice to protest; it felt like he could barely breathe at all. Paralyzed and confused, he could only watch as Asahi stepped closer, shadows and darkness swirling around him. His hands reached up, up, towards Nishinoya’s neck._   
  
_“They were right,” he whispered. “They were right.”_   
  
_His fingers wrapped around Nishinoya’s throat, and he smiled._

Asahi was awake in an instant when Nishinoya began to scream.

It was wordless at first, but edged into hysterical sobs. “ _No--_ stop, please -- I’m sorry--”  
  
“Noya? Noya? It was just a nightmare, I’m right here. Noya.” He touched his cheek gently; the smaller boy looked at him, unblinking, eyes wide with terror and wet with tears. “It was just a nightmare. You’re okay... you’re safe.”

“Asahi-san.” The words were choked and quiet, steeped in desperation. “I’m sorry, I’m so sorry--”  
  
“There’s nothing to apologize for,” he said soothingly as he gently stroked the smaller boy’s hair. His mind was groggy and he wasn’t quite sure what to do. “Do you... do you want to talk about it, or...?”  
  
 _“No.”_   He clung to Asahi, and his hands still shook with slight tremors from the vivid details that he wished he could forget. “No.” _I’d just freak him out. He’d feel so bad over something that wasn’t even his fault, something he had no control over at all. It’s better if I just... don’t say anything._

Asahi seemed troubled and hesitant, but didn’t push the issue. “Okay,” he agreed, voice bleary with fatigue. “Do you... need anything? Maybe some water?”

“No, that’s okay. I just... I wanna go back to sleep.” He pulled the blanket over his chin and curled into himself, tiny and hard to see in the darkness.   
  
Asahi nodded and made himself as comfortable as he could. “All right. Just let me know if you need anything, okay? And... don’t hesitate to wake me up, if you need to.” His eyes slipped closed, and he dozed off and fell back asleep within moments.

Nishinoya watched him in the darkness, desperate to rest but afraid of it at the same time. Finally, a little over an hour later, he drifted back into a troubled, uneasy sleep.

* * *

The next morning, Asahi was even more gentle than he usually was.

“How are you feeling?” he asked after Nishinoya finished showering and changed into clean clothes.

Nishinoya glanced at the floor, obviously uncomfortable. “I’m fine. Sorry about last night.”  
  
“Hey, don’t sound so uneasy. I really don’t mind,” Asahi said, hoping he sounded reassuring. “Really.”  
  
Despite the vague guilt still curdling in his stomach, Nishinoya managed to smile. “Thanks, Asahi-san. Ugh, sorry, I must sound like the biggest wimp, huh?” His laugh sounded just a little forced, just a little hollow. “How are you dealing with this?”

“You don’t sound like a wimp,” Asahi frowned. He rested one hand on Nishinoya’s shoulder, his thumb moving slowly over the fabric. His eyes met Nishinoya’s, and the second year felt nervous and safe all at once.

 _It’s like he can see right through me... what the hell,_ Nishinoya thought with exasperated fondness.

“Really,” Asahi continued, “you don’t. And asking how I’m dealing with it is... that’s implying that I mind. I don’t. It... didn’t make me mad. Why would it?” His fingers traced the shell of Nishinoya’s ear, and the second year shivered a little at the touch. “I mean, I guess some people would get mad, but. It wouldn’t be rational.”

“...Yeah, you’re right. You’re not an angry sort of guy anyway, huh? Makes it even scarier when you’re really pissed, though.”

Asahi cast his eyes downward, guilt and shame playing across his features. “I’m sorry, Noya... I won’t... I know better now--”  
  
“Hey,” he said gently, “don’t worry about it. The stuff in March? Ancient history.” He grabbed at Asahi’s wrist, and the third year finally met his eyes again. “Sorry for bringing it up like that. I wasn’t trying to make you feel bad. Cheer up, okay?”

Asahi laughed a little weakly. “I should be the one trying to make you feel better, not the other way around.”

Nishinoya threaded their fingers together. “Let’s make each other feel better, then! I think Suga-san calls it... uh... stream...”  
  
“Streamlining the process? I don’t think that counts here... I think you just want to hold hands,” Asahi laughed.  
  
“Are you teasing me? You’re _teasing_ me!” Nishinoya’s entire demeanor was so different than it had been even a few moments ago, full of energy and vigor.

“Come on,” Asahi grinned, “we’re going to be late for practice.”

* * *

It took effort, but Nishinoya managed to push the memory of the nightmare to the back of his mind for the rest of the day, and kept his thoughts preoccupied with volleyball, his new family, and his new relationship.

Dinner was shaping up to be adventurous once again; Daichi and Asahi hadn’t come over this time, so it was Nishinoya’s first night in the house alone with the family. Hotaru and Kazuya were both out late, though, so he and Suga were by themselves. The older boy had just finished cooking, and beckoned him over the kitchen, where he handed him a plate piled high with food.  
  
“Here you go; hold that for a second, and -- oh, I forgot the seasoning. Let me get some,” he said as he turned away. Nishinoya leaned forward to see what Suga was reaching for -- but the older boy turned back around suddenly, surprising him and throwing him off balance.  
  
Time felt like it was going in slow motion as the plate slipped from his hands.  
  
A moment later, Suga was covered in sauce, and the food was all over the floor with broken bits of glass. “Oh! Oops.” Suga didn’t seem bothered, but the smile fell from his face when he glanced up at Nishinoya. The second year was looking at the floor and back up at Suga with wide eyes; he was upset, but couldn’t seem to get his voice to work enough to apologize.

“Hey... hey, it’s okay,” Suga whispered soothingly. “Nishinoya?”  
  
Nishinoya’s hands began to tremble; Suga’s eyes flickered down and he caught sight of the shaking. _I messed up,_ Nishinoya thought frantically. _I shouldn’t even be in the kitchen, I’m probably not allowed, I..._ His heart felt like it was in his throat, pounding too fast and too hard as he struggled to breathe.

“Nishinoya.” Suga’s voice was gentle as he came closer. “It’s okay. I promise. I’m not mad. Our parents won’t care. It’s okay.”  
  
“I...” Tears stung the corner of his eyes. _Holy shit. I can’t breathe right. Why can’t I breathe right?_   His throat constricted, and each breath came too fast and too shallow. “I can’t... breathe. I can’t breathe. Suga-san, what’s...?”  
  
“It’s okay. Here.” Suga gently took him by the hand and put a warm palm on his shoulder, then steered him over to a chair. “Here, sit with me, okay? It’s going to be okay.”  
  
“I feel like I’m--” _Dying,_ he wanted to say, but the thought brought a new surge of terror crashing into him, and his heart fluttered painfully in his chest.

Suga squeezed his shoulder gently. “I know. But I promise you’re okay. You’re having what’s called an anxiety attack. I used to get them for a while, after I moved in here. But it’s okay. You’ll be fine, I promise. I’m right here with you, okay?” Nishinoya nodded; his eyes were unfocused as a bead of sweat fell down his face. “Concentrate as much as you can on breathing in and out slowly. Here, look at me while you do it. I’m here with you, and everything will be fine.”

The next several minutes passed quietly; true to his word, Suga stayed right there, watching Nishinoya and breathing slowly as well, to help the second year find his own rhythm. Eventually, Nishinoya blinked, and the tension began to go out of his shoulders.  
  
“You said this happened to you sometimes, Suga-san?”  
  
“Yeah,” he replied quietly. “Scary, huh? It feels like you’re dying. It’s awful. Mom taught me some tricks to deal with them, though. I can teach you, too, if you want. What do you say?”

“Please,” he asked, his voice a little raw. “That’d be awesome. Sorry about... everything.”  
  
“It’s fine,” Suga said with a smile. “Here, let’s clean up together and get you some water. Do you want me to tell you everything in your room after we eat? Would that be more comfortable?”

“Okay. I’m... I’m not too hungry anymore, though. Not right now, at least.”  
  
“Yeah, that’s understandable. Okay, no problem. We can just put this in the fridge until your appetite comes back.” He offered the younger boy a reassuring smile before getting up; quietly, Nishinoya followed him, still focused on making sure his breathing stayed calm and even. Suga kept his movements slow and steady; Nishinoya stayed silent as they cleaned together and put the food away, and mumbled a barely audible thanks as Suga handed him a glass of cold water.  
  
“All right, let’s go.” Suga led the way back to his room; Nishinoya closed the door and made his way over to the bed, where he sat with his legs crossed and his elbows resting on his knees. Suga sat in the chair at the desk, backwards so the back of the it pressed against his chest. “Are you feeling better?” he asked kindly.

“A little, yeah. Thanks.” He laughed awkwardly and looked away. “I hate this kind of stuff. I feel like a coward. Like, I would never call you a coward, Suga-san,” he added quickly, “but for some reason, it’s different when it comes to me.”

Suga rested his chin on the edge of the chair. “That’s a pretty common feeling. We’re our own worst critics.” His posture was loose and at ease. “For what it’s worth, I don’t think you’re a coward, or a burden, or anything like that. Neither does Daichi, or Asahi, or our parents. It might be hard to believe at times, but it’s the truth. I’ve been through similar things, and... well.” His smile was tinged with sadness. “We expect you to struggle sometimes, because you aren’t the only one who has. It’s normal. It doesn’t mean you’re terrible, or anything. We expected it, but we brought you here anyway. Because we really, really don’t mind. I promise.”

“You’re a good guy, Suga-san,” Nishinoya grinned. He was still a little subdued, but more like his usual self. “I’m glad you’re my brother.”

Suga’s smile was radiant. “I’m glad you’re my brother, too. I’m gonna do my best to help you out, okay? And I know it’s not easy, but if you ever need something or have a question, feel free to ask. I won’t judge you.” His eyes were as warm as his smile. “You’ve always been guarding our backs, so now it’s our turn to guard yours.”

Nishinoya looked away, a little flustered, but his words were genuine. “Thanks,” he said quietly. “For everything.”  
  
“No problem,” Suga answered easily. “Now, let’s talk about how to deal with anxiety attacks, just in case they happen again. I’ll even make you little notes if you think it’ll help!”

Nishinoya nodded enthusiastically, and as Suga began to speak, his attention didn’t waver once.

* * *

“The Interhigh preliminaries are soon, aren’t they?”

Asahi’s mother was typing away at her computer and drinking coffee, despite the fact that it was already evening. He sat beside her at the kitchen table, and rested his cheek against the cool wood surface; his eyes slipped shut in exhaustion.  
  
“Yeah,” he said with a stifled yawn. “That’s why everyone’s been practicing so hard... they’re in a little less than a week.”  
  
“Oh, that’s so exciting! And what about Nishinoya-kun? How is he doing? We should have him over again sometime, don’t you think?”

“Yeah... things have started to settle down a little bit? At least I think so... he seems to be doing, um... really good.” He could feel the heat in his face, which only made his blush worse; his mother smiled at him knowingly.

“Why so flustered, dear?” she asked with a sly smile. “Did something nice happen? Something you forgot to mention, maybe?”

He covered his face with one arm, and his blush spread to the tips of his ears. “Um... a few days ago, after school...” His words were difficult to hear, hardly more than a mumble, but his mother had seventeen years of practice listening to her shy and easily flustered son. “Noya took me to this spot at the riverbank, and uh... we sort of... he asked me to be his boyfriend.”

Her face lit up with sheer delight. “Oh my goodness! Did you say yes? You did, didn’t you? Oh, that’s adorable! I’m so happy for the both of you!”

A smile curved at Asahi’s lips despite his embarrassment. Nishinoya hadn’t been over since he’d moved and they’d started dating; his next visit and encounter with Asahi’s mother was sure to be entertaining.

* * *

Nishinoya practiced harder than he ever had before.

In the mornings and after school, he gave it his all, determined to make every moment count. As important as it was to be ready for their first match, it was their likely second opponent that he was wary of.  
  
Dateko.

He didn’t want to lose, for many reasons -- it was likely the last tournament for the third years, losing to them again would be bitter indeed, and he hated the idea of stopping the Interhigh after just two matches.  
  
And most of all, he was worried about the effect that losing would have on Asahi.

The third year had more confidence since his return, and stood on the court during practices with pride and enthusiasm. He had more confidence now than Nishinoya had ever seen in him before, and it was wonderful and hard-earned.  
  
The idea of Dateko crushing all of that beneath their iron walls made him a little sick to his stomach.  
  
He tried not to focus on that too much, and instead concentrated simply on improving his skills and getting used to being a part of the Sugawara household. And then, two days before the first matches of the Interhigh, he finally stopped by Asahi’s house after practice instead of going straight home.

“My mom is going to be really happy to see you,” Asahi said with a quiet smile as they walked side by side. “I think she’s been really worried... and you look a lot better than the last time you were over.”  
  
“Huh? Oh, yeah! I guess the bruises have faded a lot, right?”  
  
“Well, yeah, but not just that. You seem more, um... lively? I mean, you always did, but. You look healthier, and... happier,” Asahi explained as they reached the house. “Plus, she knows that we’re... you know...”  
  
“You can say _dating,_ Asahi-san,” Nishinoya grinned. “Or is that too embarrassing?” He laughed as Asahi’s face turned red. “Okay, how about _boyfriends?”_  
  
“Um... I mean... both sound nice,” he mumbled as he opened the door and toed off his shoes. “I’m just not used to it, is all...”  
  
Asahi’s mother was on them then, before Nishinoya had even finished taking his shoes off. “Nishinoya-kun, there you are! Asahi told me you were coming over today, so I made you both a big dinner, since I’m sure you’ve been practicing hard. Come here, let’s go to the kitchen and you can tell me how things have been going!”   
  
The smell of warm food wafted towards them; their stomachs rumbled as they walked towards the table piled high with various dishes. “It’s so good to see you again!” Azumane-san smiled as they took their seats.

“Yeah! I missed you, Azumane-san! Sorry for not coming by sooner. But thanks for having me over again! And for all this food!” Nishinoya said brightly.

“Oh, don’t think anything of it, it’s no trouble at all,” she said warmly as she sat down with them and sipped at her tea. “How do you like it over at the Sugawara house? Is everything going better for you, lately?”

“Yeah, it’s great!” he replied around a mouthful of salmon. “Just taking a little getting used to, is all. But they’re nice! And being Suga-san’s little brother is awesome.”

“Good, good, I’m glad to hear it. And... Asahi tells me something nice happened the other day, after practice?” she asked with a gleam in her eye.

“Totally! We’re boyfriends now!” he exclaimed proudly. Asahi sank in his chair a little as the tips of his ears turned red. “About time, huh? He said you figured out that he liked me ages ago.”

Azumane-san’s face held no malice, no disgust; only joy and fondness. It was about what Nishinoya had expected, but all the same, there was a tiny part of him that had been terrified that her reaction would be outrage. The spark of fear was smothered under the weight of her smile and the warmth in her eyes. “I did! He’s always been so shy, so he doesn’t make many friends, but when you started going to Karasuno, I swear you were all he talked about for weeks on end.”

 _“Mom,”_   Asahi groaned. He hid his face with his hands as Nishinoya laughed.

“Asahi-san is a great guy! I’m lucky as hell!” the second year beamed. Azumane-san grinned back at him, and high fived him across the table as Asahi hid his face behind his cup of tea.

The rest of dinner was just as animated as the start of it; Asahi’s mother asked them all kinds of questions about the Interhigh and school by the time they’d finished eating. She sent them upstairs to do their homework, garigari-kun in hand, and Nishinoya could swear he felt some of the shadows in his heart melt away.

* * *

“I’m really glad your mom doesn’t hate me,” Nishinoya said quietly.

Asahi looked up from his notes, brow furrowed in confusion. “Why would she hate you? Because of... because of the boyfriend thing?”  
  
“Well, yeah. I guess that’s the big one.” Idly, he twirled his pencil between his fingers. “I like guys, and I’m dating you. And I’m always coming over here and eating her food and stuff. And she’s friends with Hotaru-san, who’s been going through hell for me. So I wouldn’t be surprised if she, I dunno, resented me or something.”  
  
“Nobody can resent you for any of that if they’re halfway decent,” Asahi said with conviction. “Besides... I’m pretty sure my mom might be one of the nicest people on the planet,” he added with a laugh. “Of course she doesn’t hate you. I don’t... I don’t really see how anyone could, honestly.”  
  
For a moment, Nishinoya’s expression softened with fondness before splitting into a shit-eating grin. “Hey, I didn’t know you were such a smooth talker! How come you’re not more of a hit with the ladies?”  
  
“Um, probably because everyone thinks I look like a criminal?”

Nishinoya burst out laughing. “That’s crazy. I know it’s true, but it’s crazy. You’d be the worst thug ever. You’re like a big teddy bear.”

Asahi looked away bashfully. “Is... is that a bad thing?”  
  
Nishinoya chuckled as he leaned over and planted a kiss on Asahi’s cheek. “Nah. Not at all. I like you just the way you are, Asahi-san.”

Asahi’s smile made the second year’s heart flutter. “I could say the same to you, Noya.”

* * *

The first victory of Interhigh bolstered Karasuno’s spirits, but the looming threat of facing Dateko had the entire team on edge despite the win they’d secured.

But Nishinoya’s bravado with _Rolling Thunder Again_ immediately changed the atmosphere into something more bearable. While everyone stifled their laughter, he put his hands on his hips and drew himself up to his full height.   
  
“All right! There’s nothing to worry about! All of you, keep your eyes forward -- because you have me guarding your backs!” Asahi felt butterflies in his stomach; even if Nishinoya wasn’t that tall, his charisma and personality made him seem like a giant. The ace’s dread melted away like a snowflake under the summer sun.  
  
As long as Nishinoya was there, he had nothing to fear -- not even failure.

* * *

They won.

They beat Date Tech and got their revenge, and they _won._

The adrenaline from their victory still hadn’t entirely faded as Suga ran into his house, with Daichi, Asahi and Nishinoya on his heels; all four of them wore huge smiles brighter than the sun itself. Kazuya looked up from the plates of food he was preparing, surprised; but it quickly faded into a wide grin.

“The matches went well, I take it?” He seemed genuinely happy. “That’s awesome. Hotaru’s running a little late tonight, but here. Dinner’s almost done. You should tell me all about it while we eat! I made sure to make stuff with a lot of protein and vitamins so you’d be ready for tomorrow, too.”

As they talked and recounted stories of their plays during the games, Nishinoya didn’t once feel awkward or out of place. His guard was completely down, because he had no reason to put it up; the elation of a victory they’d desperately craved was still burning in his blood.  
  
And Kazuya looked _happy._

He listened to every word they told him, with a genuine smile the entire time -- and when Asahi told him with great excitement about the incredible save Nishinoya made with his foot, he bounced in his chair a little.   
  
“Nishinoya-kun, that’s amazing! I knew you were an awesome libero -- Koushi’s told us all about it -- but that’s really something else! I’m so proud of you! I can’t wait to see you play sometime when I’m a little less busy!”

The second year felt his breath catch in his throat in pleasant shock. _Proud... of me. Proud of me. He said he **knew** I was awesome. Like there was no question about it. He’s proud of me--_

“He really is amazing,” Asahi said warmly. “He’s like the glue of the team. Or, um... at least for me. He makes me feel a lot braver on the court, just by being there... And his skills as a libero are pretty much unparalleled.”

“You _have_ become a lot less wimpy since Nishinoya joined up last year,” Daichi grinned.  
  
Suga laughed as Asahi gave Daichi a flat look. “I’m pretty sure that’s the most backhanded compliment I’ve ever heard in my life.”

Nishinoya chuckled along with him, and clapped Asahi on the back with a huge smile. “He might be a little timid, but Asahi-san is definitely worthy of being called our ace! I’ve never been more proud of him than I was today! He faced down the Iron Wall and broke through it, despite what they did to us last time. That took guts!”

Asahi flushed a little, and a small smile tugged at the corner of his lips. A moment later, he yelped as Daichi kicked at him under the table.  
  
“Don’t give him a big head or anything. He still has a long way to go,” he grinned. “I guess you’re right, though. He _is_ pretty good.”

The banter continued as they finished eating; instead of staying over to study like they usually would, Daichi and Asahi went straight home afterwards to rest up. After all, they had another match tomorrow.  
  
Nishinoya stared up at the ceiling for what felt like hours before he finally fell asleep, with thoughts of Aobajousai weighing heavily on his mind.

* * *

Less than twenty four hours later, his fear of losing became a bitter, painful reality.

Nishinoya swallowed down the sour taste of defeat as best as he could. But when they all sat down to the dinner Ukai was treating them to, the tears began to flow, and he couldn’t seem to stop them.  
  
Thankfully, he wasn’t the only one crying -- in fact, aside from the adults, it seemed like Tsukishima was the only person who _didn’t_ shed tears. It gave him plenty of cover -- the only people who probably realized just how deep it cut were the people that knew about his past.  
  
He had _failed._  
  
“Nishinoya,” Suga called quietly as everyone got ready to leave. “Would you mind coming with me for a moment?” The younger boy nodded; Suga led him over to the side of the building; the rest of the team was still inside. “Let’s talk for a second... are you okay?”  
  
Nishinoya bit his lip and looked at the ground. “I dunno. I feel like I really screwed up.”  
  
“Because of our family?” he asked softly.  
  
The libero shifted his weight from one foot to the other. “Yeah! You get it, huh? Because, I dunno. Kazuya-san sounded so happy yesterday. It really seemed like he was actually proud of me. But I haven’t even been there that long, and now I lost a match. I mean... you’ve been there so long, right? So it’s not as... dammit, I don’t even know what I’m trying to say,” he said with a frustrated sigh.

“You’re worried they’ll think less of you, and that there’ll be consequences. But you think I’ll be okay since I’ve lived there for a while, or at least, you hope I’ll be okay. Right?” His smile was tinged with sadness. “I felt the same way when I moved in with them in junior high, honestly. And really, I think you’re handling it better than I did... I was almost inconsolable the first time I lost a match after they adopted me. I figured, hey, I’m just some broken mess that they took pity on, and volleyball’s all I’m good for! But then I lost, and I felt like I wasn’t even good at that anymore.”

“Yeah, that’s exactly how I -- wait, but then... Kageyama taking your starting position must feel...”  
  
“Pretty harsh, honestly.” He laughed a little, but it sounded kind of hollow. “I’ve come a long way since I was adopted, but losing my starting position hurt for a lot of reasons. And it dug up some of that old insecurity that I’ve worked so hard to get rid of.”  
  
Nishinoya stepped closer to him, obviously a little fired up. “Suga-san, you’re amazing, though! You might not be a genius, but your dedication and understanding is second to none! You know us like nobody else does! There’s no way that Hotaru-san and Kazuya-san would be disappointed! None of us could _ever_ be disappointed in you!”

Suga’s smile became a little warmer. “I’m glad you feel that way, Nishinoya. But guess what?”  
  
The second year rubbed at his arm idly. “What?”  
  
“We all feel the same way about you.” His hands moved as he spoke. “You’re an amazing guy, Nishinoya. You’re so charismatic, determined, and dedicated. Your skill as a libero has been well known since you were in junior high. That’s not suddenly meaningless because we lost a game against Aobajousai. And Mom and Dad both know that.”   
  
He reached forward, and gently put a hand on one of the libero’s shoulders. “They’re still going to be proud of you, not just for being such a great volleyball player, but for who you are as a person. And so am I. Honestly? I couldn’t ask for a better little brother. I’m glad that it’s you. I’m _honored_ that it’s you. And that’s never going to change. I promise.”

Nishinoya stared back at him, completely speechless as he blinked back tears. _No way, I’m not crying over that. Not in front of him, at least. But it’s still... Nobody’s ever said something like that, and so sincerely..._

“Thanks, Suga-san,” he managed after a moment. His voice choked a little on the words. “You know, I always wanted a sibling too. I used to think a lot about what it would be like to have an older brother! But I figured that kinda thing was impossible, right? I was an only kid, after all. But now I do have one.” He paused for a moment, and then the last bits of his hesitation fell away as he stepped forward and hugged Suga tightly. “And he’s awesome! I’m really lucky!”  
  
Suga felt tears sting at his eyes, overcome with emotion, and gently hugged the younger boy back. He smiled as Nishinoya stepped away and gave him a thumbs up. “All right! I’m gonna go find Asahi-san and cheer him up! Thanks for everything, aniki!”

Before Suga could respond, the libero ran back inside. He looked at the door and scrubbed quickly at his eyes, just as Daichi came out and spotted him.  
  
“Hey,” he asked quietly. “Everything okay?”  
  
“Yeah,” he replied with a genuine smile, “Everything is great.”

* * *

Despite Suga’s reassurances, Nishinoya couldn’t help but feel a little on edge as the older boy told their parents about the loss against Aobajousai. There was still a tiny sliver of doubt and fear in his mind.  
  
But Hotaru and Kazuya didn’t look disappointed at all.

“That’s got to be rough... I’m really sorry,” Kazuya said sympathetically. “Hey, it’s okay. I know it might not feel like it right now. But you’re both so strong. It’ll only keep getting better from here, I’m sure of it!” He ruffled Nishinoya’s hair fondly; the second year jumped a bit in surprise, but then relaxed surprisingly fast.  
  
“Thanks, Kazuya-san,” he said awkwardly. “I’m, uh... I’m gonna go study!”

“All right. Take it easy for the rest of the night if you can, okay? You’ve both earned a good rest,” Kazuya smiled.  
  
Nishinoya nodded, turned, and took the stairs to his room two at a time. When he got inside, he threw his bag down and collapsed on his bed with a sigh. The reaction from everyone had been positive, but regardless, the taste of defeat was still bitter.  
  
His phone vibrated against the back of his hand; he blinked warily at it for a moment before he opened it up to see who’d texted him, and then sucked in a sharp breath of surprise.  
  
 ** _> From: Daichi-san_**  
 _> Hey. Don’t be too hard on yourself. We may have lost this one, but it’s not the end for us. And the match was close. a score like that against Aobajousai is nothing to be ashamed of._  
 _> Next time, we’ll get them._  
 _> Thanks for having our backs. I’m proud to say you’re our libero. I wouldn’t want it to be anyone else._

He grinned, bolstered by the praise, and snapped the phone shut before tossing it on his pillow. _Daichi-san’s an amazing guy. All right! Enough moping around! We’ve got so much more ahead of us to get ready for!_  
  
He sat up to change into his pajamas when he paused for a moment, and then reached for his phone once again. _Almost forgot... gotta change it._ He scrolled through his contacts, and opened up Suga’s, then selected the Edit option.  
  
 _> Change Contact Name_  
  
 ** _> Aniki_**

He smiled to himself. _Perfect._

* * *

Being part of the Fukurodani Academy practice matches was exciting -- but the new obstacle that loomed in front of him before Karasuno could even go was absurdly stressful.

 _Exams! Like I wasn’t already a bad enough student, my grades have been slipping again because of all the shit that went down recently. I don’t even remember the last time I studied every day in a week. Focus has been all over the damn place!_   He chewed on his pencil in frustration as he glared down at the open textbook in front of him. _Wish we could do group study sessions every day. Ugh._  
  
His ears perked up when he heard a soft knock at his door. “Hey, it’s me,” Suga called. “Can I come in?”

“Yeah, sure! What’s up?”  
  
“I was wondering if you’d like some help? Not to sound too presumptuous or anything, but--”  
  
“Oh!! Yeah! You’re in college prep classes, right?! That’d be awesome! You sure it wouldn’t be troublesome?”

Suga smiled warmly at him. “Of course not. Come on, I have a nice table in my room we can sit at. And I’ll go grab some drinks for us, too!”

Nishinoya followed him with renewed vigor. _Maybe this studying thing won’t be so bad after all!_

* * *

A few days later, Nishinoya found himself alone in the house with Hotaru; Kazuya was working late, and Suga was doing a cram session with Daichi and some other third years in their contemporary lit class. 

Dinner was a lot quieter with just the two of them, but the awkwardness was gone before too long; he watched her cook and eagerly accepted her offer to let him help. She was gentle and relaxed as she instructed him on how to do things, and as they ate, she asked him all sorts of questions about Fukurodani and studies.  
  
“I’ll help clean up!” Nishinoya announced as they finished.   
  
“Great! Thank you, Nishinoya-kun.”

Washing dishes, Nishinoya found, was oddly relaxing when the kitchen wasn’t a total disaster like his grandparents’ had been. Just a few minutes later, they were done, and everything was as spotless as it had been before they’d started cooking. “Here,” Hotaru said as she peered into the freezer and grabbed something, “Koushi told me you like these, so I bought some!”

“Oh! Soda flavor, too! Thank you!” he said with a smile as he took the garigari-kun. “These things are awesome, they’re my favorite!”  
  
“I’m glad you like it!” she said warmly. “Hey, we haven’t shown you the roof at night yet, have we? Would you like to come up and sit with me?”

“Oh, sure!”  
  
“All right, follow me! It’s a great view,” she smiled. He tried not to fidget as she led him upstairs and up a sturdy ladder; she opened a latch and stepped onto the roof, with the second year close behind.

The stars winked down at them from a clear night sky; he sat cross-legged, and felt strangely comfortable as Hotaru leaned back and looked up at the moon. “I’m glad you seem to be settling in okay,” she said quietly. “We were all really worried about you, especially Koushi.”  
  
Nishinoya looked away, a little embarrassed. “He was?” _Duh! Otherwise he wouldn’t have done all that!_ For some reason, though, hearing it still surprised him.  
  
“Yes, of course! You mean a lot to him, and he thinks so highly of you. I can see why, too. You’re such a wonderful boy. Really, I see a lot of myself in you, when I was younger.”

He looked back over at her, surprise clear on his face. “Really?”  
  
She nodded, and leaned back on her elbows. “Yup. I got into my line of work because I was inspired from experience. One that sounds a little similar to yours, honestly. My parents weren’t too happy when I came home and told them I had a girlfriend one day.”  
  
“Oh,” he said quietly. “Right! You’re like me, right? You like both? Girls and guys?”  
  
“Yeah!” she smiled. “They sure weren’t happy about it, though. I couldn’t go a day without being told I was worthless, afterwards. They were ashamed of me. Nothing I did was good enough for them anymore, and as soon as they felt comfortable with it, they kicked me out of their house.”  
  
Nishinoya’s stomach clenched with uneasiness. “What the hell,” he mumbled angrily. “That’s messed up.”

“Isn’t it? Not their greatest moment. But the guidance counselor at my school was really nice. And the social worker she put me in contact with really opened my eyes. I was in a shelter for a while, but I started studying the kind of work she did, because when it came down to it, she saved my life and helped me find a purpose again. And I wanted to do that for people like me, too.”

“That’s awesome,” Nishinoya said with genuine admiration. “I’m not really good at studying anymore... I used to be a really great student when I was a kid, before... before everything went to hell. But now I can’t seem to focus half as much as I did when I was just starting out.” He looked away, ashamed. “I don’t even know what I wanna do with my life, other than play volleyball.”

“There’s nothing wrong with that at all,” she said soothingly. “Playing volleyball is plenty admirable! Not to mention, you’re so good at it, I wouldn’t be surprised if you went pro. You could definitely get into a university on a volleyball recommendation alone!”   
  
He smiled at the words, and the uneasiness from a moment ago vanished as she kept talking. “And it’s not uncommon for kids to have more trouble with school when they’ve grown up in a bad place... you should ask Koushi about it, he’s really well versed in that sort of thing. He’s been studying it for a long time now.”

“Yeah, he mentioned that before. Is he gonna follow in your footsteps, too?” he asked curiously.  
  
“That’s his plan, yeah. He’s a really sweet kid, isn’t he? Well... young man, I guess. He is turning 18 in a few days.”

“Damn, that’s right! I totally forgot! I’ve still gotta get him a present!”  
  
Hotaru laughed. “Do you want to go shopping tomorrow? I can help you pick something out, if you want!”  
  
“That’d be great! Thank you, Hotaru-san!” He looked away, a little bashful. “For everything, really! It means a lot to me... I’m really grateful!”  
  
She grinned and gave him a thumbs up. “It’s no trouble at all, Nishinoya-kun. You can count on us. No matter what.”  
  
He beamed at her, but then looked back up at the sky, a little thoughtful. “I was wondering... what’s gonna happen to my name? Are you gonna change it from Nishinoya to Sugawara?”  
  
“That’s entirely up to you,” she said kindly. “It’s your decision. I’ll have to do some paperwork with it either way. No pressure, okay? If you want it to stay Nishinoya, we won’t be mad or anything. Just let me know when you’ve decided.”   
  
He looked back at her, and then hugged his knees with a smile. _A house is made of brick and stone, a home is made of love alone._ “Cool. I’ll think about it some more.”  
  
 _I’m finally home._

* * *

_to be continued in part viii_

 


	8. part viii

Nishinoya was pretty sure he had never studied so hard in his entire life.  
  
Suga’s birthday was a welcome reprieve from the hell of hitting the books every night after practice. It was nothing crazy, and a pretty quiet event overall; Daichi and Asahi both came over, and they all ate cake after Suga devoured a huge helping of what might’ve been the spiciest mapo tofu in existence.

Suga liked all of his gifts, but he was certain that the best present was one that hadn’t even been intended as such. Asahi had forgotten where his phone was, and Suga’s and Daichi’s were both upstairs; but Nishinoya’s was laying out in the open, from when he’d been texting Tanaka a few moments earlier.

“Do you mind if I use your phone to call Asahi’s, Nishinoya? Maybe we can hear it vibrate!”  
  
“Yeah, that’s fine! I don’t mind!” he said with a thumbs up as he carried their plates to the sink.

Suga opened the phone and then Nishinoya’s contact list, and paused when he saw the entry right beside Asahi’s.   
  
**_Aniki._**

His smile didn’t fade for the rest of the night.

* * *

The grueling study sessions continued over the next several weeks.

It was two days before their exams started; Daichi sighed and closed his textbook as Suga and Nishinoya got up to get more drinks from the kitchen. Across from him, Asahi looked a little ragged, but he seemed pleased with himself.  
  
“You look way too happy,” Daichi grumbled. “It’s weird.”

“Harsh as ever,” Asahi sighed. “It’s just that studying has been going well. And, um... Noya’s doing a lot better than he was before, even if he’s kind of desperate to pass the exams. So there’s that, too.”

“Yeah, that’s true,” Daichi agreed. “I know I give you a lot of grief, but you’re a good guy. I’m glad you’re there for him. It seems like you’re really helping him a lot.”  
  
Asahi blinked at him, a little surprised. “It’s always so weird when you praise me without some kind of biting remark...”  
  
“You know, I can fix that easily enough,” Daichi glowered. Asahi held his hands up in a placating gesture, and the captain rolled his eyes. “Seriously, though. I know how hard it is, watching someone you care about that much try to move on from a rough past. You’re doing a good job.”

“...Thanks,” Asahi replied quietly. “Do you have any, uh... advice?”  
  
“I don’t think there’s anything I can say that you don’t already know, honestly. It takes a lot of time, and patience, and love. Even years later, sometimes Suga still needs reassurance. Once in a while, he still has anxiety attacks or nightmares. Not as often as before, though, and that’s the important thing.” Idly, he tapped his pencil against the well-worn surface of the table. “Progress has been made. From what he tells me, he’s a hell of a lot better than he was in junior high, before we met him. He’s definitely better than when we all met in our first year.”  
  
Asahi looked thoughtful. “Yeah... So you think Noya will be similar?”  
  
“Well, as long as you don’t pull any more stunts like you did back in March, sure,” Daichi replied a little harshly. Asahi wilted under his gaze. “I don’t think you will, though. Seems like you’ve learned your lesson.”  
  
“Y-yeah,” Asahi said. His voice held a steel that Daichi hadn’t often heard before, despite the stumble over his words. “I’ll be there for him. Even when we go to university.”

Daichi smiled. “Well, it’s not like we’re even going that far away. Still, that’s good to hear. I’m pretty glad he’s got you and Suga, honestly. I don’t really want to think about how his life would be if he didn’t.”

“Yeah... me either,” Asahi whispered. Daichi clapped him on the back.  
  
“Don’t look so down. Things are going well, and they’ll keep getting better. Have some faith, for once.”  
  
It was then that Suga and Nishinoya came back into the room with drinks and snacks, talking excitedly about ideas for practice the following morning. Asahi smiled as he realized that the only bruises Nishinoya had now really were just from volleyball; the happiness on the second year’s face warmed his heart.  
  
Nishinoya caught him staring and smiled back at him. Asahi blushed and averted his eyes, but Nishinoya’s grin just grew wider.  
  
 _Daichi is right. Things really are getting better._

* * *

Exam results come back, and Nishinoya was all at once relieved and stressed out.  
  
His were good enough to pass, he didn’t have to take summer courses as a result, and he could go to the practice matches with Fukurodani Academy without question, which had been his main goal the entire time. Missing out on that training because of his own failure would have been absolutely humiliating.  
  
But he wasn’t sure if his grades would be good enough for the Sugawaras.  
  
Suga was a student in college prep courses, and his grades weren’t top of the class, but they were still pretty damn good. Nishinoya’s were lackluster in comparison, especially considering the fact that he was just in regular classes. Would his parents be disappointed? Angry? Would he be punished? What kind of punishments did they even _use?_  
  
 _Should I do damage control instead of risking it?_ he thought a little wildly. _Like... forging my scores. Ugh, no, that’s stupid! There’s no way I could do that! Even if I did, they’d find out, and then I’d really be in trouble!_

He was on edge for the rest of the day, his mind a hurricane of anxiety and horrible, unpleasant fantasies of how his new parents would react. When he finally ran into Suga outside the gym after their final classes of the day, he almost tripped over nothing, and felt his chest grow uncomfortably tight with tension.  
  
“Hey, Nishinoya!” he waved. “Hm... I was going to ask how your results are, but you don’t look so good. Did you...?”  
  
“I didn’t fail!” he said, a little defensively. “I just...” He fidgeted with the strap of his bag and looked away, uncomfortable and embarrassed. “I still didn’t do that great, though.”  
  
“Oh. _Oh,”_   Suga said with sudden understanding. “Are you worried about getting in trouble?” The younger boy nodded in response, but Suga just smiled and ruffled his hair. “Hey, don’t worry about that. You passed, and that’s the important thing! Your studying paid off, and that’s great. They won’t be mad. Even if you failed, they would be fine with it.”  
  
“How is that _possible?”_   Nishinoya blurted in disbelief.

“Well, you tried. That’s obvious to anyone that’s paying attention. And that’s the important thing, to them. They’re not going to be mad at you when you gave it your best shot. Even if you’d failed, they would just try and find other ways to help.”   
  
Nishinoya stared at him like he’d just said something totally unbelievable. “I mean, that makes sense, when you say it like that, but...”  
  
“Don’t worry about it,” Suga said warmly. “Or... try not to worry about it as much, I guess. I know it’s easier said than done. I’ll be there with you when you tell them about your scores, okay?”  
  
He nodded, and followed the older boy into the gym. At least volleyball could distract him for a while.

* * *

Despite Suga’s calming presence and reassuring words from earlier in the day, Nishinoya still felt his chest tighten uncomfortably as he handed his exams back to Hotaru.   
  
She was quiet for a moment as she looked over them... but then she smiled, genuine and happy. “These are higher than your last scores, right? That’s great! You worked really hard when you studied, and it shows. I’m proud of you, Nishinoya-kun.”

“Really?” he asked quietly. “They’re not that great, though--”  
  
“It’s not fair to you to measure you up against students that have had better resources and homes their entire lives,” she said easily. “I’m not going to be disappointed if you’re not at the top of the class. Besides! You’re so much more than your grades in school.” She reached for him to give him a hug, but seemed to think better of it and dropped her hand awkwardly to her side. “Really, you work hard. What more could we ask for?”  
  
Nishinoya looked at her silently for a moment, and a heartbeat later, stepped forward and wrapped his arms around her.  
  
She seemed surprised, but after a moment, she gently returned the hug; her eyes slipped closed for a moment as she smiled and ruffled his hair a little. “I’m proud of you, Nishinoya-kun. I really, really am.”  
  
From the side, Suga watched with a smile of his own.

* * *

“It seems like he really shines brighter on the court than anywhere else, doesn’t it?” Suga asked. He watched Nishinoya cheer after another incredible receive; Bokuto got so excited about it that he nearly fell over in his enthusiasm, while Tanaka high fived the libero with tears in his eyes.  
  
“Seems like he’s always kind of like that, really,” Daichi said. Casual as can be, he threaded his fingers through Suga’s and ran a thumb over the back of his hand. “Though I’m guessing sometimes it’s more of a front than anything. It seems especially genuine when he’s playing volleyball, though.”  
  
“I wonder if he’ll try to go to the same university as we do,” Suga said quietly. “If we could all keep playing together...”  
  
“Yeah, that would be pretty nice.” He smiled to himself. “If nothing else, I’m glad you and I will probably end up in the same place with Asahi. Kaijo having all the stuff we want to major in is a pretty good stroke of luck.”

“Yeah, that’s true.” The setter was quiet for a moment. “I haven’t talked to Nishinoya about it yet, but I’m wondering what he’s going to do. I think, if he wants to go, he could get in on a volleyball recommendation alone. But I wonder what sort of classes he would take...”  
  
“He probably hasn’t even decided yet. He’s still a second year, after all.” Daichi shrugged. “It might be best not to bring it up for a while, don’t you think?”  
  
“Yeah, I don’t want him to feel like I’m pressuring him, or anything. Time will tell.” He leaned closer, and his shoulder bumped against Daichi’s. “Thanks for being so supportive of him, Daichi. It means a lot to me.”  
  
Daichi squeezed his hand gently. “Hey, no problem. He’s a good kid, and I’m glad he’s got a nice older brother looking out for him now.”  
  
From the court, Nishinoya cheered again when Hinata succeeded with a receive, and Suga’s smile grew even wider.  
  
 _I really think he’s gonna be okay._

* * *

“Training with Nekoma and Fukurodani at the same time is exhausting!” Nishinoya groaned as he pulled a pillow over his face.

Asahi pulled a clean shirt over his head, and Nishinoya pretended like he wasn’t staring. “It is, yeah. But it’s pretty great, right?”  
  
“Hell yeah it is! These are the best practice matches I’ve ever had! Even if I’m so tired I can barely walk,” he said with a grin as Asahi sat down beside him on the bed.  
  
Asahi blinked at him in the darkness, his lips curving up in a small smile as he reached out to gently run his fingers over Nishinoya’s cheek, and then through his hair. The younger boy shivered under the touch, and looked back at Asahi with wonder in his eyes.  
  
“You look, um... you look really nice with your hair down,” Asahi said quietly. “I really like it.”  
  
“Same to you,” he replied after a moment. He hardly hesitated as he reached up with both hands and touched the loose waves of Asahi’s hair falling at his shoulders, and marveled at how soft it was. “You look amazing. I mean, you always do! But your hair is incredible.”  
  
Asahi flushed a little and leaned into the touch as his eyes slipped shut in bliss. “Noya...”  
  
Nishinoya’s hands stalled in their movements as their foreheads touched; he felt Asahi’s breath ghost slowly over his skin, warm and sweet. “Asahi-san... when we’re alone, if you want... you can call me Yuu.”  
  
Asahi’s eyes flew open. “Are... are you sure? Sometimes I almost do it on accident, but I’m never sure if it would bother you--”  
  
“Yeah, of course I’m sure! I wouldn’t say it if I wasn’t, you know.”  
  
“Okay,” Asahi agreed quietly. “Um... you don’t have to add san to the end of my name, you know. If you don’t want to, I mean. You can just... call me Asahi. I know it’s not the same, maybe, but--”  
  
He stopped when he felt the warm press of Nishinoya’s lips against his own, soft but firm. “Relax,” he whispered. “I appreciate it. Thanks, Asahi.”  
  
Asahi melted against him, and held the second year flush against him as he carefully kissed him back. “You mean the world to me, Yuu.”  
  
He could feel Nishinoya smile against his lips. “Right back at you.”

* * *

The training went incredibly smoothly, and Karasuno left with bolstered spirits and renewed confidence despite their repeated losses.  
  
“That was a hell of a learning experience!” Nishinoya grinned as he twirled a pencil between his fingers. He was in Asahi’s room again, and their homework was scattered on the table in front of them. “Kinda wish it wasn’t over so soon, honestly. It was a lot of fun!”  
  
“Yeah. Even if Fukurodani’s captain was a little... overbearing...”  
  
“Aw, Bokuto-san’s a nice guy! You’re just so quiet compared to him,” Nishinoya grinned. The expression on his face faded into something a little more melancholy, and he looked down at the table. “Being there was a nice change of pace, though. You know?”  
  
“Like... a getaway from everything that happened recently?” Nishinoya nodded in response, and Asahi scooted closer to him, near enough that the libero could feel the warmth of his body. Their shoulders knocked against each other briefly as Asahi slipped an arm around him to rub soothing circles on his back.  
  
Nishinoya let his eyes close, and he took a deep breath, then another, and another, before he leaned to the side and wrapped his arms around Asahi. “Sometimes... I think I’ve just been kind of tired,” he said quietly against the older boy’s chest. “‘Cause so much has happened. And it still doesn’t really feel real. But I’ve been here for over a month now, and they haven’t sent me back or even yelled at me once.”  
  
“That’s good,” Asahi said quietly. “You... you like it here, right? Is there anything... bothering you?”  
  
“Oh, yeah! Nothing’s wrong. Not really.” He hesitated. “Except with me, I guess.”  
  
“...What do you mean?” Asahi prompted. His voice was as gentle as his touch.  
  
Nishinoya sighed. “I dunno... I feel bad, I guess. I still get kind of jumpy around Hotaru-san and Kazuya-san, for one. Like, if they move too suddenly, it startles me. And sometimes, I still get the anxiety attacks, you know? But those are at least a little easier, since aniki... uh, Suga-san talked to me about them.”  
  
Asahi ran his fingers through Nishinoya’s hair as he thought of what to say. “Well... it sounds like you’ve gotten better, though, right? A little bit? And that’s... really good. I think they understand... you can’t suddenly get over what happened to you in just a day or two. It doesn’t work that way.”  
  
“But I wish it _did,”_   Nishinoya seethed. “Feels like a weight around my neck. I don’t wanna be looking at shadows my whole life, or be a jumpy mess every time someone makes a sudden noise or something. I already feel disgusting enough just thinking about everything, like... like it’s gonna hang over my head until I die.”  
  
“It won’t,” Asahi said with quiet conviction. “Because I know you, and I know you won’t let it. We’re products of our past, but it doesn’t have to define us.” He turned his body a little so that Nishinoya could fit more comfortably against him; the second year adjusted himself and wound up practically in Asahi’s lap. The taller boy blushed, but kept carding his fingers through Nishinoya’s hair. “You’re so strong, Yuu. And we’ll be here for you... no matter how long it takes.”  
  
Nishinoya felt the hot sting of tears in his eyes, and did his best to blink them away. He was quiet, but squeezed Asahi just a little tighter. The third year was content to just hold him, hoping that he had managed to help at least a little.  
  
“...Thanks, Asahi,” Nishinoya whispered eventually. “I feel better. I feel stronger with all of you, you know? I just hate having to depend on people. It feels weird! I’m not used to it. My grandparents always acted like needing help was the worst thing in the world. Like it made me a piece of shit, or something.”  
  
“They were wrong. About a lot of things.” There was a sureness in his voice that had been present more often lately; Nishinoya felt a spark of pride amidst the other unpleasant emotions he was trying to sort out. “Everybody needs help, once in a while... sometimes, some people need it more than others. You know? Like...” He paused for a moment in thought. “Like, what if instead of you... it was Hinata? Would you think any less of him? Or Suga? Anyone on the team?”  
  
“Hell no! No way.” He sighed in frustration. “Suga-san said something like that, too. I mean, I’m a little better about it now. I guess it just takes time,” he grumbled. “It’s just weird to get used to, I guess.”  
  
“That’s understandable,” Asahi said soothingly. “But it’s okay, too. I’m right here for you... no matter what. You’re not alone. And... and if talking makes you feel better... I’m always willing to listen.”  
  
Nishinoya smiled against Asahi’s shirt. “You know something, Asahi?”  
  
“...What is it?” he asked quietly.  
  
“Despite it all, I feel like the luckiest guy in the world,” he said seriously. “I know that’s gotta sound totally crazy, right? After all the shit my grandparents put me through? But it’s true. The last nine years really sucked. But... but on the bright side, I’ve got a really great family now. I have the best team a guy could ask for. And I’ve got pretty much the perfect boyfriend, so. Yeah. I feel lucky.”  
  
Asahi pressed a tender kiss against his forehead. “I’m glad. I’m... really, really glad.”

“You really don’t mind what a mess I am, do you?” Nishinoya laughed weakly. Asahi opened his mouth to say something, but then decided not to when he realized it was a rhetorical question. The smaller boy raised his head, and pressed a soft kiss to the corner of the third year’s lips. “You’re amazing. I mean it. I... I love you, Asahi. I love you a lot.”  
  
Nishinoya could swear that Asahi’s smile lit up the entire room. “I love you too, Yuu. More than anything.”

* * *

“The Spring High tournament is really soon,” Suga said conversationally as he handed Nishinoya a glass of water. “What do you think?”  
  
“I think we’re gonna do great!” Nishinoya grinned. “Karasuno’s more determined than ever. We’ve got it in the bag, as long as we give it our all!” He took a sip of water, and stared up at the ceiling in thought for a moment. “The only thing is... I’ve been thinking about something.”  
  
“Oh?”  
  
“Yeah. That maybe I could tell the team that we’re brothers, now? I think I’d be okay with them knowing at this point. But I didn’t wanna just go blabbing about it, since it involves you too.”  
  
Suga smiled and ruffled his hair. “Thanks for being so considerate. But you don’t have to worry about me. If you’re okay with them knowing about it, then I am too. Whatever you’re comfortable with.”  
  
Nishinoya’s face split into a wide grin and he nodded. “All right! Then let’s tell them today at practice!” He downed the rest of his water and put the glass in the sink before sprinting to the front door. “Come on, let’s race!”  
  
“All right,” Suga grinned, “you’re on!”

* * *

“Kinda feels like we’re on trial for something,” Tanaka said awkwardly. “Something happen? What’s up, Noya-san?”  
  
The whole team was standing in a loose circle in the center of the gym after school. Most of them looked curious, or slightly concerned -- aside from Tsukishima, who was desperately trying to look as bored as he possibly could.  
  
“It’s nothing bad, Ryuu! Don’t worry about it,” he grinned. “Just figured me and Suga-san could tell you something. Well... you know, some shit went down recently.”  
  
“Like what?” Hinata asked curiously.  
  
“That’s not the important part!” Nishinoya said. “The important thing is that I live with Suga-san now!”  
  
Everyone was quiet for a moment before Kageyama broke the silence.  
  
“So... they... adopted you?”  
  
“Yeah, that’s right!” he said loudly as he pointed at himself with his thumb. “Suga-san and I are brothers now!”  
  
Another beat of silence -- but this time, Hinata was the one to break it.  
  
“That’s _so cool!”_   he yelled. “That’s great! Suga-san must be an awesome big brother! Right?!”  
  
“Yeah, yeah!” Nishinoya said enthusiastically. “He’s amazing!”  
  
Suga was all smiles as Nishinoya kept talking with the team; Daichi walked up to him and casually bumped their shoulders together before leaning in to talk quietly. “So that went pretty smoothly, it seems. Not that I’m surprised.”  
  
“Yeah. Nobody here is really the judgmental type. Except maybe Tsukishima, but I think half of that is just bluster, really.” He sighed happily and stretched his arms above his head. “I’m glad that’s out of the way, to be honest. I think it was wearing on him a little bit, even if he didn’t admit it.”  
  
Daichi hummed his agreement. “Now we can really focus on the Spring High. What was it Nishinoya said this morning?”  
  
“We’re in it to win it,” Suga grinned.

* * *

“Aniki,” Nishinoya said quietly over their textbooks later that night, “what are you gonna do for college?”  
  
Suga looked up from his notes, a little surprised, but it quickly faded into a soft smile. “I’m going to try and get into Kaijo, and focus on psychology and social work, so I can help kids that grew up like we did. It’s only a half hour by train, so not bad at all. I really want people that grew up like us to know that they’re not alone.”  
  
“Oh... so you’re still gonna live here, right? That’s cool.” Nishinoya tapped his pencil against the table a few times as he thought. “Is Daichi-san gonna try and go there, too? Are you guys still gonna play volleyball?”  
  
“Yep! I’m kind of surprised you didn’t ask Asahi about it already, to be honest.” He felt bad; almost immediately, Nishinoya’s expression became troubled. “You were worried about him, weren’t you? Asahi doesn’t want to go anywhere far away. He told me he wants to get into Kaijo too. For writing. And he wants to keep playing volleyball, too.”  
  
“Oh, cool.” He tried to play it casual, but Suga saw right through it.  
  
“Were you worried we’d all go to some huge university hours away?” Suga asked.  
  
“Well, yeah! I mean... it would really suck. April’s not even that far away, if you think about it. I know it’s August, but still.” He twirled his pencil. “Not to sound clingy or anything, but maybe I could play volleyball there after high school, too.”  
  
“That doesn’t sound clingy,” he smiled. “Do you think that’ll be your main goal for university? Not that there’s anything wrong with that,” Suga added quickly. “It’s a good idea! And if you wanted to be on the same team as we were in college, well... not to pressure you into it, but that would be amazing, wouldn’t it?”  
  
“Yeah, I think so too,” Nishinoya said slowly. “I still have like a year and a half to think about it, right? I’ll figure it out.”  
  
Suga smiled warmly. “Whatever you choose, we’ll support you, okay? Don’t forget that. And actually, I was wondering... would you feel comfortable talking to me about things you might have on your mind? I mean, you already have a little, but... maybe, because of the things I study, I could help you a little bit, here and there.”  
  
Nishinoya scratched his chin as he thought about it. “Huh. I mean, I guess! That’s kind of embarrassing... but yeah, you’ve already heard me talk about a lot of that, and I guess I’d rather do that with you than almost anyone else, aside from maybe Asahi-san. But only if it’s no trouble. I don’t wanna be a pain in the ass!”  
  
Suga laughed. “You’re not a pain in the ass. It wouldn’t be a problem at all.”  
  
Nishinoya grinned and gave him a thumbs up. “In that case, sounds good to me. Thanks, aniki.”

* * *

“I’m so proud of him!” Suga said loudly. He buried his face in his pillow, but it still couldn’t contain the way his face practically glowed with joy. “Daichi, he’s come so far in such a short amount of time. It’s amazing.”  
  
“You’re right. He’s a strong guy,” Daichi agreed. “Lucky for him that he’s got such a great older brother, right?”  
  
“I didn’t even do that much, though--”  
  
“Don’t you dare sell yourself short,” Daichi grumbled. “I swear I’ll tickle you. Seriously, you opened a door for him that he wouldn’t have been able to find on his own. Yeah, it wasn’t all you, but without you he would still be living with his grandparents, right? You’ve always wanted to help out kids like you. And you’ve already succeeded before you’ve even left high school.”  
  
Suga was quiet as he sat up; he hugged his pillow to his chest and looked straight into Daichi’s eyes. “Thanks, Daichi. Sorry, I’m just feeling a little sentimental--”  
  
“And not giving yourself enough credit, as usual.” He leaned forward, and pressed a gentle, warm kiss to Suga’s lips. “I want you to believe in yourself, Koushi. There’s no reason that you shouldn’t. Anyone on the team would tell you the same thing.”  
  
Suga’s smile made his heart flutter. _Two years since we started dating, and he still gives me butterflies in my stomach every single day. He’s too gorgeous. Not fair._ “You’re pretty amazing too, Daichi.”  
  
“This isn’t about me--”  
  
“It is now!” Suga laughed as he playfully elbowed the other boy in the side. Daichi yelped a little and held up a pillow to ward off the setter. “You’re like an unsung hero or something. You didn’t see me at my worst, but... you’re still so understanding and patient. At least with me,” he grinned. “You’ve watched me piece myself together bit by bit. And it’s never bothered you or pushed you away. That means a lot to me, you know?”  
  
Daichi flushed a little and looked away; Suga’s grin grew wider, and he looped his arms casually around Daichi’s waist before nuzzling into the side of his chest. “I mean it. The nightmares, the panic, those times where I couldn’t even bring myself to get out of bed... You said you were a lucky man, but really, I feel like I’m the one that lucked out. You’re amazing... I love you so much.”  
  
Gently, Daichi kissed the top of Suga’s head with a smile of his own. “I love you too, Koushi.”

* * *

“Nishinoya-kun, would you mind passing the oil?” Kazuya asked kindly.  
  
“Oh, sure.” Hotaru was working late on a case again, and Suga was at Daichi’s house, so it was just the two of them making dinner together. Nishinoya watched as the older man poked experimentally at the stir-fry he was making. “You’re a really good cook, Kazuya-san.”  
  
“Thanks,” he said warmly, “I try. It’s a skill I picked up during university. I didn’t want to live on instant noodles, but I didn’t have anyone nearby that could cook either, so...”  
  
“What’d you go to school for?” the libero asked curiously.  
  
“Art,” Kazuya smiled. “I’ve loved art since I was a little kid. So I followed my dreams, even though everyone spent years telling me not to.”  
  
Nishinoya wrinkled his nose. “Why the hell would anyone tell you not to?”  
  
“Drawing’s not the most masculine hobby, I guess. And a lot of people don’t think it counts as a ‘real’ career.” He took a sip of tea, and started preparing the mackerel he was going to cook next. “Most of my family wasn’t too impressed by my decision, you know? I was kind of an outcast at home, and everyone at school thought I was weird. But drawing and painting makes me happy, so... I did it anyway, against everyone’s wishes.”  
  
Nishinoya was quiet. “...Was it hard?” he asked after a moment.  
  
Kazuya hummed. “For a while, yeah... definitely. I was pretty much alone when I started university, since my family was so disappointed and angry with me, and I didn’t really have all that many friends at the time. But I’m glad I stayed true to myself. It paid off.” He took another sip of tea. “I made a lot of great friends in my classes. Some of them were like me, and their parents didn’t approve. And I met Hotaru in university, too.”  
  
“Really? Wait, how long have you been together?”  
  
“Well, we met when I was 19, and she was 20, but we didn’t actually start dating until a year after that. So... 15 years, now.” He grinned at Nishinoya’s look of surprise. “We’re kind of young to have teenage sons finishing high school, right? People always seem a little shocked. Not that we mind overly much.”  
  
“That’s so cool,” Nishinoya said, a little awestruck. “What do you do for a job now? You still draw? Or paint?”  
  
“I’m an art teacher, and sometimes I go visit kids in shelters nearby to teach them, too. It’s rewarding work.” He fiddled with the heat on the stove. “You don’t think it’s weird, Nishinoya-kun?”  
  
“No way! I mean, I don’t know how to draw, or anything. But that’s cool! I don’t care if it’s not macho, or whatever. And I think... I think it’s really cool that you’re a teacher, and you help kids. That’s awesome.”  
  
Kazuya smiled. “Thanks, Nishinoya-kun. You know, I’ve never been good at sports, but even if I can’t play them myself, I think what you and Koushi do is amazing. You can tell that you’re really dedicated to it, and your talent is a result of years of hard work and a deep love of the game. That’s pretty admirable, too.”  
  
Nishinoya’s smile was genuine and bright. The conversation continued easily as they finished cooking and ate together.  
  
With each smile, and each kind word, Nishinoya felt just a little more at ease.

* * *

“I’ve been thinking about what aniki told me, about his college goals and stuff,” Nishinoya said quietly. He was in his bed, sprawled in Asahi’s lap with his back to the older boy’s chest; Asahi had his arms wrapped loosely around the libero’s waist.  
  
“Oh?”  
  
“Yeah. Like, he really wants to help people like me and him, you know? And I kinda wanna do that too, but all I know how to do is play volleyball. I’m not all that great at academic stuff, so I don’t think I could do it the same way he does. But I had an idea anyway.”  
  
“Like what?” Asahi asked, clearly curious.  
  
“Well, I wanna go pro. I wanna play volleyball for as long as I can. And if I can do that, maybe I can like... blog about stuff? Since... a lot of kids use the internet. And just... let ‘em know they’re not alone and all that.” His voice got a little louder as he got more animated and excited about the subject. “And so if I can make something of myself, maybe I can be a good example. And I could be a coach when I retire!”  
  
A wide smile curved at Asahi’s lips. “That’s a really great idea, Yuu.”  
  
“You think so?” He flushed a little. “I dunno if it sounds like a cop-out, or something...”  
  
“It doesn’t sound like that at all,” Asahi said reassuringly. “You’d be helping people with your own talents, in your own way... that’s really amazing. I mean...” He was quiet for a moment while he thought; Nishinoya leaned into him, content to bask in his warmth. “It would have made a difference to you, and maybe to Suga... right? So I’m sure that’d be a big help to a lot of kids, and... and spread awareness? That’s really admirable.”  
  
Nishinoya grinned as he rolled out of Asahi’s lap and pulled the older boy down on top of him. “Glad you think so! Hey, we’d make an interesting pair, right? A dashing libero and a writer with a glass heart?”  
  
Asahi blinked down at him; insecurity darkened his expression with worry. “You don’t think it’s... stupid, do you? That I want to write for a living?”  
  
“Nah, it suits you,” Nishinoya said reassuringly. “It’s not something I would do. But that doesn’t mean it’s the wrong choice. It’s better to do things that would make you happy, if you can!” He leaned up and kissed the other boy with a smile. “I’d rather see you enjoying life than slaving away at an office job or something. So I’m all for it! Just don’t become a hermit or anything,” he laughed.  
  
With a small smile of his own, Asahi lowered himself to one side of the bed and carefully took Nishinoya into his arms in a gentle embrace. “Thanks for... being so supportive,” he whispered.  
  
“Are you kidding? I should be the one saying that to you. You’ve been so damn patient with me while I try and basically piece myself back together. You could’ve just dropped me for good. You could’ve just walked away when I told you everything. But you didn’t.”  
  
“Of course I didn’t, I could never--”  
  
“I know,” Nishinoya said gently. He glowed with quiet happiness. “That’s why I told you in the first place. Because I trust you.”  
  
Asahi flushed as his lips curved into a smile before he kissed the smaller boy, tender and careful as ever. “I’m... I’m glad. I’ll always support you... no matter how long it takes for... for the nightmares and all of that to completely go away.”  
  
“That’s great, but... what if they never do?” Nishinoya asked quietly.  
  
“I’ll still be here anyway,” Asahi said, his words laden with promise. “Suga said... they might never go away entirely, but over time, it gets easier and easier if you have support. That you can live a happy and fulfilling life. And I... I want to make that a reality for you.”  
  
Nishinoya was quiet for a moment as he stared into Asahi’s eyes. “Thanks. For real. That’s kind of like why I thought I could post on the internet. So that other people like me know they’re not alone. ‘Cause honestly, sometimes, that was the hardest part of all, was feeling like it was me against the world.”  
  
“I know you can do it,” Asahi whispered against his cheek. “You’ve already helped me a lot... you inspire me. Every day, you make me want to try harder, and be brave... I know you can do that for other people too. There’s no doubt in my mind about it.” Nishinoya could feel him smile against his skin. “You’ll be the best senpai ever.”  
  
The libero grinned and kissed Asahi in response, full of hope and optimism.  
  
 _It’s not all smooth sailing yet, but that’s all right. It’ll keep getting better._  
  
 _I’ll keep moving forward.  
  
And I'll make the world a better place._

* * *

_to be continued in part ix -- finale._

 


	9. ix - epilogue

The rest of the school year seemed to go by in a blur.  
  
Nishinoya’s 17th birthday was completely different than all the ones he’d had before he started going to Karasuno, and little did he know, it would even manage to top how he’d spent his 16th with Asahi and his mother. He hadn’t been entirely sure of what to expect; would they celebrate it at all? Was he supposed to ask for things, or was that rude? Would it be just another normal day, with no fanfare? Would he go over to Asahi’s house again?  
  
Suga solved the dilemma for him by telling him the night before that after practice, they were all going to meet up at Asahi’s house to have a small party.   
  
“Don’t worry about anything,” he promised with a smile. “We’ve got it all taken care of. It’ll be great!”  
  
And when they got there the next day... there was a huge cake, just like last year, baked by Azumane-san. But the main difference this time was the presence of everyone else; their entire team, his parents, and Azumane-san herself all crowded into the tiny kitchen as they shared cake and gifts, and had the time of their lives.  
  
“So what do you think?” Asahi asked quietly. They were sitting on his bed after everyone else had left, enjoying a quiet moment as the clock neared midnight. Nishinoya was in his lap, his back to Asahi’s chest as they watched television together.  
  
“I think... nah. I _know_ today was perfect!” Nishinoya’s smile made Asahi’s heart flutter pleasantly in his chest. “This birthday even managed to top last year, and that’s saying something. Spending that one with just you and your mom was already awesome, but this one was incredible.”  
  
Asahi kissed the back of his head with a smile. “I’m glad... you deserve the best we can give you, you know?” He closed his eyes, content and happy. “Just think about how great the holidays will be.”

* * *

For the first time, the winter months were a real source of joy for the libero. Christmas and New Year’s were particularly special: he spent them with his family, and with Asahi.  
  
As the last few minutes of December 31st ticked away on the clock, he sat on the roof of Asahi’s house, cuddled up next to the older boy in a warm blanket. An old, tiny radio was perched over the door leading back down to the house, counting down closer to the new year -- and to Asahi’s birthday.  
  
“I’m glad you’re here with me, Yuu,” he said softly as they both looked up at the sky. “This is... this is perfect.”

“Yeah, I think so too.” Beside them, the radio began counting down the last minute until the clock struck midnight. “Wouldn’t wanna be anywhere else right now.”  
  
 _“Six... Five... Four...”_   The voice on the radio became more and more excited as the countdown drew closer to zero. Asahi looked down at Nishinoya, who grabbed him by the collar and pulled him closer; their lips met the moment the announcer said _“Zero! Happy New Year!”,_ and suddenly the sky was awash with bright color as the fireworks began.   
  
The kiss was long, but soft, a source of warmth against the chill of the winter night. As they broke away, Nishinoya looked at Asahi’s face with a sense of wonder, and admired the way all the bright colors in the sky splashed against his skin.  
  
“Happy new year, Yuu,” Asahi smiled.  
  
Nishinoya’s grin was as bright as the fireworks themselves. “And happy birthday, Asahi.”

* * *

The reality of the third years going onto university seemed to come barreling towards everyone much more quickly than they’d anticipated. Like they’d planned, Daichi, Suga and Asahi all went to Kaijo University nearby for their respective studies -- and they all joined the volleyball team as well. Their absence felt like a gaping hole in the team at first, especially to the new third years that had been playing with them for their entire high school career until that point.  
  
But the dark cloud wasn’t there for long.  
  
“All right!” Nishinoya roared as the new first years lined up nervously. “This is the start of a brand new year! Let’s make our senpais proud!” Amidst the cheers, Hinata asked him a question.  
  
“Do you think they’ll come watch our games sometimes?”  
  
Nishinoya’s grin was contagious. “No doubt! Let’s practice hard so we can show them what we’re made of!”  
  
Sure enough, at their very first match, the three university freshmen were on the sidelines, excitement clear on their faces. And it was far from the last time they’d show up, as well.

* * *

Their studying habits hadn’t changed too terribly much. Since they all still lived at home, Nishinoya was still able to study alongside the three of them and ask for help, or just spend time with them in general -- and when they were busy, he didn’t hesitate at all to hang out with the other third years on his team.  
  
“Hey, your grades are getting better and better,” Suga smiled. “You’ve been working pretty hard, Yuu. It really shows.”  
  
“Thanks! Especially for all the help, even though you’re in university now,” he grinned. “I don’t even have to worry about failing exams anymore! Well... not as much as I did last year, anyway.”  
  
Suga ruffled the younger boy’s hair, and they went downstairs together to grab snacks.  
  
Even if they didn’t go to the same school anymore, life was still pretty damn good.

* * *

“Let’s do something special today!”

Nishinoya was full of energy as he pulled Asahi along behind him after classes and practice had ended. It was already getting late, but it wasn’t a deterrent to either of them -- especially since it was a very special night in particular.  
  
Their one year anniversary.  
  
“Did you have something in mind?” Asahi asked with a soft smile.  
  
“Yeah! Let’s go back to the river!” The libero twined their fingers together as he kept the lead; Asahi was all too happy to follow him. “It’d be nice going back there, right? Since that’s where I first asked you out!”  
  
“I think so too,” Asahi agreed easily. In the hand that wasn’t holding Nishinoya’s, he held a bag of snacks and drinks. “You really don’t mind not doing anything, um... more extravagant?”  
  
Nishinoya laughed. “Nah. I’m a simple guy! You know that!”  
  
It didn’t take long for them to get there; with a whoop, Nishinoya slid down the slope towards the area under the bridge, laughing the entire way as Asahi jogged after him. The area was still quiet and secluded, much the same as it had been last year; but now, tiny blue flowers dotted the grass where they sat.  
  
Their knees gently knocked together as Asahi passed Nishinoya his share of their dinner, and the younger boy leaned into him with familiar ease as he opened his drink. “This really takes me back,” Asahi said quietly as he looked out over the water. “We’ve... come a long way since last year, haven’t we? Especially you.”  
  
“Yeah, that’s true. Things are a lot better now, huh? But I miss playing with you, aniki and Daichi-san. Not that I don’t like the other people on our team, but it’s just... weird.”  
  
Asahi smiled. “Yeah, I know what you mean. I... I still feel sort of weird, when I see the libero on our team sometimes. It catches me off guard, because I think I sort of... expect you to be there? Instead of him.”  
  
Nishinoya laughed, and shoved him a little, playful and happy. “Hey, though, didn’t you say he’s in his final year? Starting next year, I’m gonna take your team by storm!”  
  
“I’m looking forward to it,” Asahi said earnestly. “We all are... sometimes we talk about you at practice. Everyone already knows who you are, and the things you’ve accomplished... they can’t wait for Karasuno’s Guardian Deity to become their own.”  
  
Nishinoya flushed; his blush spilled down his neck, into the dip of his collarbones as he looked away. “That’s... that’s a little _excessive...”_  
  
“It really isn’t, though.” Asahi leaned down, and kissed him softly on the cheek. “More than half of them had already heard of you before we ever brought you up... you’ve been making a name for yourself since junior high. You’re extremely skilled... your dedication and charisma will take you a long way. There’s a reason that you’re already being scouted, you know?”  
  
Nishinoya’s ears turned faintly pink, and he looked at the water, bashful but pleased. “That _is_ pretty awesome, huh? I’m barely into my third year!”  
  
“Yeah,” Asahi smiled. “University is great... but it’ll be really exciting when you join us. And... there’s no doubt in my mind, or anyone else’s, that you’ll go pro afterwards.”  
  
Nishinoya wrapped his arms around Asahi, so suddenly that the taller boy nearly spilled his drink. His smile and his laughter were contagious; Asahi found himself mirroring his boyfriend’s expression as he placed another chaste kiss on his forehead.  
  
The libero grabbed him by the collar, a playful smirk on his face as he brought Asahi down to eye level. “You’re a pretty smooth talker, aren’t you, Asahi?”  
  
And then, Asahi was too busy being kissed to protest.

* * *

Nishinoya put his textbook down, closed his eyes, and focused on his breathing. _Slow... slow. In... and out._ He took another deep breath, and looked around the room to take in tiny details. _Five pieces of furniture. The carpet looks really soft. It’s two different colors. Slow. In... and out._  
  
After several minutes, his heartbeat felt like it was back to normal, and the terror surging through his veins subsided. A year ago, his first reaction would have been shame, and it would have taken three times as long for the panic to end.  
  
But that was then, and this was now. He smiled a bit shakily. It was the first anxiety attack he’d had in weeks, and he’d managed to ground himself enough to keep it from getting worse, and stop it completely. He’d made progress.  
  
He reached for his phone to text Asahi. The story they were studying about a kid being mistreated could go unread. He’d just get the summary online or something.  
  
 _No shame in that,_ he thought firmly.  
  
The best part was, he actually, finally believed it.

* * *

For his senior year of high school, Nishinoya’s 18th birthday was at his house.  
  
Just like last year, everyone came over -- including Azumane-san. Having all of the old Karasuno team together, along with the new first years, was extremely nostalgic and relaxing, even as Hinata somehow ended up with cake smeared all over his face.  
  
Kazuya handed Nishinoya another drink as Hinata desperately tried to wipe the icing from his skin just a few feet away; he patted the libero on the shoulder, and the boy beamed up at him, genuinely happy and at ease.  
  
“Thanks, dad! I’m gonna go say hi to Azumane-san, I haven’t talked to her much tonight!”  
  
“Okay,” Kazuya smiled, “there’s more in the fridge if you get thirsty.”  
  
Nishinoya gave him a thumbs up and then walked to the living room, where Asahi’s mother was sitting on the couch drinking tea. He plopped down beside her and took a sip of his own drink. “Hey, Azumane-san!”  
  
“Oh, hi, dear! How does being 18 feel?” Azumane-san asked with a warm smile.   
  
Nishinoya was wearing the scarf she’d given him more than a year ago; idly, his hands bunched up in the warm fabric as he beamed at her. “It’s great! But it feels a little weird, I guess. I don’t feel like an adult yet!”  
  
“Really? Well, either way, I think you’re an amazing young man, for what that’s worth,” she said kindly. He showed no hesitation when he closed the distance between them and hugged her with his free arm; she laughed, delighted, and returned the embrace.  
  
“Thanks for everything, Azumane-san! And thanks for coming over with Asahi tonight!”  
  
Her smile was so bright that it could have lit up the night sky. “Anything for you, dear. It’s no trouble at all.”

* * *

As Christmas and New Year’s approached once more, Nishinoya found himself deep in thought about his ideas from the previous year, until he finally decided on a course of action.  
  
“Hey,” he said conversationally. He was sitting in Asahi’s lap on the floor of the Sugawara living room; the Christmas party was finally winding down. “Remember when I talked about blogging about stuff, last year?”  
  
“Oh, yeah.” Asahi tucked a stray strand of hair behind his ear, and rested his chin on Nishinoya’s head. “What about it?”  
  
“I was thinking about when I should start doing it. You know? Like, maybe I should wait until after university, so I can be totally sure that it won’t affect my career or anything. I don’t wanna get widely known for that before I get signed on somewhere. But that’s so far away, too. Four and a half years is too damn long.”  
  
Asahi hummed. “That is pretty far away... did you come up with a solution?”  
  
“You bet!” He shoved half a cookie into his mouth, but kept talking. “Figure I can use an alias and just get started now, you know? And then when I’m all signed on to a pro team or whatever, I can post up a picture of myself.”  
  
“Like a superhero,” Asahi laughed. “That’s a good idea.”  
  
“I think so too!” He took a swig of melon soda and sighed happily. “I’m looking forward to university. Never thought I’d say something like that when I was younger, but there you go. But I’ll miss Karasuno, too. Ugh! It’s weird to think about. Probably sounds weird, too.”  
  
“That doesn’t sound weird at all... it makes perfect sense,” Asahi said with a small smile. “You can still see Karasuno play after you graduate, if nothing else... it hasn’t stopped us, after all.”  
  
Nishinoya relaxed against the older boy and closed his eyes, content and at ease. “Yeah. I like the sound of that.”

* * *

The night of December 31st found them both on the roof of Asahi’s house once again.  
  
“You’re not bored with this, are you?” Nishinoya asked quietly. They were sharing a large, warm blanket; Nishinoya adjusted it for a moment as he leaned over to fiddle with the dial on the old radio so the announcer could be heard more clearly. “I mean, it’s the same thing we did last year.”  
  
“Oh... um, I don’t mind. I really like it, honestly...” Asahi put his arm across Nishinoya’s shoulders and held him close as he covered himself back up with a shiver. “...Is it okay with you? You could be doing anything else, but...”  
  
“Are you kidding me? Of course it’s okay with me! I wouldn’t be here otherwise.” The libero elbowed his boyfriend playfully; Asahi yelped and couldn’t help but pout a little. “I like parties and stuff like everyone throws around Christmas, but I like this kinda thing too. It’s... nice. Feels meaningful.” He closed his eyes, and took a deep breath; for a moment, all he focused on was the warmth of the boy next to him. “It’s peaceful,” he continued quietly. “Everyone’s always reflecting about the past and the future on New Year’s Eve, right? And even when I haven’t wanted to, I’ve always done it too. Can’t seem to help it.”  
  
“Yeah... me too,” Asahi agreed quietly. “Is it... better, now? Than it used to be?”  
  
“Obviously!” Nishinoya laughed. “It was always miserable before last year. Especially back when I thought the only way out was by trying to run off or something.” Almost absentmindedly, he nuzzled into Asahi’s arm, relishing the warmth of the other boy in the cold evening. “But now I can look back and think, hey, as bad as all that was, I got out. And things got better. A _lot_ better. And now I’m happy.”  
  
Asahi hummed, and kissed him gently on the ear. “I knew you could do it, Yuu. You’ve come a really long way... I’m proud of you. Everyone is.”  
  
Nishinoya flushed a little, but smiled. “I guess I have come a long way, huh? Even if I’m still not totally over it...”  
  
“That’s okay, though,” Asahi whispered soothingly. “It’s... it’s good to focus on the positive, right? You’re happy now... with people that love you. And you’ve healed a lot, and have so much ahead of you, too... and you even have an idea of how to help others. So...”  
  
“Yeah, you’re right. Thanks,” he said bashfully. “Sorry, I guess I can be kind of shortsighted sometimes. Don’t tell anyone, I have an image to maintain,” he grinned. “I’m proud of you too, though. I don’t say that enough.”  
  
Asahi flushed as his lips curved into a smile. “You tell me that a lot, though. In various ways, but... I’ve always known. You’re a really affectionate person, in your own way.”  
  
“Hey, what’s that supposed to mean?” Nishinoya asked, his tone teasing.  
  
“It’s a compliment!” Asahi chuckled. “It’s, um... it’s one of the things I’ve always really loved about you.”  
  
“Smooth as ever, huh?” To the side, the announcer on the radio began counting down the final seconds of the year. “Hey, want a repeat of last year?” he asked with a suggestive eyebrow wiggle.  
  
Asahi blushed again. “Oh, I kind of figured that was part of the plan already--”  
  
Nishinoya’s fist bunched up in his collar as he pulled his boyfriend down to eye level. “Well, why wait til the end of the countdown? Let’s get an early start,” he smirked against his lips.  
  
They lost themselves in a kiss as fireworks burst into the sky, colorful and loud just as they’d been the year before. As Asahi cradled his face, his lips tender and gentle, Nishinoya felt like he’d never been more at peace.  
  
 _I don’t think I’ll ever get tired of this._

* * *

Nishinoya stared at the screen of his laptop with a furrowed brow.  
  
He figured that blogging wouldn’t be that difficult, especially since he’d be pretty much anonymous while he was doing it. But starting, he figured, was probably the most difficult part. _So once that’s outta the way, it’ll be smooth sailing! Or... smoother sailing, I guess. Might be easier than it sounds._  
  
He chewed absently at his bottom lip as he practically glared at the signup screen. _What the hell kind of username should I make? I’m no good at this._ His fingers hovered over the keys for what felt like forever. _It’s gotta be something cool, but related to me, too. And I’m plenty cool, right? So why is this so hard?!_  
  
 _...Wait. Bingo._  
  
 **> Username:**  
 **thedefiantcrow**  
  
He smiled to himself as he clicked Sign Up. The page loaded after a moment, leaving him with a blank and empty dashboard. _Time to spice stuff up a little, I guess. Uh... themes...? What the hell are those? And an icon... huh._  
  
For a while, he just messed around with the settings of the new blog, and did his best to make it look cool without giving too much about himself away. _Wait, what should I say my name is, though? ...I guess Crow works for now._  
  
He took a deep breath as he clicked the button to make a new text post. _Aniki already told me about how the tagging system works on this site, so... now I just need to actually start writing. Ugh! I already spent so much time thinking about it, and it’s still hard!_  
  
With a groan, he leaned back and stared up at the ceiling. _Introducing myself first is probably best. Then just... encouragement, for now._ He sat up again and hunched over his keyboard, forced himself to relax, and then began to type. He took his time, then read it and reread it just to make sure it was up to his standards. It ended up taking a while, and being a little on the lengthy side, but he found the real difficulty came when he was ready to actually post it.  
  
 _They won’t know who I am. Still. Never really told anyone details aside from aniki and Asahi... but I already committed to this. I’m doing it. Just gonna post it before I can psyche myself out!_  
  
He clicked the button, and when he saw that it successfully posted, he immediately shut his laptop, probably with a little more force than was really necessary. Two steps and a jump later, he was sprawled out over his bed, face buried in his pillow as he tried not to think too hard about it.  
  
 _I’ll check it tomorrow and keep writing. And maybe seek out some kids that need encouragement, like aniki suggested._ With a grin, he reached for his phone and flipped it open to text Asahi.  
  
 _Feels like a hell of a big step..._  
  
 _I’m proud of myself._

* * *

“Yuu, would you like to go to the grocery store with me? We’re running a bit low on a few things,” Kazuya said as he peered into the kitchen cabinets.  
  
Nishinoya was at the table, with an open textbook along with a mostly-empty glass of water and a half eaten pork bun in his hand. “Huh? Sure, sounds great! Ooh, can we get some cereal?”  
  
“I don’t see why not,” Kazuya smiled as he grabbed his keys from the counter. “You’ve more than earned it. You’re working harder than ever these days.”  
  
Nishinoya beamed as he followed him and slipped his shoes on at the doorway. _Best dad ever._  
  
“How’s your blog coming along?” the older man asked as he turned on some peaceful instrumental music and put his seatbelt on. “It’s been a few weeks since you started it, right?”  
  
“Yeah! It’s great so far!” he replied enthusiastically. “Some kids started sending me messages and talking to me, just venting and stuff mostly... they said I made them feel a lot better, though!”  
  
“That’s great!” Kazuya said with a smile as he turned onto another street. “That’s incredible. Doesn’t it feel good, too?”  
  
“Hell yeah it does! I never thought I could do anything like this when I was younger. So, uh... thanks. For giving me the tools to do it, I guess.”  
  
Kazuya stopped the car at a red light, and took the moment of stillness to look at the high schooler and ruffle his hair playfully. “No problem. I’m proud to call you my son, you know? And so is your mom. We’re really honored to be your parents.”  
  
Nishinoya flushed a little, and stared out the window as Kazuya began driving again. “Thanks,” he said quietly. “You’re both awesome, you know that?”  
  
“We do our best. But I’m glad you think so,” the artist laughed.  
  
A few minutes later, they pulled into the grocery store parking lot. Shopping was always something Nishinoya enjoyed; his parents found it endearing. As they collected everything on their shopping list, Kazuya also made it a point to grab two boxes of Nishinoya’s favorite cereal.  
  
“Two?” he asked with a surprised smile. “But, that’s expensive--”  
  
“Don’t worry about it,” Kazuya laughed. “It’s a shame that they don’t sell the really good stuff here. Someday, I’ll have to import a couple boxes of American cereal. It’s the stuff of dreams.”  
  
After Kazuya paid for their things, Nishinoya helped him get it in the car; as they drove back, they kept talking about the future, and the libero found that not a single moment of it felt awkward or forced.

* * *

As his final year of high school wore on, Nishinoya got more and more serious about his studies.  
  
To the people who’d known him since his first year, it was a little strange. But it was the main way he spent time with Asahi and Suga, and he was insistent that he wanted to have his grades to fall back on in case he didn’t get a volleyball recommendation to Kaijo.  
  
Anyone he said it to thought it was ridiculous; who _wouldn’t_   want a libero as famous as he was on their team? But even with his confidence in his own skills, and the knowledge that most of the Kaijo lineup already knew and talked about him, he studied almost every day -- which, while it wasn’t as much as his more studious classmates, was still a pretty big shift from how he acted as a first year.  
  
“It’s the principle of the thing,” he said to Asahi one night as he chewed on the end of his pencil. “Besides, I figure it’ll make university a little less terrible if I don’t go in with no idea what I’m doing in class, right? Even if I get in because of volleyball, I still have to pass my exams, or they’ll kick me out.”  
  
“That’s true,” Asahi agreed. “I think you’ll be just fine, though... don’t push yourself too hard.”  
  
Nishinoya laughed. “Don’t worry, I’m not trying to be top of the class or anything! As long as I can pass, that’s good enough for me, now that I know my parents won’t disown me if I just do my best.”  
  
Asahi put down the paper he’d been working on. “Are... are you worried about failing, sometimes?”  
  
Nishinoya went still for a moment as he considered his answer. “I’d be lying if I said no. Sometimes I still get all worked up about it. What if I failed an exam? What if my parents got mad? What if I disappointed you and aniki? What if I proved my grandparents right?”  
  
Asahi moved closer to him; he reached out, and gently touched his arm as he spoke. “...Prove them right? What do you mean?”  
  
Nishinoya’s laugh was a little strained, burdened with bad memories. “One of the main reasons I went to Karasuno was because they didn’t wanna send me anywhere further away. They said I’d just fail anyway. So it wasn’t worth the trouble. They said stuff like that to me a lot, over the years.” He looked down at his math homework, disgust clear on his face. “I just don’t wanna prove them right. I hate studying, but I don’t wanna fail. For a lot of reasons, but especially for that. And I don’t want to cause trouble for my parents or you guys once I’m on the Kaijo team.”  
  
“...That makes sense, but. I mean... I don’t think failing an exam would prove them right at all... it sounds like they assumed you would fail no matter what. But... you’re a third year now, right? And you’re definitely going to university with us. I _know_   you’re going to get in. So really, haven’t you already proven them wrong?” Asahi’s lips curved into a small smile as he gently kissed Nishinoya on the temple. “You’ll be okay.”  
  
Nishinoya grinned, pulled him down by the collar, and kissed him right on the mouth. “Thanks for believing in me, Asahi.”  
  
Asahi laughed a little. “Of course. How could I _not_ believe in you? You’re... amazing, Yuu. You really, really are.”  
  
A light flush rose to Nishinoya’s cheeks. “There’s all that flattery, again. You’re so good at that.”  
  
Asahi’s smile was radiant. “It’s not flattery. Just the truth.”

* * *

Two weeks later, Nishinoya was officially invited to attend Kaijo University and become a part of their volleyball team’s starting lineup.  
  
For the first time in his life, he wasn’t ashamed of the tears that prickled at the corners of his eyes as he cheered and hugged Asahi with all of his strength.  
  
High school was almost over, but his life was just beginning.

* * *

Graduation day held a lot of surprises.  
  
“Yuu!” Hotaru’s voice rang out over the school grounds; she smiled and waved at him, and as he jogged over, he realized there was a stranger with her, Kazuya, Suga and Asahi. “Yuu, we’re so proud! I hope you don’t mind that I brought someone else to meet you; this is my sister, Tachibana Aoi.”  
  
Nishinoya blinked, then smiled and bowed politely before holding out his hand to shake. “Nice to meet you, Tachibana-san!”  
  
“The pleasure’s all mine,” she said warmly.   
  
“She’s been so busy for the last couple years, and out of the country so much, that she hasn’t really gotten a chance to stop by. But we thought this would be a good time to introduce you,” Suga said. “She’s the one that introduced me to mom, back when I was still in junior high!”  
  
“Oh, that’s awesome!” Nishinoya smiled. “I’ve heard a lot about you. You’re pretty cool.”  
  
“Oh my, what a nice boy,” Aoi giggled. “You’re incredible, aren’t you? Hotaru tells me you’re going to the same university as your brother, to play volleyball. She said your skills as a player are widely known, even outside of our prefecture.”  
  
Nishinoya blushed a little, but smiled, obviously pleased. “Well, I don’t know about that... but I am going to the same university as aniki!”  
  
“He’s surprisingly modest,” Suga said with a laugh.  
  
“That’s true,” Asahi agreed with a smile of his own. Nishinoya pouted a little, and Asahi put a warm hand on his shoulder. “It’s not a bad thing, though.”  
  
“Look--”  
  
“Excuse me... Yuu?”  
  
The group turned in unison to see a slender man that was about the same height as Kazuya, dressed like a businessman. His hair was close-cropped and dark, and his eyes were strikingly familiar. “Yuu... it’s me.”  
  
Nishinoya stared at him for a moment, and opened his mouth, but hesitated, like he wasn’t sure what to say. “...Father.” The word was stiff and uncomfortable, full of reluctance. “It’s been like, what... five years since your last visit? Six? What are you doing here?” he asked, the words laced with underlying anger.  
  
“I came to apologize.” He bowed deeply. “I’ve been a bad father to you for your entire life... but I wanted to at least tell you today that I’m sorry, and that I’m happy you’re doing well. I’ve been a terrible parent, but... I’m glad you managed without me.”  
  
Tension drew the libero’s shoulders tight with anger. “You’re not my dad anymore,” Nishinoya said simply. “He is.” He pointed behind his shoulder with his thumb towards where Kazuya was standing. “You’ve got some nerve, huh?” Asahi squeezed his shoulder lightly, a steadying presence as he continued talking. “Still, showing your face to me like this takes some guts, I’ll admit. But honestly? I don’t know if I’ll ever totally forgive you.”  
  
The older man nodded solemnly. “I understand... that’s only fair, after all.”  
  
“But all the same... thanks. It’s nice to have some closure, I guess.” He held his hand out, and his biological father paused for a moment before he shook it.  
  
“I wish I could change what I’ve done... I’m sorry, Yuu.”  
  
Nishinoya sighed. “Anyone looking at you can see that you mean it. But those words are meaningless if all you do is say them to me and just walk away after this.” He crossed his arms. “I’m happy now. I don’t have regrets, but that’s thanks to all the people standing behind me, and not you... you want forgiveness?” He paused for a moment, then took a step closer. “Then do something for kids still in the situation I was in. Donate to a shelter or something. Don’t just go home after this and pretend like you’re absolved.”  
  
He stared at Nishinoya for a moment, open-mouthed with shock, before it vanished under the weight of a tired, remorseful smile. “You’re a strong guy now, huh? But I guess you always have been, even if it’s no thanks to me... I’ll see what I can do. Thank you for speaking with me. I’m proud of you.”  
  
He bowed again, and Nishinoya nodded before the older man turned and walked away. The group watched as he went; the talking of other students and families had become mere background noise, unnoticeable in the importance of the moment.  
  
Finally, Nishinoya turned back to face the people behind him; he smiled and gave them a thumbs up.  
  
“I know who my real family is,” he grinned, “and they’re standing right in front of me.”

* * *

It was the first game of the new season.  
  
The bright lights of the court and the anticipation of the crowd made him feel charged and electric, but nothing made him feel as alive as walking out in his brand new uniform alongside his teammates. Suga, Daichi, and Asahi were solid presences at his side, dependable and steady, familiar supports as he went into the unknown.  
  
And everyone in the stadium knew who he was.  
  
Suga leaned down a bit to whisper to him. “Are you ready?” he asked with an excited smile.  
  
The libero gave him an enthusiastic thumbs up. “You bet! I was born for this!”  
  
As they prepared for the match with their warmups, the whispers of the crowd were like rippling waves, growing louder and louder as many of them looked at magazine articles and packets about the players.   
  
“That libero for Kaijo is the only first year on the court!” one man near the front said in awe. “That’s crazy! He must be insanely good! Oh, wow, he’s from Karasuno High School, just like the second years. Wait...” He peered closer at the roster list. “Is he... I think he’s the setter’s brother, too?”  
  
“Huh? Really?” His friend leaned over to look, and peered at the entry with a critical eye. “But they don’t look anything like each other, do they?”  
  
“No, seriously, look!” He pointed down at the article. “Right there, see?”  
  
“...Oh, wow. No kidding.” Sure enough, in bold, blocky print, their names were right beside each other.  
  
 ** _Setter - Sugawara Koushi,_** _2nd Year_  
 ** _Libero - Sugawara Yuu,_** _1st Year_  
  
“It seems like they went to different junior highs, for some reason? But that libero’s been dominating the scene since he started playing! He’s even won awards... Kaijo’s probably gonna go insanely far for the next four years! This is awesome!”  
  
The excitement of the crowd grew to monumental proportions as the two teams lined up. The whistle blew, and adrenaline flooded through Yuu’s veins as the first serve went into the air.  
  
 _I’ve come so far, and now, I’m only gonna go further. I have a brother and a mentor at my side, an ace that I love more than anything in front of me, and family that won’t ever let me down._ His movements were like water, fluid and natural; he was almost superhuman in his grace and confidence.  
  
 _I’ve got all I need to be happy, and to make the world better in my own way._ The opponents blocked Daichi’s first spike, but he saved the ball almost effortlessly; a moment later, Asahi slammed it through to the other side, and the crowd erupted into a roar of deafening cheers.  
  
 _The road may never be easy, but it’s infinitely rewarding... and I’m not afraid to walk it anymore, no matter how hard it might get. I’ll never stop._  
  
 _One foot in front of the other._

* * *

[ **to new beginnings** ]

 


End file.
